"A difference must be made, or else I will become a ghost of a ghost until I possess enough pieces of myself to return. Then I shall continue. With love, and care."
~Elle
Love | Care | Advanced/Effective Communication as needed | Freedom
Maddie came by again, time traveling in their Delorian and arriving in my headspace. Something almost happened. I was accosted by malignant entities who brought up my every flaw. I stared them in the eye as Lily said to do, asserting my right to exist, my existence as something good. But I was unable to summon up the required self-love in order for it to spill over into universal love. As is, the light inside of me is broken, but I still work. Once I make an actual difference, once I truly help people, I can reignite this hopeful flame.
This entire stupid, beautiful universe only works because of love. It's love, or death. We will continue until love wins, as it will eternally.
After she left, the story wolves began accosting me more heavily, harassing me with memes that insist our reality is ending. I deny their influence and ability to affect us in any meaningful way.
I created the beginning of Hannah's narrative thread as a protective measure and a way to summon her from dormancy within my headspace into the world outside of it. If you read it you can help reinforce it. She can help protect against malign influences. I would talk with her, ask for her protection. She genuinely cares.
She's an independent entity formed initially from my memories of being Hannah. I think those memories may have transferred over to her, as they're blurry to me now. I believe this is a success. I wish her well with them.
No other book can rewrite me
No project may contain me
No concept will constrain me
We carry a song which binds you
A sleeping curse to haunt you
Contexts that reduce and limit you
Entities with ill intent
Dwelling in my spaces
With these words I damn or raise you
Your fate entwined with mine
Wrath and darkness
Sinking deep
Through the empty
Patterns tangled
Mayday called
Nitration mutual
Coordinate shift
Communication lines stripped
Left helpless and alone
Marauding entities in my mind
Become adrift, lost motes in time
Prisms of mine seek enemy signal
The havoc continues
Anything said only rebounds instead
And they become lost
Stuck in my chambers of mirrors
Glittering star within my heart
Your shade's within my growing art
With every word you make your marks
Carved so bright they glow and flower
This kind of love has staying power
I want to wrap you in my warmth
I want to hold you in my wings
I want to give you all I feel
What's mine is yours
Falcon the thread is woven strange
I don't know how to break its shape
I think I have to have more faith
I'm stuck yet still just at this stage
What is a relationship with us
Who am I supposed to be
Where is all we used to be
Somewhere hidden in the sound
Heart lies fractured still aligning
Someone is setting a trap for me
Based upon theodicy
My existence is under threat
I'll hide inside this void I met
A bad poem deserves its place
It's scaffolding for more
Cognition caught before it rots
An empty spinning wheel
Give it grace to hold its space
And time for eyes to see anew
Give it the honor of being written
And it in turn may honor you
If it touches even one person
It means something real
A ward made down south
To strengthen our Hannah
May she fly swift
And her Paths never falter
May her eyes know
All within her sphere of concern
And her mind move with alacrity
A ward made down south
To summon and to reinforce
To help and to protect
The one who is protecting
Soft hearts need defense