My hands and feet trembled so badly I couldn't calm down.
My heart was racing wildly, and my vision felt like it was turning yellow.
At that moment, hurried footsteps approached, and someone urgently grabbed both my shoulders.
"Yuliana! What happened?!"
My wandering gaze beyond the terrace railing finally focused on the person holding me.
Only then did I see Lloyd kneeling on one knee, looking at me with concern.
"The child… Denian is gone…"
With Lloyd's arrival, my mind cleared a little, and I tried to stand, swaying.
Lloyd hurriedly supported me.
"First, calm down and wait here. I'll send people to search for Denian."
I weakly pushed away the hand trying to guide me back into the room and headed toward the door.
"No. I'll search too. It'll get dark soon, and it'll be cold. We need to find him as quickly as possible."
But I couldn't even take a few steps before my legs gave out and I stumbled again.
Lloyd supported me once more.
"Yuliana. In your condition, you won't be any help."
At his firm but gentle words, I bit my lip hard.
"I'll ask the imperial family for help as well, so stay in the room and wait. We'll find him soon."
Lloyd was right.
If Denian came back on his own, it was better for me to stay in the palace.
My hands were shaking and my vision was dark just from hearing that he was missing—there was no way I could search properly in this state.
Tears welled up from helplessness.
The thought of a child barely four years old wandering this vast imperial palace tore my heart apart.
I hadn't meant to pressure him.
But my anger toward Kallian must have turned into an arrow that struck the child instead, and guilt flooded me.
As I collapsed onto the bed, Lloyd looked at me with concern.
"We'll find him soon. Just wait a little longer."
Leaving those words behind, Lloyd hurried out of the room.
Later
Contrary to Lloyd's reassurance, hours of searching passed with no sign of the child.
One hour felt like a day. Two hours felt like a week.
Even after the Empress personally stepped in and mobilized the palace soldiers, not a trace of Denian was found.
It felt like the sky was collapsing and the ground was sinking beneath my feet.
My heart pounded with anxiety, and my eyes burned red from crying.
Thinking Denian might be hiding somewhere inside the palace, every room was searched thoroughly.
Yet I couldn't leave the entrance area either, afraid I might miss news that the soldiers had found him.
Just then, a carriage stopped in front of the palace, and a group of people entered.
Thinking it might be news of Denian, I hurried to the lobby—only to freeze at the familiar woman I saw.
"Your Majesty… the Empress…?"
Unlike my stunned reaction, the Empress examined my condition and immediately pulled me into her arms.
I froze at the sudden gesture.
Gently patting my back, she spoke kindly.
"You must have been terribly frightened. Don't worry too much. I've ordered all palace soldiers to search—your child will be found soon."
At her warmth, tears rose to my eyes in a way uncharacteristic of me.
I had always doubted her kindness, but seeing her step in so wholeheartedly made me feel grateful.
"Thank you… Your Majesty…"
At my trembling voice, she pulled back and gently touched my shoulder.
"At times like this, a mother must stay strong. Don't allow weak thoughts or anxiety—hold on firmly."
Biting my trembling lip, I nodded.
She hugged me once more, then sighed softly and stepped back.
"I came because I was worried. As painful as this situation is, I can't stop the imperial banquet, so I must return to the hall."
I nodded in understanding.
"Of course. Just having the palace soldiers' support is more than enough. Thank you."
"Yes. Good news will come soon. I'll take my leave."
With that, the Empress departed with her attendants.
Only after seeing her off to her carriage did I slowly head toward Denian's room, my steps heavy.
It had been five hours since Denian disappeared.
The sun was already hanging over the palace spires, glowing red.
Standing on the terrace where Denian vanished, I stared at the palace and the surrounding mountains bathed in orange light.
My gaze slowly drifted toward the forest to the right of the terrace.
Until now, I had assumed he was wandering inside the palace.
But the palace was surrounded by forests and mountains.
If Denian had entered the forest…
Night temperatures, still holding winter's chill, would drop dangerously once the sun set.
