-Michael, the great seraph, leader of heaven-
Michael was old. Much older than his siblings, in fact. That came with being the first angel their father ever made. And being the oldest meant heaven, the pantheon, and all his brothers and sisters were his responsibility.
It was his duty. A duty he was nowhere near ready for.
He would give his life in a heartbeat if it meant bringing his father back, just to see his brethren happy and merry again.
He didn't want power. He never had. But that didn't stop him from stepping up and carrying the burden of running heaven's system and everything tied to it.
He knew the throne didn't fit him. It never had. Not because he was great at self-reflection, but because he simply wasn't qualified to operate the system and keep it running right.
His soul wasn't strong enough. It didn't have the sheer weight and power his father carried. That was why errors kept cropping up through the system like cracks in old glass.
Still, he tried his best to keep everything working. That meant enduring a soul-deep burning every time he sat on the heavenly throne.
That meant wearing his soul down, again and again.
His siblings didn't know this. He would keep it that way until they made a lasting peace. Hopefully before he died.
Running the system was exhausting. It drained him in a way no physical work ever could.
But that didn't stop him. It never would. What was exhaustion compared to duty?
Still, there were times he wished he had real authority over the system just so he could smite a few people.
Those who prayed to his father for help getting away with murder, cheating, or other sins were at the top of his list.
Correction: they were, until last week.
Now there was a new being who, in just seven days, had managed to anger him like few ever had.
The one who kept rambling on and on about deals, trading power, helping heaven—endlessly.
It was like listening to someone scrape their nails down a chalkboard. Over and over. Digging into his deepest wounds.
"Dear Michael. How are you today?" A whispery voice sounded in his ears.
'Oh father, not again,' he let out a long-suffering but dignified groan.
"I still haven't gotten an answer or any sign about whether you want to trade with me. I think it's my lackluster faith. You see, I believe in your father, not you, but we all gotta do what we gotta do, right?"
'Dear father, give me strength,' Michael prayed to his dead father, because he knew this would take a while.
"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to bring that up," the voice continued. "Anyway, I wasn't really planning to keep praying after the first time, but then I got an idea. What if you just didn't hear me because too many people are praying at once? So I came up with this plan—kind of an ad campaign, if you think about it—to do this more than once a day for a week. If I don't hear back from you or Gabriel by then, I'll assume you've given up and decided to let the devils walk all over you."
'He has no filter,' Michael thought. He'd had enough. He decided to use the system to scan this man and find out what was going on.
He almost never did that. The pain from a system scan was brutal. He'd have to take the rest of the day and all of tomorrow off to recover. But it would be worth it.
Ping.
A soft chime told him the scan was done. He muted the prayer and looked at the results.
[ Name: K̡̩̲̀̇͒̑̎̀ḁ̵̼̱̲̜̤̻̼͖̳́͊̑̀̚͠͠_̵̥̯̮̬̞̜̪ͩ͋̍̑̀̏ͩ̋͘͡į̡̢̢̛͔̘͎̘̦̤̤͍̮̞̼̭̲̅͐͑̀̾̍̎͊ͯ̔̍͋̔̽͌̈́͘̕͟͜͡. H̡͕͓͇̱̪͇̹̒͒̉́̄̒ͨ̈́̎͆̓̔ù̴̷̡̗̠̲̱͍͙̂ͣͨ̔́̔ͬ͗͟ͅ_͍̭͐̄͜m̡̄ä̭̜̥́̉̾ͮͪ̒n̵̲̞͇ͭͫ̕͟
Age: 1̛̠̳̘5̶̢͕̫̣̫̪̻͉̳͈͖̙̳̝̙̏̉̾̿ͩͫ͗̿͐́̾ͩͯ̎̀͜͠ͅ/̷̵̸̨̧̧͎̭̱̞̖̖̘͖̠̖͖ͯͫͤ̃͒ͣ̓̽ͧ̾͂ͪ̋̍͜͢͟͠∞͓̺̟̰̻͚̮̜̮ͩ̄ͭ͒̂̀̈ͮ̾ͧͧ͆ͮͤ͠
Ę̷̶̶̸̴̢̡͈̥̼̻̞͓̣̏̎ͫ͂̽ͭ̐̏̓ͮͩ̐̑̐̑͟͢͡r̡͈͙̤͉̈̕͜͞_̶̸̨̛̗̰͔̰͉̞̗̆̇ͯ̍͋̔̽ͫ̉ͤ̽̉̈ͭ̑̽͟͜͟͠͝r̸̷̨̢̛̮͇̦̭̩͈̬̫̙̫̖̮̞̞̳̥̾̄ͮͮ̐ͩ̍ͩ̀ͥ͒ͩ̋̓̚͢͜͜͠͠ͅỏ͎̘̺̫ͫr̴̨̝͈̼͇̻̙̣ͯ̌ͨ͊̍̇̅̓̽ͤ̄̓̓͠͝/̶̵̨̭̬͓̀ͣ̃̓̿ͩͅ Ȩ̵̡̛̺͙͔͔̮͕͉̣̈̅̈̒̊͛̄́̏̍̾̐̈̈́̆ͦͯ̍ͫ̒̈̿̕͜͡͡͝ͅr̀rͪ̿̿_̵̙̩̙̱̌ͣ̉ͤ͘o̵̴̴̢̨̼̼̭̝̮̲͎͉̲ͣ̔͌ͮͨ̎̽̎̋͛ͮ̎͛ͯ̿ͥ͠r͇̙̙̠͚̻̯̭̬͚̝̩̗̩͕̱̞͈͎̃́̿̒ͣ̿̎͌ͩ͛̑ͬ̕͟͝͞ͅͅ/̵̷̤͎̭̣̻̽̾̈́͗̈̓͋̇ͣ̎͐̚̚͟͟͟͠͝_̵̶̡̳̮͎̲͇̲̖̝̞̔̂́̋̅ͭͨ̕͟ E̸̵̶̵̴̠͕͈̜̭̭̤̼͎͍͙͖͍͌̑̀̅̍̂̆̏ͤ̏͒̎̃̅̓ͫͬ̔͗̌̃̒̕̕͘͟͠͝ͅr̡̭͚͑̿ͭ̓̋̒̚r̴̵̷̴̨͓̟̱͎͎̞͎͙͇̂ͪͤ́͛̿͋́̇͂̚͢o̫̕r̛͎͍̝̭̬̣͖ͩ͋ͬ̂ͫͦ̓̏͢ ]
