Morning broke through the barren trees. It was coloured in the deep shades of purple, pink, and orange, muted by the wintry atmosphere of an eerie forest. The last of the snow fell, fluttering down like peach blossom petals, until it was no more noticeable than a light mist.
All that was dark and dreary seemed to finally clear, and that cool morning light cast upon both Tao Hua and Shan Si.
Tao Hua speechlessly looked up at Shan Si, his head tilted uncomfortably. To his luck, it hadn't gone unnoticed, and his eyes would follow Shan Si until the man lowered himself once more, crouching. He held a hand out to Tao Hua, offering him assistance, but that hand would go completely unseen, and awkwardly so.
Tao Hua just couldn't seem to look away from Shan Si's face, utterly and absolutely bewildered!
Not…the same man?
His face was cast in complete awe, and his reaction was moulded within the fires of disbelief. Think of it like a feral animal finally finding out the true meaning of what it meant to be "human."
Now think of it like finding out that meaning in someone further from the definition of human, constructed by unearthly resilience alone.
It just didn't make sense.
Tao Hua could feel himself slowly start to spiral, scanning every feature on Shan Si's face. From his jaw, his pale cheeks, to his eyes. Anything that could explain what had just happened, and why it happened to Tao Hua.
Never once had Tao Hua been consoled in such a way, nor had he been held so passionately. His breath raced, and his eyes continued their frantic search, rapidly shifting over and over.
There was a small desire to lift his hand and pinch his arm—wake up from whatever sick dream this was, but even if he wanted to, he was frozen dumbfounded.
After a moment longer of Tao Hua's dazed expression and inner turmoil, Shan Si gave up. He let out a light sigh and slapped his hands against his knees, pushing himself back up to his feet.
There was no getting a response out of a man made of dreams, therefore, it was better not to waste his time trying.
But Tao Hua just followed him up, remaining stuck in that haze. Truth be told, even if he refused to show it, Shan Si felt awkward. It was like this small man had just witnessed hte makings of a god, when in actuality, that god had plummeted from the heavens entirely.
It wasn't worth worshipping him at all. So, crossing his arms and looking away, Shan Si's face twisted in a writhe.
"Don't just take it all in at once," he muttered, toying with his sleeves, adjusting them. Joking, he added, "Same some for later. I can't imagine how you are when you eat."
Nothing. Just a wonder-laced stare in response.
This made Shan Si's disposition all the more awkward, and that should have been obvious in the way his eyes shifted. It was better if he acted as if none of what happened existed at all, but that was mere wishful thinking.
He rolled his eyes, slowly rolling his head toward Tao Hua. "Come on."
Truth be told, Tao Hua didn't hear him. He was busy gaslighting his own experience, wondering if what had happened was just mere delirium; his mind playing awful tricks on him.
He'd once read in a book that the longer one went without rest, all while being mentally tortured, the more likely they were to hallucinate. Granted, that was in a fairytale, but fairytales had to come from somewhere!
Right?
Such was the mind of a man who'd only lived in stories.
Books or not, he didn't need them to tell him that what he was experiencing in that moment was something he couldn't understand. A foreign emotion, and like all things foreign, that required knowledge and experience to comprehend it.
Tao Hua didn't have an ounce of either. He was a socially inept, small, neet of a man.
This man was so caged up--isolated for most of his life--that when he finally heard the words he so desperately yearned for, all he could do was gawk?! From a man who somehow treated him better than the entirety of Siyue Town, yet worse all the same!
What the fuck?
Well, it made him feel rather unrecognizable and oddly warm. Sure, he could attribute the warmth to the black and gold outer robe that draped over his shoulders, or the lingering touch of arms that once embraced him, but didn't that just circle back to Shan Si?
Ugh, he didn't know what to think anymore. But the more he thought about it, the more his heartbeat slowed down. It was so gentle, it could have sent him into a realm of dreams.
But as gentle as that beat was, gentle could still ache, and dully so. Shan Si was the only asshole in his entire existence that could call him down to the lowest, and he'd still follow in his footsteps, picking up every breadcrumb dropped.
Tao Hua was really that pitiful, he was starving.
But he didn't want to cry anymore—he'd done that enough already, and it only exhausted him more, causing his eyes to become heavy. Therefore, Tao Hua lifted a hand and wiped away any excess proof of his vulnerability.
From Shan Si's still-water expression and the cheeks as pale as they were when Tao Hua first met him, nothing seemed to change in his composure. The only difference was in the bags that seemed more noticeable the longer he remained under the clearing skies.
If it were Tao Hua in his position, he'd be crouched in complete embarrassment after admitting such vulnerabilities. Sure, none of it held the word "Sorry." Tao Hua had assumed this man was allergic to the word, given how Shan Si treated him for using it.
He was abrasive and crude whenever Tao Hua would even mouth the words, and Tao Hua struggled in understanding if that was even in his favour, or just to quell Shan Si's annoyance.
