Chapter 1: Rebooting a Flaccid Fate
Dying was supposed to be the final act.
The screeching tires, the shattering glass, the sudden fade to black.
But waking up gasping for air on a filthy bathroom floor?
That was definitely not on my bucket list.
My lungs burned with the overwhelming stench of cheap incense and stale beer.
My throat throbbed with a dull ache.
I reached up, my fingers brushing against the rough, scratchy fiber of a crude rope tied loosely around my neck.
I hauled myself up, gripping the edges of a grime-stained porcelain sink, and stared into the cracked mirror.
Green skin.
Pointed ears.
Eyes wide with a lingering, pathetic terror that did not belong to me.
I was a goblin.
A surprisingly well-dressed goblin in a tailored leather vest with dark lace trim, but a goblin nonetheless.
Before the panic could even set in, a tidal wave of foreign memories slammed into my skull.
It felt like my brain was being split down the middle.
My name was Grik.
I was an orphaned scholarship student at the elite Monster Academy, and I was the undisputed laughingstock of my peers.
In a world completely governed by primal strength and brutal instincts, Grik was physically pathetic.
But a weak body was not the reason he was crying in a brothel bathroom.
He had saved up months of his meager allowance to visit the red-light district.
He wanted to prove he was a "real man" before the hellish semester began.
He paid for a high-tier succubus, walked into the bedroom, and experienced a complete, humiliating failure to launch.
The succubus had laughed.
Grik had panicked, locked himself in this filthy bathroom, and decided that instead of facing the crushing embarrassment outside the door, he would simply quit life entirely.
I stared at my green reflection, absolutely horrified by the sheer cowardice.
"Come on, buddy," I rasped. "You do not unalive yourself over a little performance anxiety. We had pills for this back on Earth."
Dying over a malfunction was ridiculous.
I was just about to curse whatever cosmic force had dropped me into this pathetic existence when the air in front of me shimmered.
A translucent blue screen flickered to life, accompanied by a sharp, ringing chime in my mind.
{
[System Boot Sequence Initiated…]
[Running Biological Diagnostics…]
[Error Detected: Critical Peripheral Device Malfunction (Psychological/Physical Block). System output compromised.]
[Main Quest Issued: The Art of Finesse]
Objective: Prove your worth to the System. The locals of this realm rely entirely on brute-force methods. Use your Earth knowledge to navigate basic anatomy and bring the target in the next room to 100% completion.
Time Limit: 30 Minutes.
Reward: Complete system reset, biological repair, and permanent physical optimization. (+10 Charm). Penalty for Failure: Permanent loss of function.
}
I blinked at the glowing blue text hovering in the damp air.
The System was not going to wave a magic wand and fix me.
It was demanding that I prove my worth by solving the problem myself.
As I read the prompt a second time, the panic completely evaporated, replaced by a cold, calculating calm.
My Earth-born mind was already racing, analyzing the variables and formulating a strategy.
In this Monster Kingdom, intimacy did not include the delicate foreplay of my past life.
These creatures did not understand the intricate mechanics of pleasure.
They valued raw efficiency, viewing the act as nothing more than a primal, brute-force ritual.
I adjusted the dark lace collar of my leather vest, rolled my shoulders, and took a slow, deep breath.
I unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out.
The succubus was waiting on the edge of the cheap mattress.
Her maroon wings were folded tightly behind her back, and her spade-tipped tail flicked with obvious annoyance.
She was inspecting her sharp nails, rolling her glowing eyes as I entered the room.
She fully expected the wretched, weeping mess she had bullied into the bathroom ten minutes ago.
"Look, greenie," she sighed, her voice dripping with absolute boredom.
"If your equipment is broken, just leave. I charge by the hour, and I am not running a charity clinic for defective goblins."
I did not flinch.
I did not shrink away.
I stood perfectly still, my eyes sweeping over her seductive form, noting the subtle shift of her weight and the twitch of her wings.
"I apologize. I just needed a moment to freshen up," I said.
My voice was steady, a low baritone completely devoid of the fear she expected. "And I am not leaving."
Her brow furrowed in genuine confusion.
The pathetic, trembling goblin was suddenly analyzing her like a complex puzzle waiting to be solved.
"What are you talking about?" she scoffed.
"You could not even get it to stand up."
"I was simply thinking about the best way to thoroughly devour you," I interrupted smoothly.
I walked slowly toward the edge of the bed.
I raised my hand, deliberately flexing my green fingers as I mentally mapped out the nerve clusters and pressure points I had studied back on Earth.
"Why do you not lie back?" I smirked, the blue System interface glowing warmly in my peripheral vision.
"I am going to show you how we do things where I am from. And I promise you, I do not need brute force to make you beg."