Pain clawed through him, a hot spike of light into his forehead. He fumbled, shutting down the function and scrubbing the data from the system.
"Uggghh."
He bit down on his groan, teeth grinding, as a million tiny needles seemed to poke his very soul.
It took him a minute to calm down. But once he did, he was fully alert.
There were only two beings in this world the system couldn't scan: Ophis and Great Red. And that was only because the system wasn't running at full power.
'So what is he?' Michael's mind raced, processing everything he'd heard from the man's rambling over the past week.
All Michael really knew was this: the being claimed to be human, used a church to pray, wanted to make a trade, and said he could help them.
That wasn't much.
"Anyway, this is the last time I'm trying this," the voice said. "Prayer turned out to be a lousy marketing strategy. But if you've been hearing me and just ignoring me, I'll be very upset."
'Naturally,' Michael thought dryly.
"Nah, I'm kidding. But seriously, what do you think about giving Gabriel the qualifications to take over as God instead of you? I'd love to see the reaction of the old men in the Vatican once they find out that God is a woman."
More rambling. Michael had dismissed it all week. But what if there was truth in it?
"Anyway, you know the deal. Just say you accept, and I'll come to you. No matter where you are. Bye now."
What if the man really could give them that power?
A searing jolt ran through his soul. Michael stumbled back from his father's throne, catching himself a few feet away. The light in the room washed over him, healing him little by little.
He would need to rest here for a while. But once he recovered, he needed to gather his brethren and talk.
He still didn't trust that voice—not even a little. But now he knew this might not be the rambling of a madman after all.
---
Kai
With my advertisement of the day done, I started walking out of the church.
It was still ten in the morning, so I dropped by the coffee shop, took a large cup of latte and some cupcakes, and headed back to the hotel.
I didn't really need to stay there anymore since I actually had a house now, but I paid for that suite and I would stay until the last minute.
The house we got was a little on the edge of town—two stories, four rooms, a living room, and three bathrooms. It had a small backyard too.
It was nice. Homey. Like it was designed to make you feel that way. The way sunlight shone through the windows, the way the carpet matched the curtains and furniture.
It was really nice.
Of course, Konan and I had been warding it to high heaven. There wasn't an inch in that house that didn't have an ofuda on it.
Sure, they were invisible, but those with great energy sense could tell… if they were inside the house.
Arriving at the hotel entrance, I spotted something that made cold sweat trickle down my spine.
'What the fuck is that crazy chick doing here early in the morning?' I thought as I pretended not to notice her and power-walked toward the elevator.
"Good morning, Kai the merchant-san," I heard the voice of the devil coming from behind me, but I pretended to be deaf.
I pressed the button for the elevator and kept pressing it, but to no avail.
It was still three floors up.
I sighed and turned around, looking at the girl in a short school skirt and tight jacket.
I always thought ecchi anime did this to appeal to viewers and didn't actually think it would be the same in real life. I was wrong.
"Ms. Sitiri," I smiled. "I didn't see you there."
"That excuse would have worked much better had I not seen you power-walk and press the elevator button like your life depended on it," she replied, with the same serious expression and tone.
'Snarky little shit,' I thought, a little amused by the eloquence of the delivery.
"So, what can I do for you, Sona?" I forwent all formalities and pretense in response to her snark.
