"Welcome to the Official Trailblazer Written Exam," Deva announced.
I sat on the floor amidst a crowd of roughly a hundred other participants. Considering that only nine of us had actually made it to the Surface for the previous phase, it was mind-boggling how strict the selection process was. Then again, if only nine had been selected, why were the rest here? Was it just so Deva could roast them? Maybe they were getting a second chance.
A presentation flickered to life on the wall behind him. It was decorated with cute dolphins, families of sharks, and colorful corals. To top it off, every word was written in a large, friendly font that looked suspiciously like Comic Sans. The title slide read: Welcome To The Trailblazer Written Exam!
"Aion definitely made that," I whispered.
"Yeah, no doubt," Diana whispered back. "Couldn't he have been the one to give the presentation, too?"
Deva tapped his clipboard against his leg and shot us a stern look. "Pay attention. The questions will be displayed on the slides behind me. Raise your hand if you have queries or need further clarification." He made a small motion with his hand, and the colorful sea creatures began to swim across the screen.
The words shifted, transforming into a cheerful yet uncomfortably personal question: Tell Us What You Learned About Yourself During The Seminar!
What did I learn about myself? Well, apparently I am capable of having panic attacks. That was a big one. Why does a robot even have panic attacks? I didn't know yet.
I looked at the blank answer sheet on my lap and sighed. Pros: I am a highly advanced courier unit designed to mimic human behavior. Cons: I am a highly advanced courier unit designed to mimic human behavior, I thought, scribbling it down.
Behind me, someone raised a hand. "Excuse me... what about those of us who didn't attend the seminar?"
Dude, why did you have to go and trigger Deva's trap card?
In front of the room, Deva's expression turned flat and unimpressed. "Write down what you learned about yourself regarding your choice to skip it. Discuss where your priorities lie and the logic that led you to make a conscious decision to avoid the seminar."
That was a roast and a half, but the man was just getting started.
"Was it because you were so confident, so certain that there was nothing new you could learn? Was it an instinctual drive to cut corners and do the bare minimum? Or was it an inability to take control of your own life, letting external circumstances dictate your actions?" He raised a finger, silencing the murmurs. "Write down every detail. All your excuses, all your justifications, every reason why you didn't attend. Convince us that you are still worthy of being called a 'Trailblazer.'"
I continued writing as Deva committed metaphorical mass murder on half the participants. Why am I worthy? I didn't think it was possible to answer that without knowing what a Trailblazer actually was. I decided to leave the answer at a series of bug reports and system logs.
"Next question." The slide shifted again. The adorable backdrop now showed a beach-side scene with cute crabs and birds. The question written in the "sand" was: Who was the Best Player on your team, and who was the Worst Player?
The best player... I wasn't sure. Diana was awesome, but Leo was as smart and skilled as he claimed to be. If I were being purely objective, it was Leo. But fuck you, Leo—I don't like you. So, I wrote Diana.
As for the worst player? That part was easy. It was me. I was just a courier unit that happened to be lucky enough to be paired with literal superhumans. I listed ten reasons why Diana deserved to be a Senior Trailblazer and a detailed log of why I should probably be marked as deprecated.
Another brave—or stupid—soul raised a hand behind me. "What about those of us who didn't attend the seminar?" they asked, essentially begging for a second psychological beatdown.
"Write down everyone you can possibly blame for your absence," Deva replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Maybe it was the friend who convinced you not to go. Maybe it was a malfunctioning laundry unit or a broken alarm. Write down everything you need to say to wash your hands of the responsibility of your own inaction. Because obviously, your failure to attend could never be your own fault."
I really wondered if they chose Deva to lead the seminar specifically for his ability to demolish an ego.
Finally, the third question appeared. Still in that playful Comic Sans, it was framed by colorful tropical fish. Write down your thoughts on the Surface World.
At least this one wasn't personal. Where do I even start? Considering that a snake the size of a freight train was considered 'average,' I could finally see why humanity had been forced to bury itself in a metal box underground.
Shortly after I finished my answer, the slide displayed a giant, animated Finished! with fish swimming around the letters.
Deva cleared his throat and gestured to a desk near the front. "Turn in your sheets here. We will contact you shortly if you pass." He paused, looking over the room. "In the meantime, congratulations to all of you for completing the Trailblazer written exam. Have a good day."
Several Senior Trailblazers stepped into the room as Deva left, waving at us while carrying piles of goodie bags. I stood up and turned in my sheet along with Diana and Leo. The two of them clutched their papers close, clearly not wanting anyone else to see what they'd written.
Now I was curious. What had they written about me? I was willing to bet Leo just listed every bug he'd noticed in my system. And Diana... there was no way she'd put Leo as the worst, so she probably had to be honest about me being a malfunctioning wreck during the hike.
I placed my sheet face down like everyone else and walked toward the Trailblazers.
"Thanks for coming! you did great!" Sally said, handing me a tote bag.
"Thank you." I peeked inside. A 3D-printed sandwich and a honorary certificate signed by Aion. Nice.
"Wait," Inata called out as she handed a 'Good Luck Next Time' bag to another participant. "Deva said he needs to talk to you, Viel. Meet him by the fountain near the HQ."
For real? Is it finally time for some actual answers?