Hey my cuties šš„
How are you all doing ?
It's been 4 days since my last updateā¦ and I'm really sorry if anyone thought this was going to be a chapter.
I'm not okay right now.
And I don't even know how to say this without breaking down.
This has honestly been one of the worst weeks of my entire 2026.
I was hospitalized.
My haemoglobin was 5.6.
And I didn't even have the strength to process it properly while everything was happening.
I disappeared because I needed medical careā¦ and also because I desperately needed some mental peace.
But the bitter truth isā¦
I didn't get either.
I thought maybe I could rest there.
Maybe I could feel safe for once.
But I felt more alone than ever.
š„
I don't know how to say this without sounding like I'm complainingā¦ but I need to let it out somewhere.
My family thinks I'm overreacting.
They say I'm a burden.
And it hurts more than anything I've ever felt.
Because I remember everything.
Every night I stayed awake for them.
Every time I put myself aside just to help them.
Even when I was youngerā¦ I still did what I thought was my responsibility.
And I never regretted it, and i won't till the end.
Because it's family.
Because that's what I believed love meant.
But lying on that hospital bedā¦
weak, exhausted, unable to even sit properlyā¦
I felt something I never felt before.
Empty.
Truly empty.
No friends beside me.
No family comfort.
No one holding my hand.
Just me.
And silence.
And tears I couldn't stop for 3 nights.
Today makes it 4.
š
And then life didn't even stop there.
I fell down when I tried to stand.
Hard.
And now my back pain feels unbearable even after discharge.
But everyone around me says I'm just making excuses to avoid studying.
And you know what, i will go tomorrow tuitions also in BRTS... because I can't stay at home atleast... I really can't stay here anymore...even if my pain worsens, it's ok...
I just want some mental peace.
From sentences from them like:-
That I don't want to work hard.
That I'm just being dramatic.
And ... I don't even have the energy to argue anymore.
Because what do you say when no one believes your pain?
š„
And it doesn't end thereā¦
My friendsā¦
I understand they have their own lives.
I really do.
But sometimes I just wishā¦
someone would ask me "are you okay?"
Just once.
Just a simple text.
Not to fix me.
Not to save me.
Just to remind me that I still matter to someone.
My co-author is also going through her own health strugglesā¦ I understand her too.
I'm not blaming her at all. Not at all.
But a small "take care" would've meant everything to me in this moment.
And then there's my best friendā¦ Nova.
Some of you all know what she means to me from my first book.
She came into my life when I had nothing.
When I was empty.
When I had no one.
And nowā¦
I don't know what's happening.
No calls.
No messages.
Maybe she's busy.
Maybe she has her own battles.
But stillā¦
why is it always like this?
Why does everyone become distant exactly when I need them the most?
š„
I don't say this to blame anyone.
I'm not angry.
I'm justā¦
hurt.
deeply hurt.
And tired of pretending I'm fine.
So if you're reading thisā¦
please don't pity me.
That's not what I want.
I just wanted to let it out somewhere before it eats me alive from the inside.
This is my life right now.
Some days I laugh on it too.
Some days I cry.
Some days I don't even feel like I exist properly.
But I'm still here.
Somehow.
Still writing.
Still trying.
Still surviving.
š
If you have made it till hereā¦
thank you for listening to me without judgment.
That alone means more than you know.
And if I go silent again for a bitā¦
please understand.
I'm not gone.
I'm just trying to hold myself together.
One piece at a time.
š„
Love you all.
Regards,
Yours lovingly,
Author ~CARE... šš¤