Chapter 90: Poker? Booze? An Afternoon in the Infirmary Passes!
....
"Teach... er... it hurts! It hurts so much!!"
Seito groaned melodramatically, his body smeared with what looked like a gruesome amount of blood—but was, in fact, a generous coating of cafeteria ketchup.
Beside him, Ryuuen and Hidenori were also sprawled out, genuinely huffing in pain from the very real stomping they had just endured.
The surrounding students were shell-shocked. Three of them? Ryuuen, why are you down there too?
Before anyone could ask questions, Shizuka Hiratsuka rubbed her temples, nursing an impending migraine. "Can we get some volunteers to carry these three to the infirmary?"
Two boys from each class stepped forward. Seito was hoisted up by the legendary "Kirito" (Kazuto Kirigaya) and the cynical "Hachiman" (Hachiman Hikigaya).
Behind the school building, on the walkway.
Once they were safely out of sight of the classrooms, Seito hopped down from the makeshift stretcher, much to the bewilderment of his pallbearers. He stretched his limbs and let out a long, satisfied yawn.
"Ahh~ that hits the spot." He cracked his neck and looked at the stunned duo. "Alright, lose the long faces. Let's head to the nurse's office."
"Wait..." Kazuto stammered, pointing at Seito's gore-stained shirt. "You're covered in blood. How are you acting like nothing happened?"
Hachiman, however, just rolled his "dead fish" eyes, having already guessed the truth.
"You mean this?" Seito pulled a crumpled packet of ketchup from his pocket. "The flavor's actually not bad. Want some?"
Kazuto: "..."
Seeing the condiment packet, Kazuto realized he'd been played. If Seito was faking, then the only people who actually got beaten to a pulp were... Ryuuen and Hidenori. A look of dawning realization crossed his face.
"Bingo," Seito confirmed his suspicion.
"They took the hits; I took the credit for the 'injury.'"
Seeing that Seito was perfectly fine, Kazuto relaxed into his usual calm demeanor. "I'm heading back to class."
"Me too," Hachiman added.
"Not so fast, not so fast!" Seito grabbed both of them by the shoulders.
"What now?" they asked in unison.
Seito flashed a predatory, cat-like grin.
"Gentlemen, how would you like to jump ship and join a real guild? I'm talking guaranteed officer positions. Heck, for talents like you, the 'Executive' rank isn't out of the question."
He looked at the two of them—one a top-tier "Pro Gamer" and the other a master of reading people. Unlike the late Tomoya Aki, these two were actual assets. Plus, Seito thought, watching 'Kirito' and '8-man' turn into chaotic trolls would be peak entertainment.
Kazuto shivered. He had a sneaking suspicion Seito was plotting something nefarious involving his reputation.
"Think about it," Seito continued. "Any loot or materials you find stay with you. The guild won't demand a tax on your hard-earned drops."
"I'll... consider it," Kazuto said seriously. He had been planning to be a solo player, but after Kaguya's guild "lost" a piece of his Orange-tier material recently, he was feeling the sting. A large guild like the Fatui wouldn't care about "trash" materials, and the protection was top-notch.
Hachiman remained indifferent. To him, one guild was as good as another, but if Kazuto was in, he might as well tag along.
"I'm in," Kazuto finally decided.
"Then I guess I'm in too," Hachiman muttered.
"Perfect! Send your applications tonight. I'm off to the 'hospital' now." Seito waved and sauntered toward the infirmary while the two "new recruits" headed back to the classroom.
Ten minutes later.
In the infirmary, Seito was lounging comfortably on a bed. He looked over at Hidenori and Ryuuen, who were giving him synchronized "dead fish" glares from their respective cots.
"Why the long faces? We get the whole afternoon off. This is a win!" Seito pulled out his phone and started scrolling through short videos.
The other two twitched but said nothing. They still believed Seito had been stomped just as hard as they were. Ten minutes later, Seito sat up.
"This is boring."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a deck of cards. Then, leaning over the side of the bed, he produced several bottles of high-end sake from seemingly thin air (the Kamui dimension).
"Come on. Let's play some cards."
Hidenori: "..."
Ryuuen: "..."
Where did the booze come from?!
Regardless of the logic, the temptation was too great. The three "patients" sat in a circle and began an afternoon of gambling and drinking.
RIIIIING—!
The final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. Yukino, Amou, Maple, Risa, and Kanade all met up outside the classroom and headed straight for the infirmary.
On the way, Yukino was still trying to process what Risa had told her. "So... you're saying Seito has been faking it the entire afternoon?"
"Yep," Maple nodded. "We saw Seito-kun swap shirts with Ryuuen and smear himself with ketchup right before the teachers arrived."
Yukino didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She had spent the whole afternoon genuinely worried about him.
As the girls reached the infirmary door, they stopped dead. Three raucous, drunken voices were echoing from inside.
"I can't... I can't drink anymore! Seriously!"
"Shut up! You're 'nursing' that cup like a goldfish! Drink!"
"Exactly! You're supposed to be the 'Dictator' of Class B—can't you even handle a little sake?!"
...
Thank you for reading.