Jay pov.
My arm somehow didn't hurt at all.. I've been through wayyy worse. I left ci n's party and went straight to the headquarters to discuss and question that damn idiot who shot me.
He even had the nerve to smirk and ask me how my arm was. Stupid. He's rotting in jail now. And I also found out it was Sato. Yuri's enemy. Why they coming at me for? Ive got no connection with that red head. I went home at like 1 o clock and slept.
Percy somehow convinced me to go to a restaurant for dinner the next day. Jare was really busy. He was always busy these days. Honestly? Between the 3 of us, he's the one who's completely focused on getting back the Mariano enterprise.
Percy dragged me along to this steak place. Apparently, he had missed it since he was in London with Jare, and even when Jare came back he couldn't. So now, here we were. That guy was literally VIBRATING.
Bro, even I don't get this exited for food
Okay... That's a lie. It runs in the family, I guess.
Just then, I spotted two familiar faces. Shucks. I almost immediately asked Percy to leave, but that dude was way too invested in his food. So I just kept my head down and hoped Kiefer and honey wouldn't notice me. Yeah... No such luck.
Good luck is a sham. True love is a lie.
Wow. I sound like one of those lonely, grumpy, cynical witches in a romance novel...
Tch. Whatever. I rolled my eyes as they approached us.
Kiefer pov.
Honey had dragged me over to this restaurant. I only tagged along because I was too exhausted to keep arguing with her. So now, she was rambling on about some steak- when I noticed a familiar car. Jay Jay. She's here.
I pointed it out to Honey, and immediately she said something about 'showing Jay what she's missing' (her words, not mine) and looped her hands through mine. Welp, not again.
(After Percy leaves to the restroom and Honey follows him to 'keep him busy')
"Jay, I don't know where to start."
"From the starting line." She replied.
I took a deep breath, composing myself.
"Okay, I'll start from the beginning-"
"Actually, start from the ending. It's more fun that way." She said, cutting me off.
"Jay, I'm not playing games here."
She must have sensed the shift in my tone, because now she lost her playfulness too. She smiled brokenly.
" You're not playing games? Wow. That's a first. Because that's what you've been doing with my feelings all this while, haven't you?"
"Jay Jay, no-"
"It's ok. I'll move on from you soon."
I panicked. "No, you can't. I won't let you."
No Jay. Please no. Please don't move on.
The truth was, even imagining a future without her, a future in which she wasn't mine, a future in which she was with someone else.... It seemed impossible.
I can't live without her. I will wither away. I will actually fade away. Without her by my side, living feels useless.
"Just stop this. Please. I can't do this anymore. I loved you. I really did. But what will I do? You don't feel the same for me." Tears were pouring out of her eyes now. It seemed like she couldn't stop it. "There's no reason for me to stay anymore. It's enough I made a fool of myself believimg you once, I don't want to go through that again.
No... I don't love you? That's impossible. I love you more than I love myself. I love you more than life itself, Jay Jay. You're my everything.
I let her speak. I could feel she wanted to say more things to me. She was always acting strong, unbothered, just so she thinks I shouldn't know how much I affect her. She wants to think I didn't win. I knew that. I knew her.
But she would be right. I didn't win. I lost. I lost the only thing that matters in my life. The only person I ever loved this much. And now that she was finally talking, I don't want her to stop, even if it was not what I wanted to hear from her.
"Whenever you are near me, it feels like my heart is being crushed all over again. It's pure torture for. You want to know something? I was broken long before I even knew you."
I frowned. What did you go through? What wound of yours did I cut open Jay?
"But when I finally felt safe enough to trust someone, to trust you... Well I guess that's my fault isn't it? Stupid me. I thought.. I hoped, that for once in my life, someone cared. I hate it. I hate everything around me, b- because then I start to remember everything. All the happy memories we shared- and it turns out they were all just lies. It hurts. It really hurts so much."
I'm really sorry Jay... I'm so damn sorry. I will tell you a million sorrys, and it still wouldn't be enough to make up for the pain I'm causing you. But what can I do? This is what your kuya wants me to do...
This is what I have to do. To keep you alive. To keep you safe. I hate this. I hate myself even more for making you hurt.
"Why? Do you even realise what you're doing? You're pushing me away, but you're not even letting me go. I WILL get over you soon. And I can't wait."
I got scared. I can't lose her. No. "You cannot."
"I will"
"No."
"Stop. Just let me."
"I won't."
"Why? Why. Just stop this already."
"Jay Jay I can't!"
"WHY WON'T YOU LET ME?"
"BECAUSE I CAN'T LOSE YOU!" I screamed, the words franctically tumbling out of my mouth. She froze.
I didn't give her time to process anything. I stood up from across her and sat right next to her. "You- you're making me go crazy. You're the only one Jay. The only one who has ever made me feel like this. I love you. I really do."
"You- you're the one who's making this harder for me." She said.
I took her hands and pressed it against my cheek. "I know... I know and I'm sorry. I'm scared Jay... I'm scared of many things."
I'm scared of losing you. My own tears fell onto her hands on my face.
"I'm scared to even touch you- even though I'm dying to. I'm scared I'll hurt you like I did with Freya. I'm scared I'll lose control to my jealousy, like I did to you before." More tears slipped out from both of us. ".. I won't let that happen again. Not with you, never with you."
"You want me to stop? I will. But only temporarily." I said
"I don't fvcking understand! Will you atleast tell everything clearly? What are you even thinking?" She yelled, clearly frustrated.
"I'm giving you space, but only for a while. I'm leaving Jay. I'm leaving to London."
Her eyes widened. "And when I return, you're mine- whether you like it or not."
"What the-" she started to protest. But I didn't let her. I kissed her.
I kissed her like I was drowning and she was the only anchor. Because she was. I was fighting this war for her.
This kiss is my promise, Jay. I promise that I'll come back to you. I promise to fight for you. I love you Jay. More than I can ever say.
Just as I pulled back reluctantly, Percy ran out and dragged her away looking terrified of honey. He was screaming something about stealing his purity.
I let her go, just like I said I would.
I don't know how much I can live without seeing you. I really hope I can stay long enough to become enough for you.
I'll prove it Jay. I'll prove to Angelo that I'm strong enough to protect you. I will win this battle, no matter what it takes. For you. Always for you.