Honestly, I was reluctant to have someone else bathe me while I was naked.
Of course, I felt more comfortable with Yoon Ha-min than with Orca, but even then, I preferred to avoid the kind of skinship where one person runs their hands over the other's body.
It wasn't that my prosthetic arms and legs lacked waterproofing.
Despite that, I entrusted the bathing to Ha-min because of me.
It wasn't a good look that I had to rely on someone else because of my own issues, but I had no choice.
My prosthetic arms were made of mana-compatible metal.
And I was the possessor of electrical abilities that occasionally went out of control.
If electricity discharged while bathing, I feared not only for my body but also that the prosthetics, which amplified my abilities, might electrocute me even worse.
The sad part was that it wasn't an issue with the prosthetics, but with me.
That said, I had no intention of wearing non-conductive prosthetics, as without them I could only shoot lightning from the contact points between my prosthetics and my limbs.
So I was just depressed about being in a situation where my limbs had to be amputated, and there was nothing else to blame.
If my abilities ever stopped going out of control, that would be when I wouldn't need to rely on Ha-min anymore.
Ha-min looked visibly tense.
After swallowing hard while looking at me, he picked up my detached prosthetic and sighed.
"...It's quite heavy. Doesn't it feel uncomfortable wearing this?"
"It's surprisingly fine. I can lift other things easily, so..."
I shrugged as I answered, and Ha-min made a face like he was struggling with something.
Then a voice that seemed to have crossed his mind several times finally came out.
"Um, isn't this too much?"
"What is?"
"Me bathing you."
"...I don't mind."
When I casually brushed it off, Ha-min looked even more conflicted.
"...But don't these have waterproofing..."
Apparently busy enough washing himself, Ha-min muttered to himself as if helping someone else bathe was burdensome.
Seeing this, I smiled bitterly and answered a question he hadn't even asked me.
"They are waterproof."
"Huh, what?"
"I said they're waterproof."
Ha-min seemed to think I'd asked for help bathing because the prosthetics weren't waterproof.
Since I'd simply said I couldn't bathe alone without explaining why, I figured it wasn't strange for him to misunderstand, so I added:
"It's just that... I could die from my ability going haywire, so that's why. If you don't want to, I can bathe alone."
"No, no! If it's that dangerous, I should help you."
"...Sorry for being so demanding."
"It's fine, these things happen. Just tell me what you need."
With that, Ha-min carefully lifted me up.
After entering the bathroom, he gently set me down on the bath chair.
Without legs to support me, I could easily fall forward or backward, but I quickly found my balance after wobbling a bit.
As I stared blankly at one corner, Ha-min turned on the shower and began checking the water temperature.
My ears perked up at the sound of the rushing water.
Shortly after, Ha-min wet his hand and sprinkled some water on my shoulder.
"Kanna, how's this?"
"Hmm, make it a little warmer please."
"Really? I thought it was adequately warm."
Ha-min said that as he turned the faucet again.
Then he sprinkled water on me that was warmer than before.
Realizing it was hot enough to warm my body pleasantly, I nodded.
"Seems women prefer higher temperatures than men."
"...I wouldn't know."
"I guess that's true."
I tilted my head, unsure what he meant.
Ha-min seemed to understand in his own way, but it felt like he understood something different from what I meant.
He probably wouldn't think the same as me anyway.
"I'm going to spray some water now. Close your eyes."
"Okay."
I entrusted my body to Ha-min.
The water poured down, soaking my head first.
The warm sensation traveled from my crown to my shoulders, warming my chest, stomach, and thighs.
My body trembled.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this sensation—it was so welcome it was almost joyful.
"Ah, mmm..."
Though my eyes were closed, I couldn't help but moan from the pleasure of that warmth.
My body completely relaxed.
The tension in my muscles from having my limbs amputated drained away, my shoulders slumped, and my mind and body became peaceful and warm.
"That feels good, mmm, right there, yes..."
Ha-min's hand stroked my head.
He seemed busy holding the shower with one hand while rinsing my hair with the other, which made me feel a bit sorry, but the feeling of someone carefully massaging my scalp was so pleasant that my eyes closed involuntarily.
The water stopped dripping, and I felt the cool sensation of shampoo.
