The start of another day... it only meant that my pain would be prolonged by a few more hours.
I opened my eyes with difficulty. The cold emanating from the cement ledge by the roadside pierced through my emaciated body. I hadn't had a proper meal in three days. The burning hunger rising from within felt as if it were tearing through my chest. I struggled to prop myself up on my arms and sat up.
The people passing by looked at me with deep disgust. Some even whispered loud enough for me to hear, "She's still here... that cursed monster!"
Ignoring them, I took out the torn piece of black umbrella fabric from my pocket. It was the only precious possession left in my life. I carefully wrapped it around my wrist and tied a knot.
"You must be somewhere... maybe you've even forgotten me..." I whispered to myself with a painful smile touching my fading lips.
Supporting my trembling legs, I stood up. I wanted to go to a deserted place away from human habitation, but my body's strength was betraying me. As I walked, I stopped by a river. Seeing my strange reflection appearing on the surface of the water, I felt a profound hatred for my own image. I stirred the water with my hand, erasing my shadow.
When the hunger became unbearable, I set aside my soul and decided to beg. I stopped near a little boy sitting by the roadside. The child was eating a bun with great relish. I extended my trembling hands toward him, using shadow gestures to plead for a bit of food.
That innocent child was not afraid of my strange appearance. He smiled slightly and prepared to give me half of the bun in his hand. My heart filled with relief. But it took only a second for that hope to turn to ashes.
"What are you doing, son! Don't touch that cursed thing!" The boy's mother ran over, snatched the piece of bread, and threw it into the gutter on the road. "Get out of here, instead of begging with a face like a monster!" she cursed at me.
I watched helplessly as the piece of bread fell into the muddy water of the gutter and dissolved. I wanted to scream and cry, but only a mute whimper escaped my throat. I dragged my lifeless body toward another dark street.
The whole world began to spin before my eyes. I slowly closed them. But amidst that darkness, I sensed a familiar scent. I struggled to open my eyes.
Through the mist, I saw him! The kind man I had met before was standing in front of me. His eyes held the same boundless kindness as before. He took a bun from his bag and placed it in my hand.
"Eat this..." he whispered in a very soft voice.
A tear from my eye fell onto his hand. He gave a small smile and gently stroked my head. As I felt that warmth, my final bit of strength dissolved, and I fell right into his arms. Even as the darkness completely enveloped me, I felt safe.
But... that warm picture painted in my mind suddenly shattered like glass. I startled awake and opened my eyes.
There was no bun in my hands. He was not there. On my head was not his warm hand, but only a few cold raindrops falling from the sky. I was still alone in the middle of that dark street. As I realized the mocking illusion my mind had played on me due to hunger, I felt a pain so sharp it felt as if my heart would burst.
I looked at my trembling hands. There was no bun given by him, only that old piece of umbrella fabric I had tightly wrapped around my wrist myself.
Truly, I was dying now. I felt as if even my breath was preparing to leave me. Yet, I was not yet allowed to die. Placing my hands on the road, I crawled another inch forward. Suddenly, something stopped near my eyes. It was... a bun! A sand-covered bun that had slipped from someone's hand and fallen by the roadside. I grabbed it with both of my trembling hands.
That first bit of food to hit my stomach in days felt like a massive weight. "Just a little longer... I want to live..." I whispered to myself.
After finishing the food, my body gained a small spark of life. I slowly stood up and looked at that old piece of cloth tied to my wrist. "Even though he didn't come to me, he must have sent this to me..." I smiled like a madwoman.
I continued to walk forward. Through the mist, I saw a figure coming from afar. The moment I saw that figure, my heart stopped.
"Chen... xi...!" The word escaped my mouth as a faint whimper.
It was Chenxi! My little sister.
She had become more beautiful than before. I suddenly felt like running to her, hugging her, and crying. I wanted to scream, 'Sister, I'm here! I didn't die!'
But I immediately hid behind a wall nearby. I looked at my rough hands and my torn rags. If she saw a "monster" like me, she would be frightened.
I did not want to bring misfortune into her life. Hiding behind the wall, I watched her with eyes full of love.
Chenxi suddenly stopped. As if sensing someone was watching her, she looked around. I held my breath and pressed myself against the wall. She looked here and there for a while, and thinking no one was there, she started walking again.
I watched until she disappeared from my sight. Then I knelt by the roadside. I covered my mouth with both hands and sobbed, not letting the sound escape.
"Sister... you are doing well... that is enough for me... that alone is enough!"
As I knelt there crying, that black piece of cloth on my wrist fluttered in the wind.