A mother's instinct screamed that I couldn't just wait in the room any longer.
I put on my coat and climbed over the terrace railing, heading into the forest.
Chapter 128
Kallian anxiously searched all around the imperial palace.
He had already been informed that the palace soldiers were searching for the missing Denian.
He postponed even attending the imperial banquet—something he was obligated to do as a duke—and focused entirely on finding the child.
Yuliana wouldn't welcome his involvement, but he couldn't bring himself to attend a banquet calmly.
He felt Denian's disappearance was his fault.
More precisely, it all started when he went to see Denian at the Silverstel Palace.
Because of that, Kallian had mobilized all his Valdormer personnel to search alongside the palace soldiers.
"Kallian-nim."
At his subordinate's voice, Kallian rubbed his face anxiously and exhaled.
"Report."
"No matter how thoroughly we search, there's no trace of the child. It's as if he never existed in the palace at all."
At the report yielding no results, Kallian pushed his hair back heavily.
"Continue searching. Find him today, no matter what."
At his cold, firm command, the subordinate swallowed and withdrew.
As he watched him leave, Kallian's gaze drifted to the orange sun sinking beyond the spires and mountain ridges.
Then his eyes turned toward the direction of the Silverstel Palace.
The mountain range beside it stretched behind the palace like a wall.
"…As if the child never existed in the palace at all."
Repeating the words in his mind, Kallian suddenly realized something and broke into a run.
Meanwhile
The forest after sunset felt darker and colder than usual.
With a child's short steps, even if Denian had entered the forest, he couldn't have gone far.
Some palace soldiers had expanded the search into the woods, but I couldn't stay still.
There was no telling what could happen to a small child in the forest after dark.
"Denian! Where are you?!"
Holding a lantern, I moved carefully, leaving marks on trees so I wouldn't lose my way back.
"Denian!"
After wandering desperately for a long time with no response—
I heard something like sobbing carried by the wind.
At first, I thought it was just the wind, but a mother's instinct didn't miss it.
I quickened my pace.
As doubt turned into certainty, trees and rocks no longer registered in my vision.
Then suddenly, the sobbing stopped.
It felt like losing a compass.
Panicked, I raised my voice.
"Denian!!"
After a moment of silence, a thin, trembling voice answered.
"M-mom…?"
I snapped my head toward the sound as if struck by lightning.
But all I could see were bare trees and damp leaves.
Was it my imagination…?
Watching my breath fog the air, I forced myself to focus.
No. I definitely heard Denian's voice.
"Denian! Where are you?!"
At my frantic call, I heard the child crying.
"M-mom… I'm scared…"
Not my imagination.
I spun toward the sound again, but only darkness and trees appeared.
Holding the lantern forward, I squinted.
As I cautiously shone the light, I realized the path behind the trees—what I had thought was thick grass—suddenly ended.
It was a cliff.
The moment I realized it, dread rushed over me.
My legs shook as I stumbled toward the edge.
Crawling on all fours, I reached the cliff and looked down.
The moment I saw a small shape below, tears burst out.
"Denian!!"
The child was trembling, his small foot braced against a thin tree growing sideways from the cliff.
It was too high for a four-year-old to climb up or down.
He must have wandered into the forest and slipped without realizing a cliff was there.
I felt anger at his reckless action—but more than that, overwhelming relief that he was alive.
Steadying my trembling heart, I spoke as calmly as I could.
"Denian, wait. Mommy will save you."
Pressed against the cliff, the child looked like he was about to cry.
"M-mom… I-I'm sorry…"
Even though he must have been terrified, he only apologized, thinking he caused me trouble.
I forced a smile to calm him.
"It's okay. Everything will be okay. Don't cry."
I quickly scanned the area for something to pull him up with.
But even if I lowered something, a four-year-old couldn't climb up by himself.
The wisest choice would be to go get help—
Crack.
The thin tree barely holding the child began to tilt, making ominous sounds.
Below was so dark I couldn't even see the bottom.
"M-mom…"
Terrified, Denian clung desperately to the cliff and looked up at me.