Since I wasn't washing myself, I couldn't tell exactly how it felt, but the refreshing feeling was evidence that I could comfortably leave myself in his care.
*
After finishing bathing Kanna, I couldn't shake my troubled feelings.
At first, I was happy. Kanna had returned when I thought she might never come back.
Next came anger. I wanted to rage at how so-called heroes could amputate a student's limbs like this. Even while bathing her, I felt disgusted with these "heroes" who forced her to live such a life.
But since it was supposedly for humanity's sake, and if thousands or tens of thousands of people could die without this intervention, I couldn't ignore the greater good that required removing the threat.
Because of this, as a mere student, I felt nothing but powerlessness and incompetence.
Even borrowing the power of stars, I was acutely aware that I was just one individual.
Joy, anger, and a racing heart kept entangling me in a complex web.
I groaned in the whirlpool of these confusing emotions.
Kanna, dressed lightly, had mechanical prosthetic arms and legs.
I even noticed that her fingers were mechanical, as if she'd removed the leather gloves that had made them look like human hands before.
When she said she couldn't bathe alone, I thought maybe the prosthetics weren't waterproof, but learning it was because her uncontrolled abilities could be dangerous made me feel awkward.
I thought, "Why not give her prosthetics that her abilities can't affect?" but that seemed wasteful if she couldn't properly use her abilities. And before that, I gritted my teeth thinking, "Why make her wear prosthetics at all?"
Kanna was busy drying her hair with the whirring hairdryer.
After reattaching her limbs, seeing her return to daily life made my heart heavy.
"...Kanna."
"Yes?"
"Never mind."
"What is it?"
The conversation that ended so flatly only created an awkward silence.
I had opened my mouth, but asking someone who had lost their limbs how it felt seemed utterly inappropriate.
So I squeezed my eyes shut and said something else instead.
"You know, before. You said a mysterious person tore off your arm."
"Yeah. That happened..."
"If it grew back before, couldn't that mysterious person fix your arm again?"
I swallowed hard as I said this.
I couldn't change the system right away.
Attacking the system just because I didn't like it, without anyone's consent, would only create backlash and reduce both my and Kanna's standing.
Swallowing that frustration, I tried to find another solution.
As if understanding this, Kanna smiled slightly and answered:
"That might be possible. But I don't want to meet that mysterious person again."
"...Ah, right. Of course. I wasn't thinking clearly."
"No, it's okay. It's not like I haven't thought about it."
Kanna, perhaps being considerate, said that and then tilted her head up, gently swaying it from side to side.
Her wavy hair drew beautiful curves before stopping.
Kanna stared quietly at the mirror.
She seemed to be examining what was attached to her arms.
As I gazed at her intently, I recalled the scene that had been before my eyes until just moments ago.
The image of her entrusting everything to me in that spacious bathroom kept circling in my mind.
I felt self-loathing.
Until just now, I had been caught in a whirlpool of joy, anger, and powerlessness, but now I was inexplicably excited, which led to inevitable self-disgust.
To erase that self-loathing, I hastily asked her:
"Kanna, what would you like for dinner tonight?"
"Oh, I... anything you make is fine."
"R-really? Then I should go start cooking."
I left the room as if escaping.
Standing in front of the cutting board with my pounding heart in my grip, I couldn't cut anything.
My trembling hands refused to slice anything.
Was it because I had seen Kanna's amputated limbs?
In that sadness, I couldn't even cut a single ingredient.
Ah, why?
Why did I insist on saving someone who couldn't be saved?
The mysterious person had their eye on her, and the greater good demanded her death.
The world seemed to proclaim that her death was necessary for others to live proper lives.
I hated the idea of peace at the cost of one sacrifice. Especially when that sacrifice was someone I wanted to protect.
That's not to say I didn't understand it.
Of course, weighing one person against thousands of lives, the thousands would naturally take precedence.
Nevertheless, I wanted to save that one person.
Of course, I wasn't dismissing the thousands of lives.
I just wanted to save everyone.
Though I was powerless now, I was determined that I could protect them before losing them.
If I were to become a hero, that's the kind of hero I wanted to be.
A hero who saves even those abandoned by everyone else in their quest for survival, safety, and peace.