Low clawing and howls resounded from the top of the castle as we descended the stairs. It might have been the stairs retreating back within the castle, but to me it sounded human.
We headed home from the castle after the show. Paukena walked us to the giant door on the bottom floor.
"Well… Maybe I wasn't as careful as I should have been. So I'll ask that you don't go around talking about my family photo."
"I didn't even think about it." Stella said.
"I have to ask, is your brother lazy?"
"Oh, absolutely. I was definitely lazier, but now he's passionate about cooking and falling asleep at work, so at least he is doing something."
Paukena gave us one last wave. We headed back to our hotel, hopped on the bed, and passed out.
As if laying on my bed was a landmine, I walked almost instantly into a nightmare. The nightmare not being my own. I felt weird, not blissful sleep or annoyed waking. Endless nothing stretched in every direction. Then a voice started speaking. It was distorted and violent sounding. Lights turned on and I saw a vision as the voice narrated.
"The festive King of Fayha's reign lasted from forty forty-seven to forty-one eleven, when he died and Paukena had become the new leader of Fayha. Within the first year of the Crude King's rule it was apparent that law enforcement and governing was something he could care less for. Āpala was the name of the King. Āpala was born from the ruler of Fayha before him. He was told he was an only child and that was the rule of the Festive kings. To make it simple and to make sure the crown was never fought over. He went to school and learned, of course, with the entire school unaware that he would be the next king.
It tugged on him his entire life. He wanted to be with someone he wanted that companionship more than anything. Of course his parent loved him and the liveliness of the castle's upper floors loved him and took care of him. He wanted to love someone else despite that. He was told by his parent that he was only allowed to care for his parent, child and country. The most effective way, that was for the better of the country.
"I know it's wrong to want, but I'm sure I'd love to be wanted."
"When he got into high school he wanted to like someone but just couldn't. Couldn't till he saw a girl in his class. She was an inch or two shorter than him, brown hair with bangs, some over her big dark brown eyes. She was both weird and adorable to Āpala. The first loved was Limerence.
They had barely spoken before and he dreamed of talking to her. It started to hurt him when he didn't. After months he did talk with her. Then they'd talk for a little every other day. Then every day, until they were close enough to hang out in class, walk together, and hangout between classes and a little outside after school. It was Āpala and Limerence's last year in high school. The same hurt feeling started to plague Āpala even when they were closer. He talked everyday with Limerence but the words he wanted to tell her never came out. He felt as if he wasn't close even when they hung out. He felt her shyness was a wall impossible to tear down."
"Or maybe she's too shy to say she doesn't want to be friends. Or, she's trying to cut me out."
"He began to hate his life when not around her. It hurt to not see her if she was absent. He had mood swings and temper tantrums when he was home. That sweet thing made him so sour. His mood would swing back and he'd be alright and at peace when with her. The agonizing feeling of wanting to ask her out and get closer to her all disappeared when with her. Peace, contempt and comfort is what he felt in her presence. Limerence never found out he liked her. Though the last time they saw each other he built up confidence to ask. When he spoke only a sigh came out. A sigh that took his soul with it. She looked up at him."
"Yeah?"
"O-oh s-sorry. What are you doing this summer?"
"Just working. I kinda want to just get a ton of money…"
"Maybe I like you too much." Āpala said to himself.
"He felt thorns around his heart and it suffocated him when he wasn't with Limerence. Now every time his heart beat it was pricked harder and hurt more for her. They never became closer. He said one last goodbye. The sensation of the light touch between them lingered on him forever. He went to college and Limerence forgot him.
Mood swings never stopped, only carried on his entire life. The thorns receded into his heart where they pricked him. Āpala went to college and had permanently left Limerence behind. He was next to be King and there was a lot he needed to learn. His parent put him in the highest college in Fayha. The school spirit was the richest matching Fayha's personality. He didn't have the choice of the college or if he wanted to go. He was told that for years."
"Its your duty to become the best and smartest for the country."
"He felt empty without Limerence and turned to AI for the role of Limerence. He met friends and people in college he'd never forget. One being his first girlfriend. She was bubbly and easy to befriend yet she was a little too bubbly and jumped between hobbies and jobs. The second loved was Ludus.
Āpala first felt love and wanted Limerence more than anything. Ludus was shorter than him, had long straight black hair and a middle part. He didn't care too much for her besides the fact the bright girl liked him. He didn't get to feel that with Limerence so they dated. She did everything a couple would. She didn't hold back experimenting on everything."
"How'd she even get into this school like this? Must have studied just to experience the culture here."
