I regained consciousness before Jelani did, and I slowly raised myself to a sitting position, looking down at the mess of corpses in front of me. Strewn all about, the limp bodies were stale and dry. Jelani hardly looked any better.
I had a fleeting moment of panic and scrambled to his side, pressing a hand against his neck and feeling for his heartbeat.
I sighed with relief. Thank goodness. He's going to make it.
These rogues must have had the powers of death. I looked down at my hands and the black marks around where the animals had bitten me. I was lucky to be alive.
I shuddered as I recalled the sight of dozens of salivating, half-dead animals crawling around the building I'd been hiding behind. I hadn't been able to do anything.
In that moment, the heavy weight of reality had come crashing down on me: I wouldn't make it out alive. Even as I'd run, mindlessly swinging my rifle, I'd known that it was hopeless.
Ever since my mom was taken, I've done everything alone. I've never asked for anyone's help, because people can't be trusted, and because it would make me weak. I told myself that I would make it through everything no matter what, and that I would find Mom and bring back the happiness we had before.
But it's been so long. It's taken so long.
I've finally started to wonder if I can really do it; if a kid like me can really make something happen on her own. With every passing day, I feel like I'm gradually coming to my breaking point.
But when those rogues appeared in front of me, and, for the first time in my life, I could see no way out, there was only one thought in my mind. It repeated itself, getting louder and louder each time.
Help. I need help.
Jelani stirred, and I leapt back in surprise, realizing that I'd never taken my hand off his neck. I hastily scooted away.
What am I doing? I wondered at my own heavy breathing. I was just making sure he was alive.
"How are you doing, Eve, Jelani?"
I turned to see Blake, Nikki, and Corvus approaching. Blake and Nikki each had one of Corvus's arms over their shoulders, supporting him as he tiredly dragged his feet across the ground.
"Oh my. What a close call." Blake assessed the situation with his usual calmness.
"I guess the area wasn't empty after all. That was quite a scare, but at least we won't be walking away empty handed," he said to no one in particular.
Then, he addressed Jelani and me and said, "Let's get out of here."
We walked slowly, making sure Corvus's tattered body wouldn't break down. He was incredible. Even now, I couldn't believe that he was still going. The animals hadn't just bitten through his skin–they'd torn everything off.
Of course, his most serious wounds were probably from the bullets that skeleton had put into his chest. I couldn't imagine other than him surviving that.
I cautiously peeked at the person walking in front of me, Jelani. I could never have seen it coming, but the truth was that I owed my life to him.
I'm such an idiot, I thought, gritting my teeth. I can't believe I yelled at him like that.
I'd been so embarrassed about it that I'd refrained from even looking at him. Why'd he have to do something so cool? Now I just feel even worse about it.
I knew that I had no right to be angry at him for hesitating during our practice the day before, but I was. In his shoes, almost anyone would have done the same, but I really was upset. Surely he could tell how hard it was for me to hurt him.
It was terrible, but the one thing that would have made me feel better was him paying me back. I hate to admit it–in fact, for seven years, I've desperately avoided recognizing it–but I'm lonely.
Ever since losing Mom, I haven't been close with a single person. I've been convincing myself that it was fine, that all I needed to do was find her and everything would be ok, but I haven't. I haven't found her, and now that I'm starting to see the reality of it all, I'm not sure if I ever will.
But I can accept the truth now: I at least need a friend; otherwise, I'm going to go insane. I managed fine on my own for a while, but I now know that I'm not the kind of person who can spend their entire life alone–if that kind of person even exists.
When Jelani, someone who was around my age, joined our squad, I'd hoped that maybe we could become friends. And somehow, despite the cold personality I always have around other people, we actually did get along pretty well. I even felt comfortable enough to tell him something about myself, which I've never really done around the other three.
It might be my fault for not being able to share things with people that I've lived with for three years, but we're all so different that I've never seen myself sharing a real bond with any of them.
Anyway, I wish I hadn't yelled at Jelani, but he doesn't seem like he would get mad about something like that, so I should be able to make it up to him. Of course, the whole saving my life thing is a different story–it could take a while to settle that score.
Yeah, I thought determinedly. I'll make it up to him. I'm done pretending. I just need someone to talk to.
To my dismay, a tear trickled down my cheek. I frantically wiped it away, glancing to see if anyone had noticed. They hadn't.
Phew.
That would have been the end of me.