Chapter 318: The Most Popular Superhero Rankings
Two days after the Battle of the Big Apple, the world was in no hurry to settle back into normal.
Frankly, it couldn't have settled down even if it wanted to — the whole planet now knew, beyond doubt, that aliens existed, and that Earth could face a crisis like this again at any moment.
Superheroes had mostly stayed regional curiosities up to this point. But after this fight, the entire world had learned about the full breadth of superheroes out there — along with all the various organizations behind them.
Nobody benefited more from all this than Hell's Kitchen. People everywhere now knew about the "Lord of Hell's Kitchen," a man capable of single-handedly crushing an alien invasion — and about Hell's Kitchen itself, a place that apparently mass-produced superheroes.
Mutants, too, came out of this with a major image boost, having helped save the entire planet. Online commentary skewed heavily in their favor, with plenty of ordinary people — having just witnessed a genuine alien invasion firsthand — now openly wishing they could become mutants themselves, just to have that kind of power.
The internet flooded with glowing praise for Ethan and the rest of Hell's Kitchen's roster.
One particularly popular site even put together a full popularity ranking and rating system for all the superheroes involved.
Taking the top spot, unsurprisingly, was Ethan, hands down.
#1 — THE LORD OF HELL'S KITCHEN (9.9/10)
"An eternal legend!"
"Ethan should just BE the mayor of the Big Apple. Federal government's garbage anyway!"
"Anybody know how I move to Hell's Kitchen??"
"Earth's strongest warrior, no contest!"
"Ethan's got our blood in him! He's basically one of ours!"
"I would bear this man's children if given the chance."
Second place, surprisingly, wasn't Captain America — it was Wanda.
#2 — THE SCARLET WITCH (9.8/10)
"Why isn't this a perfect score?! Look at that face! Look at that POWER!"
"The second she showed up, I couldn't look away. I'd genuinely love to know what's going on in her head."
"Buddy, you just wanna stare at her chest. Don't dress it up as wanting to 'know her mind,' pervert."
"Only docking a point because she's not my girlfriend."
"She should just go pro already!"
"Free Scarlet Witch photoshoot, no charge — just follow, hit subscribe, and call me 'godfather.' DM me!"
Third place went to our very own Iron Man — though the reason why is... something else.
#3 — IRON MAN (9.9/10)
"Anyone who gave Iron Man a five-star review, screenshot it and send it to Stark Industries' official site — hundred bucks per positive review, guaranteed."
"Say no more. This is just our godfather Stark flexing that cash power."
"He's the only one who actually GETS us regular folks."
"Damn this stupid site, why's the max score only 10? Our godfather deserves infinity!"
"I have wandered half my life without finding a worthy lord to serve. If you would have me, sir, I would gladly call you father."
Fourth place, finally, went to Captain America.
#4 — CAPTAIN AMERICA (8.3/10)
"A legend needs no introduction!"
"Grew up on stories about you. Never thought I'd actually see you in action."
"He gave it everything he had — the enemy was just cheating, honestly. Not his fault."
"Great when it's an internal fight, not so much against real outsiders — couldn't have said it better."
"That ass wasn't built in a day, that's for sure."
"Man, they really should've called him Captain Korea."
"You're the World's Captain."
...
"Why the HELL am I ranked past twentieth?!" Reed stared at the scoreboard, fuming.
He genuinely could not understand it. HE was the one who'd opened this whole fight up in the first place! He was the founder of the Illuminati, for god's sake — how was he THIS far down the list?
Fine, Ethan takes first — he could accept that.
But why wasn't HE second?! Second, he could've grudgingly lived with!
And these COMMENTS. What even was this garbage?
Reed scrolled through, expression darkening with every line.
#25 — MISTER FANTASTIC (7.7/10)
"Practice makes perfect, buddy — clearly you need more of it."
"How'd this guy even become head of the Illuminati? Sit on it his way to the top?"
"Soft and stretchy — definitely a man who can't get it up."
"His only real function is opening the fight, then playing dead for the rest of it."
"To be fair, he DID save quite a few people."
"Personally I'm into the soft, bendy type."
"Step aside already — Black Panther OR the King of Atlantis would smoke you easy."
Beside him, Invisible Woman and her brother Johnny didn't dare say a word — both of them had ranked higher than Reed.
"Hey, there's nice comments in there too. It's fine, Reed — you're still way ahead of most people. Twenty-fifth's not bad at all!" Susan tried to comfort him.
Reed forced a smile through the sting of it. "It's fine. Really. Doesn't bother me one bit."
The forced smile lasted about one more second — right up until Johnny, ever the tactful one, blew it apart.
"I mean, there's only twenty-six people on this whole list. The rest of the superheroes didn't even make the cut," Johnny said, blunt as ever.
If looks could kill, Susan would have murdered her brother about ten thousand times over in that instant.
"It's fine. I'm totally fine. Just remembered I've got something I need to go do." Reed forced the words out through gritted teeth and bolted from the room.
Twenty-fifth would've been survivable on its own — but seeing who took twenty-sixth was what finally broke Johnny's composure entirely. Why did he only manage to beat out THIS guy? Couldn't he have beaten literally anyone else instead?!
Left alone, looking utterly innocent, Johnny stared at the name sitting at the very bottom of the list.
#26 — DEADPOOL (2/10)
"Didn't even fight in this thing, but I still had to vote. This absolute bastard slept with my girlfriend!"
"Same. Also he dined and ditched on me!"
"Two stars only because the site's minimum score is 2, not 0!"
"He is SO trashy."
"Whatever direction this man walks, run the opposite way."
"I'm deaf. I still found him unbearably annoying the one time I met him."
"Honestly kinda charming? As long as he's nowhere near me. If I ever actually met him I might just end it all."
"If we didn't need every warm body against a real supervillain, this guy would NEVER have made this list."
"The only name on this whole list who somehow contributed nothing to the actual war."
Alongside the rankings, Hell's Kitchen LLC had already moved to trademark every last one of Hell's Kitchen's superheroes.
Plans were already underway for a first collaborative film with Stark Industries — Iron Man — starring, naturally, Tony Stark himself, with Ethan attached as screenwriter.
Meanwhile, Hell's Kitchen LLC was also gearing up to launch a full line of superhero merchandise and blind-box collectibles, which everyone fully expected to be an enormous hit.
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