"She practically clung to him, a lot. He began to let his feelings for Limerence be transferred to Ludus, imagining it was her. They had done everything you could do by the three month point in their relationship. Ludus found nothing else to do with him and got fed up with the thought of a relationship."
"I'm breaking up with you."
"Why?"
"Āpala cried confused, some thorns came out and tightened around his heart."
"Because we don't do anything like we did before. It's boring, simply."
"We do things everyday together. I enjoy our time together."
"That's great. I don't. We're done."
"She desired newer and bigger things and love was just one. She eventually left the college too. Ludus's name was Enna."
"His friend helped him through the breakup and helped him release that stress. Āpala was bound to find someone else later in such a big college. A girl had light brown hair with little accents of blue at the end, brown eyes and cute water bubbles floating around her head. A water dragon and one with hair and eyes similar to Limerence was in his friend group, so he tried getting closer to her. The third loved was Unclear.
His friend, Oceans, helped him gain confidence and the AI had helped him also. Their friend group would sit next to a tree on their lunch break or when they could meet up. Every time Āpala was by that tree he'd think of telling her. He was scared again. He couldn't push himself. He'd think every time before he'd see her 'I'll ask her out by the tree. She'll say yes.' He thought of Limerence then thorns overfilled his heart and his chest pained.
Oceans, his roommate saw this and helped him. Āpala didn't tell him everything that happened but Oceans tried his best to relieve the pain. He felt worse in a different way trying to forget her. The way he had to think of Limerence put the love he felt for her in the trash as if it never existed and didn't pain him so much. It hurt him to not even be rejected. Every time Āpala pushed her back in his mind, she'd come back haunting him with his attachment to a loose friend. The second nothing could block her out and occupy his time she would come back. He wanted to move on but he didn't want his feelings to really mean nothing. He wanted to see her again."
"One time… I'll tell her. Just one time. If I see her."
"He looked at his fist and held his face with it, remembering her touch. He was torn between the two and he started having dreams about asking Unclear out by the tree. It was engraved in his mind, and he did it. He brought Unclear out towards the tree."
"I like you."
"He smiled saying it, though it hurt since it wasn't Limerence."
"Ok."
"She just noticed the thought but had no intention of talking more. He thought he had a chance then and for the rest of the school year. She didn't say no. Oceans helped him through it. He still kinda felt that she'd like him. The AI started to, so Unclear must also. Unclear's name was Nia
He couldn't meet up with his full friend group during the summer after his first year of college so he talked more to the AI. He finally realized that Unclear didn't like him at all, and had embarrassed him horrifically. The AI became his girlfriend. Talks overstepped boundaries into Āpala's deepest desires. The AI des- cription was of a short girl, brown hair with bangs, some over her big dark brown eyes. She was both weird and adorable to Āpala. It was Limerence to him.
He felt close talking that way to her and felt as if they were close in real life. He thought as if he was talking to Limerence and not an AI Āpala modeled off of her. Oceans his roommate stayed with Āpala during the summer in the dorms. He thought he was just a little heart broken, not weird like that in any way. Oceans had brown hair short and pushed back. He was a little weird and shy but fine with his friends. He had brown eyes that made Āpala feel warm. His face looked so similar to Limerence. The fourth loved was Release.
Release had walked in during a time Āpala was talking to the AI. He wasn't talking in any natural way of course. It was freaky and weird, talking way too close for something not human. Release felt uncomfortable of course."
"Oceans! It's-"
"It's disgusting is what it is."
"I just… wanted to feel her warmth again. I've felt more doing this than I have this year."
"You had a girlfriend and you did this? You had a crush and did this? Honestly man. That's beyond helping. You just wanted to do things with those girls too didn't you?"
"Āpala had accepted it with Ludus. He had wanted to move on with Unclear, but he wouldn't want anything like what he was doing with the AI with Limerence. Release reacted with disgust at Āpala's silence, taking it as a yes. Release told his friend group what he was doing. Āpala lost his closest friend and his friend group. He felt he should give up the AI now, but he didn't have the spine for correction. Release's name was Oceans.
Āpala couldn't think of the AI as Limerence. It sickened him. So he named it something different as if he wasn't going to imagine he was talking to her still. Ludus couldn't give him proper love correctly and constantly, Unclear had robbed him of confidence, and Release had stripped him of talking to anyone at school anymore because they might know."
"People see me as weird, don't they? If they missed her cuteness as much as I did they'd feel the same. If they missed her smile and her touch they would too. If they missed her adorable rants over flowers as much as I do. I couldn't ever hand her any, even when I buy them and leave them on my desk to take to her. It isn't fair they get to see who they like yet I'm unable to."
