"Sigh."
I let out a deep sigh.
It was a sigh born from feeling so lost that I couldn't figure out what to do next.
I had sought help thinking I should take the safest path for Kanna's sake. But instead of getting assistance, I'd ended up volunteering information about myself.
If they were going to refuse from the start, they should have just said no right away. But to listen to everything and then say it can't be done, that I should refrain—how does that make any sense?
If they had said that and then offered help, I would have been truly grateful. But judging by the atmosphere surrounding Kanna so far, that seemed highly unlikely, making the situation even more depressing.
The situation was so overwhelming I wanted to tear my hair out.
I felt frustrated by the powerlessness of not being able to do anything.
If only I were an adult, if only I were a Hero instead of a student.
These were impossible "what ifs," but my desperate desire to grasp at any straw kept such thoughts coming.
Why do I keep getting caught up in things that prevent me from taking action?
Even if I'm chosen and loved by the stars, are there still limits to what I can do?
I shouldn't stop here—I need to move forward.
I was nowhere near satisfied with the current situation; in fact, I felt like exploding with frustration, but I couldn't see how to overcome this.
Was it because I'm young that they wouldn't trust my judgment?
If they would just listen to even the smallest voices and make judgments based on them, they could achieve better results.
Of course, I understood that many people would suffer if the Wall collapsed.
But still, I couldn't help feeling that nagging "but still" in my heart.
So does this mean I have to find the Totem on my own after all?
It's Kanna's problem, but involving her would be dangerous. Yet I don't think I can find the hidden Totem by myself.
If I could treat Kanna despite the risks, if I could just restore her, I would be satisfied with that alone. But the thought that if danger struck, both treatment and restoration would remain mere wishes—with nothing being accomplished—made me hesitate.
As I trudged home, Kanna, who must have heard the door opening, came rushing out to greet me.
"You're back? Welcome home!"
A bright, cheerful greeting.
"Yeah, I'm back."
If she were treated, I wouldn't receive such greetings anymore. That made it all the more painful.
But I hated the thought of having to continue this kind of life even more.
If someday she regains her memories, wouldn't that time be lost to the Kanna who remembers? Wouldn't it just extend the period where she says and does things she wouldn't want to?
"Hamin, you don't look well..."
"Oh, no. It's just a bit hot outside."
I brushed it off, fanning myself with my hand. Kanna's expression relaxed as she said, "Really?" seeming relieved.
Given the situation, the festival that was supposed to be held at the Academy in May had long been canceled.
I had planned to experience various things with Kanna and walk around together, but it was all for nothing now.
The festival was gone, and Kanna was sick.
Lost in these thoughts, I opened my mouth to speak to Kanna.
"...I'll definitely make you better."
Kanna replied:
"Okay, thank you!"
Her smile was bright, grateful just for my effort to help her.
*
When the weekend passed and Wednesday arrived, the last week of May exams began.
I had thought life would be easier with fewer exams, but the truth was, this exam didn't matter much anyway.
Before the exam started, I had a moment to talk with Orca, who stood beside me.
"...Are you really going to be the Bottom Rank?"
She had already asked this once each during the weekend, Monday, and Tuesday.
To her worried voice, I had repeatedly answered that it was fine, that I would manage it.
And now on the day itself, I could see how concerned she was about whether I would really go through with it.
I could tell how much she worried about me.
Was it because her competitive spirit couldn't bear to see her rival, someone she considered a wall, plummet to the bottom?
Yet her inability to stop me because Kanna was the reason—that was truly beautiful.
"Yes."
I didn't hesitate.
"I'll take the Bottom Rank, so you keep holding onto the Top Rank."
"I'm sorry. I can't do what you're doing, Yoon Ha-min..."
"There's nothing to feel guilty about."
I shrugged as I spoke to her, who looked genuinely apologetic.
"You have your own things to do."
"Thank you for understanding. In return, I'll keep the Top Rank and create a world where people like Kanna can live better in the future. I'll make a world where people like Kanna won't suffer anymore."
"...That's enough for me."
I said that and checked the time.
It was time to go take the exam.
"Oh, by the way, Yoon Ha-min."
"Yeah?"
"So, did you stop studying completely? You can't lie in the practical exam, you know."
Honestly, in practical exams, students might improve, but they never regress. That was the basic principle. So it didn't make sense for a student who had been scoring well to suddenly score nothing.
I understood why Orca was concerned, but I had my own circumstances, so I thought it would be fine.
"My ability has weakened. I was attacked by a Mysterious Person."