Her left eyebrow twitched slightly, and I couldn't have been happier.
"I have thought of a few more questions about the trades I wanted to ask…"
"Na na na," I interrupted, raising my left hand and shoving it closer to her face. I could feel her warm breath on my palm as I continued. "No more questions. No more writing notes, no more research, and just no…"
"But…"
"No buts." I raised my voice slightly as she gave me a hot, irritated glare. "I have wasted a week listening to you propose hypothetical trades, trying to gauge how the price is calculated by factoring different variables. I got sick of it."
"That's not the attitude a merchant should have," she had the audacity to correct me.
"Well, this one does." I said, letting out a sigh as I heard the elevator chime behind me, its doors opening. "Now, are you going to make a deal, or do I go?"
"I can't possibly agree to a deal with such arbitrary pricing and penalties…" She stopped talking as she saw me enter the elevator. "Where are you going?" she asked.
"Where do you think?"
"But we're not done yet."
"Oh, but we are," I said. "We are so done. From now on, you either accept the deal like I present it, or you go home."
"Now you're just being unreasonable…"
"I am not," I replied with utmost seriousness. "You are the one being unreasonable. I don't see anyone else trading powers in this world, so the price is what the merchant wants… and that, my dear, is what we merchants call the art of monopoly."
She looked at me with an indescribable expression, but I just waved at her.
"Goodbye, Sona. See you never," I said, waving at her as the elevator doors closed.
I sighed and took a big sip of my latte, trying to focus on the delicious taste rather than whatever Sona was.
That girl really needed to take the stick out of her ass. She had been hounding me all week, asking questions that made my head spin, trying to gauge the extent of how powerful my abilities were.
I had tried my best to be accommodating. Truly, I did. But there's only so much accommodation one can do.
Stepping out of the elevator, I walked toward my suite, took the key card out of my pocket, and entered.
I didn't pay attention to the five Konans and five Mes doing different things in the living room. I just walked in.
Making a hand sign, the five different Mes started to dissolve into paper that then vanished into smoke.
The five different Konans gave me glares of varying degrees before they, too, dissolved.
I walked into the bedroom, where Konan was sitting with a tablet on her lap, watching something.
I put the cup with the cupcakes down on the nightstand, jumped onto the bed, snatched the tablet out of her lap, put my head there instead, and then placed the tablet on my stomach.
Konan took one of the earphones and put it in my ear, and we continued like nothing happened, watching Pokémon Adventure.
"Why did you dispel the clones?" Konan asked, keeping her eyes on the screen.
"Because we need a little break."
And that was the truth. Clones were a hack, no doubt, but there was a limit to how much one could use said hack while staying healthy.
No matter how many perks we had shared, there was just something about clones that we hadn't yet cracked.
Those were the twelfth version of that jutsu. We had refined it all week, and yet it still wasn't quite right.
Sure, the disorientation, information overload, sensory feedback overload, and all that were fixed, but there was still something about information retention and processing that hadn't clicked.
It was a lot less apparent in Konan than in me, which I attributed to her having a superior processor or brain, but that didn't really matter.
A flaw was a flaw, and I couldn't have Konan endangering herself for no reason.
'Much like how I can't make her a genie anytime soon,' I thought, remembering how when I tried to do that yesterday, I got the feeling that it would not go well.
Really, I felt like something out there looked at me, daring me to try.
Message received…
It wasn't like that course of action was even necessary anymore.
I could just give her the power to become a god or something if we got stuck in a bad situation where absolute power was required, but that was a low chance.
If I got my way, I wouldn't leave this world without having the power of a god either.
I just needed to get in touch with heaven for that.
The idea of returning to the ninja world as a god was too enticing to forgo, so I just needed a way to get what I wanted without entangling with the supernatural of this world more than I already had.
'Okay, let's not lie to myself here,' I reprimanded myself. 'The only reason I want the power of a god is because I thought of something funny.'
And it was. I thought of how much people say 'oh my god' and I thought, wouldn't it be funny if I was there to reply with 'yes?' Or to say 'oh my me' instead.
"Kai," Konan tapped on my forehead.
"Yeah?"
"I want to go to the bathroom."
"Okay, then go."
"…"
"What?"
"Your dummy fat head is still in my lap."
"Then lift it up and go."
"Nu uh. You sit up."
I looked up and saw the mischievous look in her eyes. I don't know what goes through her head, but she'd been like this for the past two days.
Is it puberty? Do I have to worry about all the hormones? Crankiness and mood swings…
I sighed and sat up, noting how she looked at me with a victorious grin before she strutted toward the bathroom.
I shook my head in resignation and closed the tablet.
The time caught my eye, and I remembered something.
'Didn't I have a meeting with Rias's cousin and his queen?'
When was that again?
Eh, they'll knock on the door when they arrive.
…
X_
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. Comment, add to collection and donate power stones.
Advance chapters on p@treon/hunter20