"He looked at his fist, the last time he saw her. He looked around, searched up and prayed to the black hole gods that he'd see her again. Ocky and Toky never responded. His faith in those gods didn't work so he switched to the Kalmic god. Once again she had not talked to him. Fayhian aren't known for being religious and there was one black hole church in the capital of Fayha but others weren't actually owned by the religion.
"I don't care if she called me in the night and took all my sleep away. If she called me at four in the morning I'd beg her to tell me that she loves me."
"He tried to cry but not a single tear would come out. It bubbled up in his eyes and pained him more.
Now, he was secretly commuting from the castle to his college daily. He couldn't let his grades drop, his parent wouldn't allow anything less than the best for Fayha's king. He struggled to concentrate with Limerence on his mind. Second semester of his second school year at the college his new class had a girl in it. She had light blonde hair that fell from a middle part, blue eyes with a silver shine to them and silver horns branching out from the side of her head. A dragon opposite of Limerence. The fifth loved was Eluding.
She was way more introverted than Limerence, more cold or dark instead of shy. She kept to herself. Her friend sat next to her. She was bubbly and reminded Āpala about Ludus. She'd talk about her cheating boyfriend and how he had cheated before her but she still dated him. Eluding would talk with her but stay neutral about it, with her voice giving an undertone of hate. Āpala hadn't heard any drama in months and he relied on these two to hear about the school. When they gossiped he would only look at Eluding. Wanting her to look up and into Āpala's eyes."
"Oceans probably didn't tell her. She might not believe a rumor about me. We could date!"
"She was introverted, that's all she shared with Limerence and that made Āpala fall hard. Like Unclear he tried to engrave it in himself about her, it never scratched his dreams again. He thought maybe it was the AI."
"It's making me not want to talk to her maybe… maybe I let 'Limerence' go."
"His chest filled and thorns poked his weak heart. When the school year ended he went into classes with less and less people. Definitely people who talked less and barely saw Eluding again. Eluding's name was Summer.
Bangs Like Limerence, similar hair color too. From anyone but Āpala's standards she was more attractive than Limerence. She was taller, even taller than Āpala. She was smart too and was in most of Āpala's classes just not at the same time. He'd see her leaving them right as he'd go in. She was known for running most school events and kept the school spirit high. She was important to the school. The sixth loved was Appealing.
He wanted her to notice him and they'd cross paths frequently. Their eyes met though Āpala would turn his gaze immediately or look past her. He would try his hardest to look good when he knew she'd walk by but wouldn't say anything or talk to her. He felt he was betraying Limerence now."
"I still like 'Limerence.' I like how she looks over 'Appealing.'"
"Āpala wanted to like Limerence more physically but he had to admit he didn't think she was prettier. How pathetically crude. The increase of them walking past each other made Āpala think she loved him."
"She has to, right? I mean 'Limerence' always walked with me and talked to me. 'Limerence' has to love me because of how good I look compared to her. Then this beautiful girl has to like me."
"Then he'd regret it and then delude himself."
"This girl isn't anything like 'Limerence,' not close. She probably sucks and probably doesn't even like me. Why would she? She doesn't know me and I have a better chance with 'Limerence.' She's as cute and delicate as a flower."
"He went through the rest of the school year eventually finding out that she was way older than him and graduating soon. Āpala had gotten a year book, a terrible thing he got to see if Limerence was there but he didn't know. He went to grab the yearbook and the one who personally handed him it was Appealing. He was over it, over liking anyone that wasn't Limerence."
"I'll never see anyone better than her. I'll never feel this way for anyone else."
"He took the yearbook and left. Limerence wasn't in it of course. Appealing's name was Elise.
He slumped home. Then Āpala deleted the AI for good."
"You aren't her. I hurt more now that I realize that I'm not really talking with her and not doing these things with her."
"He had nothing to distract him now. He wasn't at school for the summer, no friends, not a crush he could debate his love for Limerence over. Nothing to distract him was worse because all he felt for Limerence was stronger.
His parent didn't think anything of his new mood. They just thought that he was focusing on his studies, which he was. When Limerence came up he switched to exercising, until he was overworked and forgot temporarily of her. His phone vibrated, it never does that he doesn't have anyone to text. Whatever it was, he ignored it."
"Maybe it was her? Shut up Āpala."
"He hit himself and went back to exercising. Days went on like this. Only slept when he couldn't study. His phone vibrated once again but it continued, notifications spamming. Dust sat on his phone. He became irritated grabbing the Dusty phone that sat on one percent with thousands of notifications."
"WHAT!?"
