The next message I received from him was one I had absolutely not expected.
"Have you ever had a crush, an ex, or a boyfriend?"
For a second...
I froze.
I read the message again.
And again.
My mind suddenly went completely blank.
How am I supposed to answer this?
Because the truth was...
I had had a crush.
Just one.
And that person was the same person asking me this question.
Him.
The person I had been waiting for all these years.
The person whose profile I had searched for countless times.
The person whose one reply could still make my entire day better.
How could I possibly type,
"Yes, I had a crush."
when the person reading it was the crush himself?
I stared at the keyboard.
My fingers moved toward the letters, but I stopped.
What if I told him?
What would happen?
Would he laugh?
Would he feel awkward?
Would our friendship change?
Would he stop talking to me?
There were too many questions.
And I wasn't ready for even one answer.
So I decided to give him the safest version of the truth.
I typed slowly.
"No, I've never had a boyfriend."
I paused.
Then I added,
"I've always had one main goal in my life—to become a successful doctor. I never really wanted to get distracted from that."
I read the message twice before sending it.
But there was still something I wanted to say.
Something I had believed for a very long time.
So I typed again.
"And I think maybe there's someone whose place in my life is already written by God. So I don't really want to force anything."
I pressed send.
For a moment, there was silence.
Then I saw the typing indicator.
He was typing.
I suddenly became nervous again.
His reply appeared.
"You believe in destiny?"
I smiled.
That question felt strangely familiar.
I replied,
"Yes, of course. I always have."
He answered,
"Then I'm sure you'll get someone who respects you, understands you, and genuinely loves you from the heart."
I stared at that message.
For some reason...
I didn't know whether to smile or feel emotional.
Those were such simple words.
But coming from him...
they felt different.
I wanted to tell him,
"What if that person is you?"
But I didn't.
Instead, I simply replied,
"I hope so."
And after a few more casual messages...
our conversation ended.
I placed my phone on my bed.
But my mind didn't stop.
Not even for a second.
---
I kept thinking about his question.
Have you ever had a crush?
Why did he ask me that?
Was it just a normal question?
Was he curious about my past?
Or...
was there some reason behind it?
And then another thought came into my mind.
How would I ever tell him that my only crush had always been him?
I had spent years keeping that feeling to myself.
I had already convinced myself that I had moved on.
Then he came back into my life.
One conversation became another.
Then came the college visit.
The trip.
The dinner.
The messages.
The little moments.
And somehow...
those old feelings that I thought I had buried started becoming confusing again.
I wasn't sure whether I was falling for him again...
or whether I was simply happy because someone from my past had finally become a part of my present.
I couldn't figure it out.
So, as usual...
I called my best friend.
She picked up almost immediately.
"What happened?"
I sighed.
"Something happened."
She laughed.
"Your life is always something happening."
I told her everything.
His question.
My answer.
The conversation about destiny.
And finally...
the one thing that was bothering me the most.
"How am I ever going to tell him that I actually had a crush on him?"
For a few seconds, she didn't say anything.
Then she laughed.
I frowned.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Because you're still thinking about the same thing."
"What?"
"Listen to me carefully."
"You don't need to tell him anything right now."
I became quiet.
"But..."
"No."
"Just relax."
Then she said something that made me completely silent.
"I already understand what's going on."
"What do you mean?"
She lowered her voice dramatically.
"I've been watching you both since the trip."
"And trust me..."
"I think he already has a crush on you."
I almost dropped my phone.
"What?!"
She laughed.
"Exactly what I said."
"Are you serious?"
"Completely."
I couldn't speak.
She continued,
"I noticed the way he looked at you."
"The way he kept noticing where you were."
"How he reacted whenever you were with your senior."
"And remember the lunch?"
"The moment your senior was helping you?"
"He noticed."
I tried to interrupt.
"Maybe you're imagining things."
"No."
"I'm not."
"I've known you for too long."
She paused.
"And I've been observing him too."
I became even more confused.
"But how can you be so sure?"
"I'm not saying I'm one hundred percent sure."
"But there are signs."
"Lots of them."
I looked at my phone silently.
For some reason...
I didn't feel as happy as I thought I would.
I felt confused.
Because there was a huge difference between hoping someone liked you...
and actually believing they might.
For years, I had only imagined what it would feel like if he ever noticed me.
Now...
he was actually talking to me.
He was asking about my relationships.
He had noticed my senior.
He had asked about my feelings.
And now my best friend was telling me that maybe...
just maybe...
he had feelings for me too.
But I didn't want to expect anything.
I had already learned how painful expectations could be.
So I told her,
"Even if you're right..."
"I don't want to assume anything."
She became quiet.
Then said,
"That's actually the smartest thing you've said today."
I laughed.
"Thank you."
"Seriously though..."
"Let things happen naturally."
"If something is meant to happen, you'll know."
Her words stayed with me.
---
That night, I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling.
The room was quiet.
My roommate was already asleep.
But I was wide awake.
I thought about the past.
The school corridors.
The farewell.
The first time I noticed him.
The years of waiting.
The moments when I thought I had finally moved on.
And then...
the present.
His messages.
Our conversations.
The trip.
The dinner.
The question about my senior.
And now...
the question about whether I had ever had a crush.
Everything felt connected somehow.
But I didn't know where it was leading.
Maybe this was just friendship.
Maybe he was simply curious about my life.
Maybe my best friend was completely wrong.
Or...
maybe there really was something I hadn't understood yet.
I picked up my phone one last time.
Opened our chat.
Read his last message again.
"I'm sure you'll get someone who respects you, understands you, and genuinely loves you from the heart."
I smiled faintly.
Then whispered to myself,
"What if you already know that person?"
I immediately shook my head.
"No..."
"Stop."
"Don't expect anything."
I locked my phone and placed it under my pillow.
But even after closing my eyes...
one thought wouldn't leave me.
For years, I had wondered whether destiny would ever bring us together again.
Now that it had...
I suddenly wondered something much scarier.
What if destiny hadn't brought him back just so I could finally move on?
What if it had brought him back for an entirely different reason?
And somewhere between those thoughts...
I fell asleep.
Completely unaware that the next morning...
I was going to receive a message that would make me question everything I thought I understood about him.