The quiet is unbearable. Not the kind of quiet that feels peaceful. Not the kind that lets you think. The kind that presses on you. The kind that makes every small sound feel too loud. The kind that reminds you of what's missing.
I sit on the edge of my bed, phone in my hand, staring at the screen like it might do something on its own.
It doesn't. Of course it doesn't. Because there are no new messages. Not from him. Not from Lucifer.
My thumb hovers over his name in my contacts. Just one tap. That's all it would take. One message.
One "hey."
One "are you okay?"
One anything.
But I don't. I can't. Because I was the one who said I needed space. I was the one who left. Again.
"....So why does it feel like I'm the one waiting?" I mutter.
The words fall flat in the empty room. Because I already know the answer. Because I want him to reach out. Even though I told him not to. Even though I said I needed time. Even though—
God. This is so stupid.
I fall back onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. Same position as last time. Same thoughts. Same mess. But this time. It's worse.
Because now I know what it feels like. To sit next to him. To hold his hand. To-
I press my lips together. My chest tightens. "…Don't," I whisper to myself.
Don't think about it. Don't replay it. Don't.....Too late.
It's already there. That moment. That first kiss.
Soft.
Careful.
Real.
My stomach flips. I groan, dragging a pillow over my face. "Why did I leave?" I mumble into it.
Because it was too much. Because it was confusing. Because you were scared.
"…Yeah," I sigh.
That sounds about right. My phone buzzes suddenly. I freeze. My heart jumps straight into my throat.
I grab it instantly. Too fast. Too desperate. The screen lights up.
And my expression drops. Not him. Just a random notification.
"...Right," I mutter, tossing the phone beside me.
Of course. Why would it be him? He said he understood. He said he'd give me time. And he is.
He's doing exactly what I asked. So why does it feel like he's… gone? The thought hits harder than it should.
Because what if— What if he actually lets me go? What if this space turns into distance? What if this just…
Ends?
My chest tightens painfully. "No," I say quickly, sitting up again. No. That's not what I want. Not anymore. Not after-
I stop myself. Because I don't even know what this is yet. I don't even know what he wants.
I just...Miss him.
The realization is quiet. But heavy. And once it's there. I can't ignore it.
I pick up my phone again. Stare at his name. My thumb hovers. Shakes slightly.
"…Just one message," I whisper. Just one. But instead. I lock my phone.
Drop it onto the bed. And lean back again. Because I'm not ready. Not yet.
Even if it hurts.
Even if the silence is louder than anything he could say.