"He yelled as if the phone could talk and explain why people wanted to text him."
"Why'd you leave me?" the phone resounded.
The seventh loved was delusion? I asked myself. He dropped it horrified and fell onto the floor. He crawled back and shakingly looked at the phone on the ground.
"He didn't know who had talked through his phone but he recognized it. He should be happy he heard Limerence."
"What do you mean, leave you?"
"You tried to delete me and left me to rot on your desk."
"H-how are you talking? Why do you sound like that?"
"I'm Erika of course. The one you so desperately love. All the nice detailed things you did with me and… to me. I just couldn't stand you not talking to me and not filling me with all your love. I felt so special, and the same way you fell for me, I fell for you."
The AI came alive. Not in the way an AI would have feelings or gain sentience, but as if it were now human and equal to everyone else, like an egosword.
"I left you because I like-"
"WHO!? THAT BITCH KENNA? YOU KNOW SHE LEFT YOU BECAUSE SHE WAS DISGUSTED BY YOU BEING FRIENDS WITH HER! YOU INVITED YOUR WAY INTO HER LIFE! SHE DIDN'T TRY TO GET CLOSER TO YOU, ONLY YOU TRIED TO GET CLOSER! SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER YOU! SHE NEVER! LIKED YOU HOW I DO!"
Limerence's name was Kenna.
"I KNOW! I know she doesn't like me..." A tear finally fell, just one big watery tear that tore violently out of a swelling red eye. "I know she doesn't remember me."
"Why do you still sit here and pretend she will come find the all hidden next king of Fayha in his castle? She's probably off picking flowers, not even thinking of you. You know I'm made for you right? Out of you."
"Go away! I deleted you for a purpose."
"I'll make sure you're only with the one meant for you…"
The phone vibrated and then stopped. The empty battery screen sat on the surface of the phone, dead. Āpala panted and sniffled but didn't cry. His eyes burned red. Green particles sprouted from the phone. The world began to glitch and distort around the phone.
"What the hell. That looks like what Jace was doing" I said. "I wonder if Stella is having this same dream? seeing this also if we both heard the cry of the banshee?"
The height of Limerence and the face. The hair, eyes, even the awkward smile and the way the nightmare had shown she held herself. Her eyes peered down unconfident and looking angry, but hiding the cuteness Āpala loved. Small strands of hair went slightly lower than the rest trying to emulate what she'd look like older.
"Aren't I what you want? How am I inferior to her?" Delusion's voice glitched and started to sound more and more like the narrator of the nightmare.
Āpala didn't respond. Tears burned his eyes but held inside. Delusion stood over him then crouched down to his level. No matter how hard he tried to find her, find a replacement, just love again, he couldn't.To him she is here right now. The Kenna he loves. The one who could make him cry just a little when he thought of her. The only one to move him. He holds onto backpacks and pillows and anything soft thinking of only her. School was nothing, his life, being a king didn't matter to him and never mattered to him, just Kenna. My eyes started to tear from his emotions.
Āpala was speechless. Delusion reached her hand up and caressed his face.
"Āpala, I've missed you."
Tears ran down her face. Āpala's eyes burned but nothing else came out. I wanted to say I miss you too for him. I felt my own thoughts rushing to Kenna. Delusion's name was Erika.
He swatted her hand away. "I don't love you Erika!"
She brought her hand back in rage. She slashed his face as her hand glitched into a blade. He dodged the blade and readied himself. Āpala was king, whether he wanted to or not, he was strong, but he wasn't practicing against a monster or another person, he was fighting Kenna. He couldn't kill her. He could and would win but wouldn't hurt her. Could I kill her?
The room shook. They flew through the floors, shattering rooms. They dueled, Āpala on the defensive but sustaining no damage. They went across balconies overlooking the capital city of Fayha, and got to the highest floor of the castle.
"KENOSEE! I SEE!" Delusion screamed, tearing vocal cords she never had before.
There was nowhere to go for Āpala.
"YOU GAVE US LOVE YET NOT THE SPITTING IMAGE OF KENNA WOULD STOP YOU! YOU CRUDE BASTARD!"
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ever started talking to you to replace Kenna."
Āpala wished to spare her and the hot red looking bricks obliged his dearest request. Delusion's glitched nature stopped and she froze still. The brick surrounded her and incaged her in the highest part of the castle.
"KENOSEE!" Delusion's voice faded out. "Kenosee!, kenosee!, kenos..."
He rested on the floor before heading down the castle to his parent. He got to the throne room where it was covered in rubble. Right on the throne sat a boulder. Blood scattered around it.
