After the conversation, the two hadn't said much for a good while, yet remained in their embrace.
It wasn't that it was necessarily awkward, just that there was still an air of unspoken words. From what happened before the admission, to the admission itself, and all the inbetween.
Especially since Tao Hua had refrained from mentioning the pain potentially associated with the dreams. But, given the already heavy atmosphere clouding them, he thought it best not to bring it up just yet.
Like a small reminder lodged in the back of his head, helping him feel less guilty about what he was doing.
As soon as both had finally come back to reality, Tao Hua was the first to unhook himself from Shan Si, his face flushed. Shan Si, however, was Shan Si. It took Tao Hua more than an acceptable amount of convincing just to remove the pair of arms from his waist.
Shan Si certainly loved playing the pitiful, broken man, just for the one he called his "Little Flower" not to leave.
Only when Tao Hua mentioned research did Shan Si finally succumb, but he was nothing if not persistent, his need to be close to Tao Hua intensified exceptionally.
This session was one that was a little less productive, however. Though Shan Si seemed relieved, being quick to readjust after getting things off his shoulder, Tao Hua was more tense than usual.
And none of it involved Shan Si's past, but rather, what was happening in real time.
What had caught him in a daze, staring wide-eyed at a blank sheet of paper, brush in hand, was how Shan Si managed to calm him down prior to their conversation. He was even more shocked at it working, and found himself trying to make sense of it.
Could it be considered intimate, or did the intentions matter? If this were a typical way to soothe someone, wouldn't that make Tao Hua's feelings even more predatory?
Tao Hua was so deeply invested in his stupor that anytime Shan Si spoke to him, it was as if Tao Hua had gone deaf. The only time he'd realise anything was when his cheek was nudged, and next to him Shan Si, who seemed curious about his reddened complexion.
If Shan Si reached his hand toward Tao Hua's forehead to feel for a fever, Tao Hua would immediately pull back.
And naturally, Shan Si was a perceptive one, catching on almost instantaneously, but that could also have been how awful Tao Hua was at concealing his innermost thoughts.
They were written on his face in capital letters.
So much so that it became a game for Shan Si. With each poke, prod, and tease, he'd increase each antic just a teeny step higher to catch Tao Hua off-guard.
And Tao hua being Tao Hua, well, he was nonethewiser, but thrown off all the same.
Fortunately, the following days were great for research! Regardless of Shan Si's playful schemes!
Tao Hua used this time to distract himself from his tug-of-war thoughts, which greatly benefitted the cause. Anytme Shan Si teased him, trailing off topic, Tao Hua was in such a frenzy that he'd push the books toward him and yell, "Research!"
And thus, Shan Si would have to give in, abiding. It wasn't often Tao Hua bossed him around, and he somewhat enjoyed watching the small man grasp even the smallest amount of agency.
Even if it was fragile, and sometimes easy to mold, he was still hopeful in this timidly awkward man.
There were some days, however, the two ended up entirely consumed by their research. It was exhilarating at times, and felt as though they were finally getting somewhere, given they now had Shan Si's past to rely on.
But it was as if each answer brought on three more questions, many of which Shan Si couldn't fully answer. This only made Tao Hua even more lost.
Frustratingly, he tossed the brush he'd been aggravatingly tapping onto the paper and frowned. Why does it always feel like we circle around the same information, going nowhere? I don't know if I can take much more."
"We've been getting places—it just doesn't seem that way when your standards grow. Such is the curse of success, My Dear Flower," Shan Si replied. Rather than focusing on his book, he was turned toward Tao Hua. His elbow propped on the table, palm against his cheek, and seemed to be much calmer than Tao Hua.
He'd long given up for the day, and instead, found an interest in Tao Hua's hair. Twirling a strand in his hand, he asked, "What's got you confused? Tell me."
"From my understanding, our goal is to break the curse, right? " Tao Hua began and would continue with Shan Si nodding.
"But our research is so disorganised, I can't seem to figure it out, and I don't get the relevance of Daoist Weng's note." He also wanted to fault Shan Si for not taking their work as seriously, constantly messing around with Tao Hua, but he refrained. It was better to utilise what attention he currently had. "What does an old, extinct god have to do with anything if he faded long before the Xingcai era? I don't get it!"
The god in question regarded the "Jingyi" portion of Weng Jing's note. According to Shan Si, Jingy was once a primordial god who mysteriously fell long before Shendi had. And yet? The country still followed, blindly worshipping a false god as if it had never happened.
Which to Tao Hua, ruled out one factor as to how Jingyi fell—loss of worship. Which left them with having to find a cultivator strong enough to take down a primordial god.
No such thing existed in book nor scroll; at least, not anything Shan Si had in his arsenal.
Shan Si leaned into his hand a bit, holding the strand of hair closer to his face, and flipping it back and forth. "As much as I hate giving that Daoist Bastard any credit, he wouldn't have written it if it wasn't relevant. But Tao Hua…there's still some time left so don't stress yourself out over it. Besides, we still need the other two relics to break the curse."
Which was true—they still needed the Imperial Capital's relic, and the supposed mystery one held in Siyue Town. However, Tao Hua was under the firm belief that there wasn't one; Shan Si always challenged it.
Tao Hua glanced over at Shan Si with a worried look, watching as he let out a sigh and dipped his head exasperatedly.
"Which means I'm due for a trip to the Imperial Capital soon," Shan Si sighed, and Tao Hua could feel his chest constrict at the mere mention of Shan Si leaving again. "But I suppose I'll take that chance to look around the libraries for whatever 'Tianming Guan' is, Siyue Town as well. Make the most of it."
Tao Hua looked away, staring down at his hands in his lap. There was a sour expression planted on his face, and despite his efforts to hide it, he just couldn't.
"How many times have I failed to procure the relic?" Shan Si continued droning on, his eyes shut, still flipping the end of the hair. "Fifteen? Ugh, sixteen losses would really make me look…"
Then the strand of hair was ripped from his hands. "…Bad."
Chapter end.