The tequila-scented fog clung to the clearing like a sticky, neon-colored shroud. It was a scene straight out of a fever dream: a ten-foot Dread-Widow spider was still rhythmically tapping its thorax against a mossy rock, Jude was trying to pick a fight with a particularly tall blade of grass, and the rest of the elite class lay scattered across the turf like discarded laundry.
I sat back in my folding chair, the plastic frame groaning under the weight of a Rank-A spy who had decided my chest was an acceptable substitute for a pillow. Han Se-ah was out. Not "assassin-sleeping," where she could kill me in three microseconds, but "tequila-unconscious." Her silver hair was fanned out across my uniform, smelling faintly of agave and starlight.
"System," I whispered, poking the fire with a stick. "Am I safe? Or is the universe still trying to format my hard drive?"
> **[System Message]**
> *Safe is a strong word for someone with a 5,000 EXP debt and a homicidal 'fiancée' drooling on their shirt.*
> *Log Update: The tequila vapor is dissipating. In thirty minutes, the hangover will kick in. I suggest you have an exit strategy.*
>
I looked at the dancing spider, then at the crackling fire. It felt... familiar. Not the magic, not the monsters, but the exhaustion. The bone-deep weariness of dealing with things that made no sense.
"You know," I muttered, more to the fire than to the sleeping girl, "everyone here is so obsessed with Rank. S-Rank, A-Rank, Legendary Dragons... they act like a Fireball to the face is the peak of human suffering. They have no idea."
Se-ah stirred, her eyes fluttering open just a crack. The violet was clouded, swimmy with contact-drunk haze. "Wh... what are you talking about, glitch?" she mumbled, her voice thick and slurred. "Dragons... burn cities. They are... the ultimate... terror."
I let out a short, jagged laugh. "Dragons? A Dragon is predictable. A Dragon just wants to eat you. That's honest. That's clean." I leaned back, staring up at the canopy of the Forest of No Return. "Back where I come from, the real monsters don't breathe fire. They breathe passive-aggressive emails. They wear polyester suits and call you 'family' while they're calculating how much money they save by firing you on your birthday."
Se-ah squinted at me, trying to process the words through the Agave-Interpretation. "Email? Is that... a dark curse?"
"The darkest," I said, my voice dropping into a cynical, gravelly tone. "Imagine a beast that denies your weekend leave after you've worked eighty hours straight. Imagine a creature called a 'Project Manager' who moves the deadline two days earlier just because he had a dream about productivity. A Dragon might take your life, but a Corporate Manager takes your *soul* and asks you to file a report on why it's missing by EOD."
I poked the fire again. "I've survived three consecutive rounds of 'Restructuring' in an open-plan office with a broken coffee machine. This Academy? This is just a long lunch break."
Se-ah's hand moved. Before I could react, her fingers brushed against my forehead. A faint, shimmering blue sigil appeared in the air between us. It wasn't a dagger this time. It was a Truth Spell—an ancient, high-level compulsion used to strip away lies and reveal the core of a person's spirit.
"I... *hic*... I need to see," she whispered, her eyes suddenly glowing with a sharp, forced clarity. "Tell me the truth, Viktor. Who... *hic*... who are you?"
The sigil pulsed. I felt the magic trying to pry open my mind, digging for my secrets, my origins, and the 'System' itself. It felt like a cold probe reaching into my memories.
> **[System Message]**
> **[WARNING: Mental Intrusion Detected!]**
> **[Type: Truth Compulsion (Rank S).]**
> *Debt Alert: Cooldown reset costs 500 EXP. Take the loan?*
>
*Put it on the card,* I thought. *And give me something boring.*
"Interpretation," I gritted out, my teeth clicking together as I fought the urge to spill everything. "That's not a Truth Spell. That's just a **Mandatory, Quarterly HR Performance Review Meeting.**"
**[Skill Activated: Interpretation (Rank F - Overclocked)]**
**[Target: Se-ah's Truth Compulsion]**
**[New Meaning: 'A Very Boring HR Meeting']**
The blue sigil didn't break. It transformed. The shimmering light turned into a dull, flat gray. The high-pitched magical hum shifted into the sound of a distant, monotonous air conditioner and the rhythmic *thump-thump* of a photocopier.
Se-ah's eyes went wide. She didn't see my secrets. She saw... slides.
Thousands of mental slides began to flash before her eyes: *'Synergy in the Workplace,' 'Optimizing Your Workflow,' 'Health and Safety Guidelines for Stapler Usage,'* and *'Why We No Longer Provide Free Sugar in the Breakroom.'* I leaned in, my voice becoming a flat, soul-crushing drone. "So, Se-ah, let's talk about your KPIs. Where do you see yourself in five years? And are you truly 'leaning in' to the Academy's core values, or are you just a 'quiet quitter' in the assassination department?"
The effect was devastating.
The Rank-S Truth Spell, powered by her noble blood and years of training, shattered under the sheer, unadulterated weight of corporate boredom. Se-ah's eyes rolled back in her head. Her jaw went slack. The blue sigil flickered once, turned into a gray 'Excel' spreadsheet, and then vanished.
She didn't just pass out; she fell into a boredom-induced coma. Her head hit my chest with a soft *thud*, her breathing deep and heavy. She had faced assassins, shadow-beasts, and poison, but she couldn't survive ten seconds of a PowerPoint presentation on 'Office Etiquette.'
I let out a long breath, my head spinning. "System, did that work?"
> **[System Message]**
> *Status: Hostile entity neutralized by sheer lethargy.*
> *EXP Gained: 1,200 (For 'Creative Boredom').*
> *Current Debt: 4,350 EXP.*
> *Note: You are officially the most boring person in two worlds. Congratulations.*
>
I looked around the clearing. The tequila-spider had finally collapsed into a heap of twitching legs. Jude was asleep with his face in a puddle. The Instructor was snoring loudly enough to scare away birds. It was peaceful. It was quiet.
I picked up my steak, which was cold now, and took a bite.
Then, the ground vibrated.
It wasn't a small tremor. It was a deep, guttural thrum that started in the soles of my feet and worked its way up to my skull. The lake nearby rippled, the water jumping an inch into the air.
*ROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!*
A sound tore through the forest—a mixture of a lion's growl and the screech of grinding metal. It was raw. It was hungry. It was coming from the direction of the "No Return" zone.
> **[System Message]**
> **[CRITICAL ALERT: Environmental Shift Detected.]**
> **[Target: Rank-D Disaster Beast 'Earth-Cracker'.]**
>
"Wait, only Rank-D?" I asked, looking at the dark treeline. "The Instructor said this forest had Rank-S monsters. Why is a D-Rank making that much noise?"
> **[System Message]**
> *Correction: It is a Rank-D... in terms of intelligence.*
> *Physical Threat Level: Catastrophic.*
> *Warning: It's not looking for a fight. It's looking for the 'Sweet' logic error you left in the air.*
>
The trees at the edge of the clearing didn't just snap; they exploded. A massive, rocky fist, the size of a carriage, smashed through the foliage. A creature made of jagged obsidian and glowing magma eyes hauled itself into the light. It wasn't interested in the drunk students. It turned its massive, rock-hewn head toward me.
It sniffed the air, its nostrils venting steam.
"Marshmallow..." it rumbled. The voice was like tectonic plates sliding together. "I... want... the... pink... sugar..."
I looked at Se-ah, still snoring on my lap. I looked at the giant, mountain-sized monster that was currently craving a snack.
"System," I whispered, reaching for my folding chair. "Tell me we have another loan."