SF Chapter 106: New York Again II
Earlier that same day, Chandler was at the coffeehouse where he worked, having lunch.
One of his coworkers walked in and looked at him. "Hey, gorgeous. How's it going?"
"Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights. Does it get better than this?" he replied with his usual sarcasm.
The woman ignored the comment and gestured toward him.
"Question: You're not dating anyone, are you?" she asked, somewhat rhetorically. "I met somebody who would be perfect for you."
"You see, perfect might be a problem," Chandler said, finally looking at her. "Had you said co-dependent or self-destructive..."
"Do you want a date Friday night?"
"Yes, please," he made a puppy face.
She continued pitching her idea. "He is cute."
She went on, "He's funny. He's-"
"He's a he?" Chandler interrupted, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, yeah," she agreed, then quickly realized her mistake. "Oh, God. I just thought... you're nice... Oh, God," she muttered, embarrassed.
"Good, Shelly. Okay. I'm gonna go flush myself down the toilet now," Shelly said awkwardly as she started walking away.
"Okay. Bye-bye."
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A few hours later, everyone was gathered at Monica's apartment for dinner. Dani had just gotten back from the tour with Lexi.
Joey's performance would be later that night.
"It's hard to enjoy noodles after that. Isn't that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?" Chandler said, telling the story from earlier about being mistaken for being gay.
The six of them looked at each other until Rachel was the first to speak. "Um... yeah." "Well, when I first met you, I thought maybe..." she hesitated awkwardly, "...possibly... you might be."
"You did?" Chandler asked, surprised.
"I also totally did," Dani commented without hesitation. "I thought you were gay."
"But then I saw you staring pretty intensely at Ana's boobs in that Survivor episode we were watching. Either you're not gay, or you were jealous and wanted implants."
The group chuckled while Chandler said a little dryly, "Thanks, man." Then he asked the others, "Did any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?"
"I did," Monica confessed.
Phoebe also nodded. "I think so too."
But Joey tried to help. "Not me."
[Joey commentary]
"I thought Chandler was gay when I first met him, when I came to see the apartment," Joey revealed.
"I even told him, 'Oh, don't worry, I'm totally okay with the gay thing.'"
[Commentary ends]
"No, no, me neither," Ross added. "But then again... I didn't think my ex-wife was either."
"So, uh, what is it about me?" Chandler asked, trying to understand, since the two who denied it didn't sound very convincing.
"I don't know," Phoebe said, thinking out loud. "Because you're smart, you're funny..."
She paused, then gestured with her hands. "Oh! Oh! For a brief moment, I thought Dani was too, when I first met him."
Dani gasped. "Hey! Me?"
"Just because I go to the spa once or twice a week, use kiwi cream, get manicures, like to dress well-"
Rachel, who was sitting next to him, continued, "You're also theatrical, loud, and very open with your emotions."
"You have more cream in your toiletry bag than I do-"
Daniel cut her off. "I would totally sleep with you, Rach," he smirked at the blonde.
"I'm sure you would," Rachel rolled her eyes, but chuckled.
Monica just gave the two of them a brief glance.
"Oh, we need to leave soon," Joey said, widening his eyes as he remembered he had to get there early.
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Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe sat in the third row, while Monica, Dani, and Rachel sat behind them.
The theater was quite small, with space for only a few dozen people.
Rachel tapped Dani on the arm. "Oh, look, look! There's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!"
"Yeah, pretty cool," he agreed.
Chandler glanced at the two of them and commented to Phoebe, "You can spot someone who's never seen Joey's plays."
"Notice, no fear. No sense of impending doom," he added.
Phoebe nodded, "Yes. The exclamation point scares me. It's not just Freud, it's Freud!"
"Shh. Magic is about to happen," Ross admonished them as the performance began.
On stage, Joey - fully dressed in an old-fashioned outfit - began proclaiming in front of a girl lying on a chair. "Well, Eva... we've done some excellent work here.
And I would have to say... your problem is quite clear."
It didn't take long for Rachel and Dani's expressions to change. The play was painfully hard to watch.
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An hour later - which felt like several hours to some - the play was finally nearing its end.
The five friends looked exhausted. Only Dani was asleep without a care, using his cousin as a headrest.
He was woken up by a shake on his shoulder, realized it was over, he shamelessly stood up and applauded enthusiastically, receiving glares from Monica and Rachel.
After the actors left the stage and went backstage, the rest of them groaned.
"I feel violated," Rachel signed.
Monica also complained, "Did anybody else feel like peeling their skin off... just to have something else to do?"
"I think it was great!" Dani said, going in the complete opposite direction. "But Monica, you're too short. My neck is hurting."
Meanwhile, Chandler nudged his friend. "Ross, ten o'clock."
"Is it? It feels like two," Ross muttered.
Dani, who had heard what Chandler said, grabbed Ross's head and turned it. "He means that!"
"Oh! Hello there!"
"She's amazing!" Chandler remarked. "She makes the women I dream about look like short, fat, bald men."
"She is beautiful," Dani agreed. "Come on, Chandler, go after her. She's not with anyone."
"Are you out of your mind?" he scoffed. "Could she be more out of my league?"
"No way!" Dani completely ignored his opinion. "Chandler, this is what you're gonna do: step one - walk over there and say hi."
"Step two: look at her eyes. If she doesn't look away within three seconds, ask her out."
Chandler kept looking at him, then muttered, "I can't believe I'm doing this," and decided to walk over to the woman.
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Hours later, Dani was telling Lexi what happened. They were both naked in his hotel bed.
"The play was a little rough, but Joey got a contact with a talent agency," he said, spooning her.
"And Chandler got a date with Aurora, that beautiful woman," he added, grinning.
Lexi turned over and ran her hand across his face. "They seem like a nice group of friends," she smiled.
"They are!" Dani kissed her hand, then leaned in and kissed her. "But I like our friendship better," he smirked, already moving on top of her.
"Of course you do..." Lexi rolled her eyes, but she was already shifting into a better position for what they were about to do again.
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