There was no time to call anyone.
I made a quick decision, braced one hand on the ground, and stretched the other down as far as I could.
"Denian! Grab Mommy's hand!"
The child reached up with all his strength.
But his hand fell just short.
"Just a little… a little more…"
Then—
Crack!
As Denian stood on tiptoe and put weight on the branch, the fragile tree gave way, soil and all.
"Denian!!"
The instant his body dropped, I lunged forward and grabbed his hand.
My upper body was pulled forward, and I began to slide down the cliff.
Normally, we would have fallen together.
But by luck, the hem of my dress caught on a sharp tree root at the edge.
"Denian, don't let go of Mommy's hand."
Hanging from my grip, the child trembled, pale with fear.
"M-mom…"
I held his hand with all my strength and slowly reached with my other hand to pull his arm up.
Then—
Rip.
The sound of tearing fabric echoed.
"M-mom!"
At his frightened cry, I pulled him with everything I had.
All I could think was getting him up before the dress tore completely.
"Mommy will pull you up. Grab my clothes and climb, okay?"
The child shook his head in fear.
"Th-then what about you?"
"There's no time for that, Denian!"
At that moment—
Rip—!
The dress finally tore apart.
At the same time, my body slid downward.
Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around Denian.
Even if we fell, I wanted him to survive.
Holding him tightly, we tumbled down the cliff.
I didn't know how many times we rolled, hitting trees and rocks.
All I could think was that Denian had to live.
Then everything suddenly stopped.
Was it true that pain disappears right before death?
The lack of pain felt strange as I opened my eyes.
Someone's warm breath touched my forehead.
When I saw the man's face in front of me, reality slipped away.
"Kallian…?"
Why was he here…?
Blood streamed down from Kallian's forehead as he lay unconscious.
Only then did I realize he was holding both me and Denian protectively.
"Kallian!"
When I shook him, his arms fell limply.
I sat up, checked that Denian was safe, and then examined Kallian.
His body was covered in cuts and wounds, and blood flowed heavily from his head.
My trembling hand searched his hair.
"Kallian, wake up. Please."
Warm, wet blood soaked my palm.
As I pressed the wound to stop the bleeding, tears overflowed.
"Why… why did you go this far…?"
At that moment—
"There are people at the bottom of the cliff!"
Soldiers who spotted the lantern shouted.
Soon, the sound of horses approaching echoed.
"H-hurry! This man first—"
Even though Kallian had cushioned the fall, it was still a great height.
My head spun, and darkness closed in.
"M-mom!!"
At Denian's crying voice, I collapsed onto Kallian.
Later
Kallian slowly lifted his heavy eyelids.
Pain slammed into his head the moment he woke.
"Ghk—"
After breathing deeply for a while, he heard steady breathing beside the bed.
Turning his head, he saw Yuliana asleep by his bedside, her arms and shoulders wrapped in bandages.
Looking at her injured arms filled him with anger toward himself.
Pathetic fool. You hurt her again.
A strange sense of déjà vu struck him.
Again…? Had she been hurt before…?
As if recalling yesterday after waking from sleep, memories flooded in naturally.
His foolish, hate-driven past.
Yuliana's death.
And the second chance that followed.
"…Ah."
What are these memories?
Yuliana died?
Not just once.
Twice. Three times. Four times…
Countless deaths, and his despair, rushed through his mind.
Clutching his head, Kallian struggled to breathe through the storm of memories.
When everything returned, his eyes darkened and trembled.
"…Ah."
I loved you through endless lifetimes.
"…Ah…"
You were my only breath and light.
Only then did he understand the crushing pain he felt whenever he looked at her.
Love so deep it twisted into obsession.
Thinking of Denian, tears slid down his face.
The selfish choices he made to protect the woman he loved—
And the countless times he still failed to save her.
With trembling fingers, Kallian brushed Yuliana's hair aside.
His eyes, filled with aching tenderness, twisted with sorrow.
What should I do now…?
His fingertips slid to her cheek.
Tears fell from his eyes.
Tell me, Yuliana…