Oh, how he desperately wanted to just forget everything and just sleep.
Tao Hua simply burnt up with the countless things Shan Si just said, reigniting whatever it was he thought he'd lost when the mirror shattered. But truth be told…all of Shan Si's kindness only mattered if he genuinely meant it. This, among all other things that night, could have been a ploy masked with ill intent.
So, Tao Hua acted immediately, looking up at Shan Si and desperately searching his eyes for any inkling of truth that might swell within the reflective white. But there was nothing—only indifference. At least, to Tao Hua's understanding.
It was so fucking frustrating and unfair. And yet, deep down, Tao Hua knew he was caught, hook, line, and sinker. Wherever this man went, he'd willingly follow despite every terrible thing done to him.
He didn't have a definition for this feeling, but he hated it all the same.
Loneliness could form any terrible bond within the confines of a single day. How sad.
Hand pressed to the pommel of his sword, and eyes facing the violet sky, clearing of any darkened cloud, Shan Si's eyelids lowered. It appeared after all he'd said, there was still much left on his mind. He mouthed a few silent words; however, Tao Hua couldn't make any of them out. After a bit more of this, he finally said, "A quarter left to go."
Tao Hua finally snapped out of his trance, blinking as if he'd just gotten something lodged in his eye. Promptly, he lowered his head and stared at the trembling fingers still resting on his lap. Reality was rushing to him quicker than the break of day, flushing him a deeper shade than the horizon.
But he wasn't the only one, it seemed.
Shan Si tilted his head toward Tao Hua, staring down at the curled-up ball of embarrassment and exhaustion, watching as the small hands moved at the shuffling of his own legs. Each delicate and thin finger trembled, crawling onto his knees, just as his knees pressed together.
"…" He tapped the pommel a few times, waiting before saying, "Tao Hua."
"Hm?!" Tao Hua darted his head up to look at Shan Si. "Y-Yes?!"
Studying Tao Hua, Shan Si didn't answer right away, which only caused Tao Hua to stiffen with anxiety. His shoulders rose, and his fingers dug into his knees.
Maybe it all was a ruse after all? Was he about to get mad? But Shan Si would finally answer, and when he did, it was soft and gentle.
"Don't tell anyone what happened here," said Shan Si. "Let's keep this between us, okay? Our little secret."
Tao Hua's brow creased in confusion, but Shan Si simple stood there, as if the question wasn't shocking at all. Why wouldn't he want anyone to find out? But the more Tao Hua thought about it, the more he realized Shan Si did have a reputation to uphold. If the rest of Zhonglai found out the renowned thief of what was the country's most prized possessions had a weakness, well, that wouldn't bode well for him.
In a way, he could absolutely sympathize with the sentiment, as if it were him back in Siyue Town…well, a reaction only solicited more turmoil.
Tao Hua's lashes drooped. They really weren't that far off—he and Shan Si. Outwardly, they were two completely different people, but inwardly, there was a world of similarities.
However, the moment was cut short at the very instant Tao Hua's eyes sharpened. He flung his head up to look at Shan Si once more, who was still focused on him.
The longer Tao Hua's gaze remained, the more it contorted with unresolved emotion.
Who was there for Tao Hua to tell? It was just him and Shan Si in that woods—but was it so unheard of for a man as seemingly miserable as Shan Si to be surrounded by others?
It really wasn't. In fact, Tao Hua mostly assumed they were all like-minded and equally terrible. Which made him feel rather anxious at the thought. He had just escaped Siyue Town after twenty years of torment, and granted not in the best of ways, so to enter a place with people akin to Shan Si…?
Was that a blessing or a curse? It could have been both for all Tao Hua knew.
"I'll take that as you'll keep your mouth shut." Shan Si said. "They're going to be expecting me back soon; let's not sit around."
That confirmed it. If they were so expectant of someone like Shan Si, then two things came to his mind. The first was that their impatience only meant they had to be worse than Shan Si, and the second was rather ominous. If he was on a deadline, then he couldn't be the ringleader of whatever operation this relic-theft situation was? Is that why he was so desperate to find answers and take Tao Hua?
It didn't feel right…Shan Si looked like someone who stood at the forefront of an entire palace.
Cold sweat trickled over Tao Hua's skin. He didn't like where this was going at all, and his mind wandered with a million extreme situations.
Gripping his knees, he swallowed until his mouth ran dry, just as Shan Si turned back to face Tao Hua. One glance up at him, and Tao Hua still couldn't reason with Shan Si not being the face of any organization.
It was the kind of face a person couldn't forget.
But, that moment of recognition quickly closed at Shan Si's absurdity. He removed a hand from his sword and lifted it, the other following its stead. Once both were hovering before him, palms facing upward, he acted in a way Tao Hua could never have imagined this man to act.
"It starts by moving like this, Tao Hua," he said, his hands rising and lowering in repeated, related motions. Like trying to mitigate a fight or calm a rabid animal. "See? Exactly like that."
Chapter end.