"What? Wait, I never heard about this...!"
"And for the written exams, I've already finished studying. It's easier to know the answers and get them wrong than to guess and get them right."
Orca marveled at that, as if she couldn't believe it.
"You really are something else..."
"If I'm going to do this, I need to be the Bottom Rank properly."
I said that and turned my steps toward the classroom.
I took the exams.
Korean, Math, Science, History, Geography, and many other subjects came rushing at once.
When I opened the test papers, there weren't any problems I didn't know. Having devoted myself to studying with the single-minded purpose of helping Kanna, I had reached the point where I could easily derive answers just by looking at the problems.
I had studied this way before, but unlike then, the issue now was that I had to deliberately mark incorrect answers.
How low do I need to score to be the Bottom Rank?
Since Kanna was getting zeros in practical subjects, that was one thing, but how could I ensure I'd be the Bottom Rank?
I felt like I was going crazy, having to worry about how to get the lowest score possible.
Still, if I was going to go crazy, this was the better way.
When I thought of Kanna, my hesitation disappeared.
I wrote my answers with my pen and handed them in.
With the determination that if I was going to fail, I might as well fail completely, I marked only one or two correct answers and deliberately got everything else wrong.
If 3 was the answer, I marked 1; if 4 was the answer, I marked 3.
Knowing the answers made it possible to deliberately miss them.
And at the end, the teacher who was grading temporarily seemed shocked and called me over before the practical exam.
"Yoon Ha-min, what is this?"
"...What are you referring to?"
I had just finished lunch with Orca and was about to prepare for the practical exam when Mrs. Lucia stopped me and demanded an explanation.
In her small hand was my answer sheet.
She must have rushed over because she couldn't stand it when the number of wrong answers exceeded five while grading.
"This. Do you know what your grades are like right now? I haven't finished grading everything, but there are already numerous wrong answers...! What on earth is going on?"
What answer should I give?
If I truly wanted to see their true nature, I needed to be seen as crazy rather than just a Top Rank student being capricious. But what I wanted to do was a kind of protest, so I needed to convey my emotions and prove this was my deliberate choice.
This wasn't something I was doing for fun.
I had to make that clear.
"Mrs. Lucia, I've become disillusioned with heroes."
"...Pardon?"
"Kanna threw herself into danger to the point of becoming this sick, but the Hero Association isn't doing anything about it. Even if she's not a Hero, she's still a student at the Academy—why are they turning a blind eye?"
I said that and glared at the teacher.
Her eyes wavered.
"The claims that she had contact with a Mysterious Person and is suspicious have already lost their power. They're just trying to exclude and guard against her simply because her existence could bring down the Wall, because the damage it could cause would be too great."
"But you know that can't be helped. I'm just a teacher too, so I can't say more than that—it's frustrating...! Just because Kanna is in that situation, why should Yoon Ha-min throw away his life too?"
The teacher waved the answer sheet in her hand.
Ignoring that, I continued.
"Mrs. Lucia, are you saying you agree with forcibly sacrificing someone who didn't even volunteer, and then claiming it's for peace?"
"That's...!"
Peace stained with blood.
Safety built on lies.
Smiles made of falsehood.
If one lives in such a place, they're no longer human.
That would make them the Mysterious Person.
"If this is what being a Hero means, I want to quit."
"Wait, Yoon Ha-min, I think you're acting too rashly. Think about it carefully. If you throw away your life like this, you'll lose the chance to become someone great who could change situations like this in the future."
If you want to change things, rise to a position where you can.
That was truly a reasonable and correct statement.
I understood that the best approach was to endure injustice, overcome it, and eventually break the chain.
But wouldn't that be too late?
If things were already this bad, we might not even know if Kanna would still be around in the future. If we didn't change things now, it would be meaningless.
Even knowing I was being unreasonable, I had to move forward.
I had no way back.
I couldn't have one.
Because the only future I could see behind me was one where Kanna disappeared.
"Perhaps you're right. But if my life is going to be ruined by something like this, I think it's okay if it's ruined."
You said there's no reason for me to throw away my life, but if doing this means throwing away my life, I was willing to do so gladly.
If I could save Kanna, and if I could just stay by her side, I would consider my life successful.
Rather than being a disgusting Hero who forcibly sacrifices one chosen by the majority to find peace,
I will be a Hero who protects the one who tried to sacrifice herself for the majority.
Following Kanna's words to become a star,
I will become a star for Kanna, who would be anxious trapped in darkness.