The air behind my head didn't just turn cold; it turned heavy with the stench of rotting meat and bitter chemicals. I didn't need the System to tell me I was seconds away from becoming a juice box for a Rank-B predator. A thick, viscous drop of green fluid landed on my shoulder, hissing as it ate a hole straight through my Academy blazer. My heart skipped a beat, then tried to sprint out of my chest.
"Don't move, Volkov," the Instructor barked, his iron hand whirring as he reached for a combat knife. "If you breathe, that stinger is going through your heart."
The Dread-Widow's fangs clicked—a dry, metallic sound that echoed in the silent clearing. It lunged. Time slowed down to a crawl. In my panic, I jerked my hand back, knocking my oversized glass of chilled fruit punch right off the arm of my lounge chair. The sticky, red liquid splashed upward, drenching the spider's face and dripping into its open, venom-filled mandibles.
"Wait, wait!" I screamed, the 'Emergency Loan' light flashing a violent crimson in my vision. "System, I can't die in a lounge chair! It's too embarrassing!"
> **[System Message]**
> **[Emergency Loan Authorized: 1,000 EXP.]**
> *Current Debt: 5,050 EXP.*
> *Advice: If you're going to go out, at least make sure the party is jumping.*
>
I focused every frantic thought on the green sludge dripping from the spider's fangs. *Death? No. That's not a toxin. It's high-grade fuel for a good time.*
"Interpretation!" I roared. "That's not 'Instant Death Venom'. That's **100-Proof Premium Tequila** from the bottom of a pirate's barrel!"
**[Skill Activated: Interpretation (Rank F - Overclocked)]**
**[Target: Dread-Widow's Poison Sacs]**
**[New Meaning: 'High-Proof Agave Spirit']**
The spider froze mid-lunge. Its eight red eyes, previously focused on my jugular, began to roll in eight different directions. The terrifying hiss from its throat shifted into a wet, bubbly gurgle. It didn't bite. Instead, it retracted its stinger and began to wobble on its hairy legs like it was walking on a floor made of greased glass.
Then, the rhythm hit it.
The spider didn't just fall; it started to groove. It stood on four legs, using the other four to perform a coordinated, eight-point disco pointing routine. *Point left, point right, spin, click-click-click.* The "venom" misting from its mouth wasn't a death cloud anymore. It was a fine, potent vapor of premium tequila that caught the sunlight and turned the clearing into a neon-hued hazmat zone.
"Is... is it doing the Macarena?" someone from the class whispered.
The wind shifted. The tequila vapors didn't stay near the spider; they swept over the exhausted, wounded students like a tropical storm. Within seconds, the "Ashen Pit" survivors weren't bleeding heroes anymore—they were a mess. Jude's golden aura flickered and turned a fuzzy, dull yellow as he started giggling at his own boots. Half the class sat down, suddenly finding the grass "unbelievably soft and emotional."
"I love... I love all you guys," Marek sobbed, hugging a tree. "Even the F-Rank... he's like... a spicy marshmallow angel."
The Instructor tried to step forward, but his prosthetic arm started swaying to the spider's beat. "Volkov... *hic*... I'm failing you... for... for having better booze than the staff lounge..."
I stood up, shaking the glass off my lap, and tried to back away from the dancing arachnid. I didn't get far. A hand clamped onto my collar with the strength of a vice grip. I turned, expecting a blade, but found myself staring into the flushed, messy face of Han Se-ah.
The Ice Queen was gone. Her silver hair was a bird's nest, and her violet eyes were swimming in a sea of tequila-induced chaos. She didn't look lethal; she looked like she was trying to solve a math problem that didn't exist. She leaned in close, her breath smelling like agave and moonlight.
"Tell me... *hic*..." Se-ah muttered, her face inches from mine, her grip tightening until my buttons groaned. "Are you a God... or are you just... a really... really lucky idiot?"
She didn't wait for an answer. She stumbled forward, her forehead thumping against my chest as the Rank-B spider behind us successfully completed a backflip.
"I think... I think I want to see those wedding venues again," she mumbled into my shirt.
> **[System Message]**
> **[ALERT: Multiple S-Rank Signatures approaching.]**
> *The Academy Guard is here. And they're bringing a breathalyzer.*
>