JAY'S POV
Three months.
That's how long it's been since my life stopped being something I controlled… and turned into something I'm just trying to survive.
At first, it was manageable—treatments, medications, doctors speaking in careful tones like if they chose their words right, it wouldn't sound as bad as it was.
Last month, everything was stable, almost normal in a strange, fragile way… until that night. That one memory—sharp, vivid, unstoppable—crashed into me in my sleep, dragging pieces of my past I wasn't ready to face, and by morning, everything had changed again. The pain got worse. The reports got worse. The silence in the room got heavier.
"Jay… we need to start therapy," the doctor had said gently, like he wasn't asking me to relive things I had buried for a reason.
I just shook my head.
"I can't," I whispered, my voice smaller than I wanted it to be. "Not now… please… just not now."
Because I wasn't just scared of the cancer.I was scared of remembering everything that came with it.
Now?
The hospital feels more like home than anything else.
Cold walls. Soft beeping machines. That constant sterile smell that never really leaves.
I've been here for twenty days straight.
Twenty days of pretending I'm stronger than I feel.
Twenty days of watching everyone around me try not to break.
Percy hasn't left.Not once.
He's always there—sitting beside me, adjusting my blanket, handing me water before I even ask, arguing with nurses like it's his full-time job now.
"Jay, you need to eat," he says for what feels like the hundredth time, holding out a spoon like I'm a stubborn child.
I make a face, turning away. "I am eating… mentally."
"That's not how it works."
"It should be," I mumble, glaring at the tray like it personally offended me.
He sighs, but there's a small smile there. "You're impossible."
"And yet—you're still here," I shoot back weakly.
His smile falters for just a second.
"Always," he says quietly.
I tease him a lot.Make jokes.Complain dramatically about everything.Because it's easier than letting him see the truth.
—
But sometimes…
When I pretend to sleep—
I feel his hand tighten around mine.
And I hear it.
The quiet, broken breaths he tries so hard to hide.
"Please… just stay," he whispered once, so softly I almost thought I imagined it. "Don't leave me too…"
My chest had tightened so hard it hurt more than anything else.But I didn't move.
I didn't open my eyes.Because if I did—
I'd break too.
—
Today feels different.Heavier.Softer.
I wake up slowly, blinking against the dim light of the room, my body aching in that dull, constant way I've gotten used to.
For a second, I just lie there.
Then I remember.My birthday.
My Eighteenth Birthday.
A small, almost bitter smile touches my lips.
"Wow," I whisper to myself. "Happy birthday to me…"
There's a pause.
And then—A thought.Uninvited.Unwanted.
But there anyway.
Him.
Just a tiny part of me… small enough to ignore but still there… wonders what it would've been like if things were different.
If I wasn't here.
If none of this had happened.
If I was with him.
—
I close my eyes tightly, pushing it away.
"No," I murmur. "Not today."
Because remembering him hurts in a way I don't have the strength for anymore.
Because everything tied to him—
Still feels unfinished.
Still feels real.
And then—the door bursts open.
"JAYYYY!!!"
I flinch slightly as the room suddenly fills with noise—balloons, poppers, laughter—Percy, Mom, Dad, Grandpa all crowding in like they're trying to push the heaviness out by force.
"Happy birthday, sweetheart!" Mom beams, her eyes already shining.
Percy's holding the cake, grinning way too widely. "Eighteen, huh? Finally legal to be even more dramatic."
I roll my eyes weakly. "Wow… thank you… exactly what I wanted to hear on my deathbed."
"Don't say that," Dad cuts in immediately, his voice firm but his eyes soft as he steps closer, brushing my hair back gently. "Not today."
Grandpa chuckles softly. "Ignore them. You're still the strongest one here."
I huff lightly. "Obviously."
—
They gather around me, the room suddenly warmer, louder, alive in a way it hasn't been in days.
"Make a wish," Percy says, holding the cake closer, his eyes searching mine like he's hoping I'll say something real.
I look at the candles.
The tiny flames flickering softly.
And for a second—Everything goes quiet again.
What do you even wish for… when everything feels uncertain?
My fingers curl slightly into the blanket.
My chest tightens.
And before I can stop it—That same thought slips in again.
I wish he was here.
I inhale slowly.Then smile.
Small.Soft.
"Okay," I whisper and I blow out the candles.
Cheers fill the room instantly.Claps.Laughter.
Percy dramatically pretending to cry.
"Wow, she didn't even share the wish—rude."
"Cry about it," I mumble, but I'm smiling.
Actually smiling.
Because for now—This is enough.They're here.
I'm here.
I'm still fighting.
But somewhere deep inside—
Past the laughter, past the noise, past everything I'm pretending is okay—That tiny, stubborn part of me still holds onto something I don't say out loud.
Him.
And I don't know if that makes me stronger.Or weaker.
But either way—I'm not ready to let it go.
Then I whispered...."Happy birthday to me… I just hope I live long enough to see him again… even if it's just to fight and curse him one last time."