As they reached the gate, it was almost silent. No chatter, no noise—like everyone was holding something in.
"Must be planning a party."
As they walked toward the entrance, some people were already looking at Naoki. Those cold stares… yeah, they still haunt me. Even in my pajamas.
Until..
"Hey, Naoki! We saw your trailer!"
"Yeah, can't believe you're gonna be a star!"
"Go, Naoki!"
People cheered. I did not expect that. At all.
As the typical Naoki, of course, I puffed my nose like I had already won an award.
"Naoki! Naoki! Naoki!"
Okay… this is new.
"Don't get too happy now," Saitou whispered. "They can make fun of your height any minute."
"Relax, buddylocks. I already trained for incoming encounters. Besides, haters are your most loyal audience."
"Still, I've got your back."
"Thanks, bestie."
But he's right. If you're aware of your surroundings, there's always a certain chance that a friend group with questionable hairstyles will discriminate against your physical appearance.
"Hey, chump! We heard about your show!"
"We bet it's gonna be as short as your height!"
"Yeah, yeah! Short as your height!"
Ah, yes. The trio. The introduction, the climax, and the guy who just repeats everything.
Finally, Saitou stepped in. Look at those blue eyes. Intimidating. "Scram off, you shi—"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you gonna say?" I whispered.
"Something life-insulting."
I gasped. "You're a horrible person," I whispered back.
"What's that? Planning to defend the elf?"
"Yeah, yeah! You gonna defend the elf?"
I cleared my throat.
"Gentlemen, I'm going to translate for him. He's saying that you boneless meatheads should leave now, or else he will ask the block of cheese in his refrigerator to erase you from existence."
Silence. A beautiful, confusing silence.
"Was that supposed to hurt?"
"Yeah yeah! Was that?"
"Yes!" I answered immediately.
They walked away, confused.
"Why are we still talking to that weirdo? My brain hurts."
"Yeah, yeah! My brain hurts too."
"Shut up!"
Meanwhile, Saitou looked both impressed and disappointed.
"That's not what I was supposed to say."
"I saved your speech for three years. You're welcome."
Saitou grinned. "You might want to look up front."
"What-"
I flinched.
"Oh. Hey, Yuta."
Yuta stared at me. Not blinking. Not smiling. Just staring.
"What did you do?"
"Hey, buddy, listen—"
"My bike. What did you do to it?"
"Okay, let's calm down—"
He grabbed my collar and dragged me toward the rooftop.
Ah. So we're skipping negotiation.
"Saitou. Don't." Yuta said.
"Got it."
Dozens of students gathered. Of course they did. Nothing brings people together like potential violence... and watching your favorite movie for the sixty eighth time.
"Dude, if you just let me-"
"The last time I saw it, it was in a junkyard," Yuta said. "Covered in dust. Begging for help."
"Dude, please!"
"And then you told me to calm down?"
"Just let me say it!"
"Then say it!"
"I used it for the show!"
"..."
"…I used it for an action scene. It crashed mid-take. I didn't know how to tell you."
A pause.
"If you're gonna push me, push me. But you're not gonna do it, bubba."
He didn't push me off. Instead, he shoved me to the ground.
Fair enough.
"Your show better be good. Or you're paying double."
"Okay!"
As I got up, my phone vibrated.
"General meeting. 2:00 PM." – Boss
…Oh.
We're doing this now.
***
Welcome to the most dangerous place on Earth.
A classroom before lunch.
The teacher was already talking. I don't know when he started, and honestly, I don't think he knows either.
"And if you look at the board-"
I looked. Numbers. A lot of numbers. None of them were helping my career.
I leaned back in my chair, watching my future slowly fade into chalk dust.
This is how legends die. Not in battle. Not in glory. But in endless algebra lessons. Even though, they're not applying for engineering.
I glanced sideways.
Saitou. Sitting properly, listening, understanding everything.
Disgusting.
Meanwhile, I had more important things to think about. My show's tonight premier, surpassing Nick's-
"Naoki."
Oh no.
I turned slowly, like that dumb horror movie character.
"Yes, sir?"
"Since you seem to be… deep in thought, solve the problem."
I walked to the board, the numbers judged me.
"…Right."
I wrote something. Confidence. Temporary confidence for five minutes or less. I turned.
"There you go."
"…Explain."
Of course.
"There's a very advanced technique here," I said. "You rearrange the numbers into something more… emotionally correct."
***
"Sit down."
Victory.
"I was close," I whispered.
Saitou sighed.
***
2:00 PM came.
I didn't go.
I just don't wanna see the old man, and get scolded. So, I walked out of the school and went home, humming my favorite song. Well, it just doesn't end like that.
Suddenly, a mysterious, expensive, black car stopped at my front. The windows rolled down dramatically.
A woman in a suit lowered her shades.
"Mr. Toriyama. You're coming with me."
"And why would I?"
She showed a badge. Flashy and silver, my eyes almost stopped working.
"I have no idea what that is."
"Special Government Service. Mr. Watanabe is expecting you."
Great. Just great.
"You have movies?"
"Yes."
"Alright. I'm in."
***
After the ride-
"Thanks! Movie wasn't 4K, but the drinks were great!"
She drove off. I don't think she heard me.
I sighed.
I already knew how this would go. I knocked twice.
"Come in."
"Wrong answer."
A sigh from inside. "Just get in."
I stepped in.
"Long time no see, Mr. Primey. Last time I saw you was your sixtieth birthday."
"That was last week, Toriyama."
"But, your wrinkles-"
"Sit down."
I stayed standing. Important principle.
"I said, sit down."
…Fine.
I sat.
"So, what did you summon me for? New mission? By the way, I gave you a laptop. It's easier."
"Naoki."
"And you can do virtual meetings now. Very efficient. You can even change your diaper mid-meeting."
"Naoki."
"What?"
"I'm talking."
***
"As I was saying. None of your guesses are correct. Why are you here?"
"You're excited about my show?"
"I've seen the trailer. Do you mind explaining it?"
A screen appeared.
"My pleasure!"
The video played.
"That's me running from raccoons. Long story. They started it. Then edits, intro, me and Saitou, and that's the part where I'm secretly hired by the government to stop a bomb guy."
"Stop."
The screen went dark.
"…Do you know who that is?"
"The target from the desert mission."
"Correct. Why did you film it?"
"I have limited budget, so the actors said no."
"You filmed a classified operation."
"Oh, come on. My audience doesn't even watch the news. They don't know anything."
"Naoki."
"And compared to certain press conferences-"
"Stop talking."
"…Alright."
"You lack awareness of your own surroundings. You don't know the difference between a stage and a meeting room."
"..."
"Your show cannot air. If it does, it compromises everything. Choose. No show… or no job."
I looked at him. He wasn't joking. I looked at my badge. Then placed it on the table.
" Your job, then."
A pause.
"Happy retirement, Mr. Toriyama."
I stood up, and alked to the door. I paused for a bit.
"I was going to say something funny…"
…Nothing came.
"…Never mind."
I left.