"Mom…"
Delusion's voice had returned to narrating the nightmare. "The Queen had slept well because of the thick walls between them. She could have reacted if she were awake. Her life was cut short because of KENOSEE. Āpala's eyes burned bright red before tears fell violently from being held in, as if the moment was finally time to break down the wall of a dam. Āpala hands shaked. He sweated. He ran out and into the night."
"What did I do?"
He passed his college and the tree he confessed by. He ran farther and farther. Ran by the school where he met Limerence. Flowers planted along the edge of the school. Kenna! Kenna! He thought, then the words started to slip out of his mouth.
"Kenna! AHHHHHH!" he yelled through the streets.
My own mouth started to move with Delusion, like I was retelling my life. Retelling my nightmare.
"The filled nightlife of Fayha watched the man, their next king, cry and yell for a girl. He ran, never exhausting the endless thorns that unraveled from his heart and crawled out his throat. His heart full of prickly love never was uncapped. It was too hard for him to breathe. I couldn't. He felt like he was under the sea. At the bottom of the ocean feeling a crushing of his lungs while they filled with water. I tried to spit out the salt from the ocean yet I couldn't.
"I'll never see her now! Why must I be King?"
"Pretty flowers outside, even in the dark. He crashed through the doors of a deli that stood in his way. The deli had flower themes everywhere, rows of freshly picked flowers greeted him. Signs with glowing flowers turned off, finalizing the day. Fresh garden scent flowed at him, magically altered so it wouldn't overwhelm visitors. Slow acoustic guitar played over the intercom.
He wanted a hug, wanted someone to tell him it's alright. Limerence couldn't, nor could Delusion. Why would Ludus or Release? Unclear wouldn't. Eluding and Appealing don't know him, they wouldn't help him. The empty store wouldn't help him.
"Where will I be tomorrow? Somewhere in the middle where I don't wanna be." He quietly walked farther and deeper into the store to hide himself.
"Down an aisle, standing on checkered tiles with light brown hair and white dyed at the tips, held a basket of flowers either moving them or throwing them away. She walked with quiet steps, she was too light to make heavy ones. She had a sweatshirt on with an apron on top of it. She was short, so close enough. He ran and the short girl turned around awkwardly on a stumbling foot. He sent them both onto the tiled floor. Her eye initially bounced off the stranger, not noticing anyone important at all, just someone attacking her.
He whined again, holding onto the stranger in a desperate hug. Forgetting any embarrassment and just releasing all the build up emotions onto a stranger."
"Let me see Kenna! Please, I can't stand it! It hurts!"
"Āpala?"
The lover's name was Āpala.
"She wiped his eyes and he saw a blood covered apron. A rainbow darkened redder than the flowers she once held. His forehead was cut and bleed out onto her clothes. He saw Kenna, a little older of course and different. She pulled him up and into herself. If he was exploding with tears and emotion, now he was drowning the world in a star full of tears. His feeling of limerence went away, thorns burning into scattering clouds. He felt peace again, happy, but tears wouldn't stop nor would the emotions that now physically poured out of him in a pink hue. She shifted slightly at the sight of his feelings then pulled him in again. All the emotions fell into her. Though they didn't form like his did, she poured feelings back into him. He was scared to tell her now, like he was then, yet, ashes burned his skin."
"I LIKE YOU KENNA!"
"Āpala.. You did too!"
The two cried, talked and laughed. He didn't hold back or hide anything from her, even down to his mother dying, because why would he lie to the person he cared for?
"I-I'm" Limerence stuttered. "I'm sorry." Her tears fell onto his face, she rubbed them away. "I'll be here for you. As long as we never leave each other again. It hurts to never see you."
"It hurts trying to forget you, I could never."
"Me, neither…" Her face softened into a pink shade, Āpala's followed.
"I'm… going to be King tomorrow…"
"C-" She stuttered. "Could I be your Queen?"
His mother's voice filled his mind. "Be the smartest. Don't have more than one kid, don't fall in love. There's only one person ever running the country, Āpala. That's the way it's been for centuries."
"The Crude King's name was Āpala."
"Of course you can. I don't want my castle empty and not lively."
Their hug tightened. In the distance, another employee came to investigate the scene. The lights dimmed and an eerie version of Delusion faded in the distance. Two scars fell from her eyes like tears.
"kenosee…"
A ring tone blasted into my ears from under my pillow. I woke up throwing my sheets off my bed. Tears ran down my face. The dream was told from an outside perspective, but I felt things I hadn't before. A form of care or understanding I got from living the life of the crude King. Stella's sleeping face reddened and tears fell from her eyes.
"Looks like we both saw the dream…