Sakuragi, Miyagi, and Mitsui trembled in fear.
Rukawa Kaede, expressionless as always, quietly mounted his bicycle, preparing to make a discreet escape.
"Rukawa! You're coming too!"
Akagi's thunderous roar exploded behind him.
Startled, Rukawa's foot slipped off the pedal, and he nearly rode straight into the roadside ditch.
Makino Juro stretched lazily before patting Akagi on the shoulder.
"Captain, you'd better stock up on blood pressure medicine."
Akagi's eyes lit up as though he had found his saviour.
"Juro! You're coming too!"
"Huh? I got full marks. Why would I go?"
"You're teaching them."
Akagi left no room for negotiation.
"You're ranked first in the entire school."
"You should know how to communicate with idiots."
"That's settled."
Juro looked at Akagi's expression—the kind that said, If you refuse, I'll kneel right here.
Then he glanced at Sakuragi, who was standing nearby with that unmistakable "empty but confident" look in his eyes.
For the first time, Makino Juro felt that winning the National Championship might actually be harder than Journey to the West.
...
That evening, at the Akagi residence.
The living room blazed with light.
The low table was piled high with exam-preparation books titled Guaranteed Killer Practice Problems.
Sakuragi had tied a "Certain Victory" headband around his forehead.
He stared at a maths question with the ferocity of someone trying to dismantle a nuclear bomb.
"If I have five apples..."
"...and Rukawa steals three..."
"Then I'll beat him up, take my apples back, and steal his bananas too!"
"So the answer is..."
"...five apples and one banana!"
Smack!
Akagi brought his folding fan down on Sakuragi's head.
"Idiot!"
"It's subtraction!"
"Who told you to answer it like a reading comprehension question?!"
"And why is it Rukawa again?!"
Nearby, Rukawa had already fallen asleep with his head resting on the table.
Drool slowly soaked into his English textbook.
Makino Juro spun a pen between his fingers, wearing the expression of a man who had lost all hope in life.
He poked Rukawa with the pen.
"Rukawa."
"Wake up."
"Basketball."
Rukawa sleepily opened one eye.
"Basketball."
"What does it mean?"
"...Basketball."
"Fine."
"Next word."
"School."
Rukawa remained silent for three seconds before answering with complete conviction.
"Sleeping."
Juro took a deep breath.
Then turned to Akagi.
"Captain..."
"I think it'd be faster if we just buried them."
On the other side of the room...
Miyagi was staring dreamily at Ayako instead of studying.
Mitsui, meanwhile, had completely lost his mind while looking at a history question.
"Why didn't Tokugawa Ieyasu just play basketball instead?!"
"If he could hoop, history would've turned out completely differently!"
Kogure smiled bitterly.
"I... don't think basketball had anything to do with that."
Watching the complete chaos unfold before him, Akagi slowly closed his eyes in despair.
Dear heavens...
Is this my punishment?
Suddenly...
"Ah!"
"I get it now!"
Sakuragi shot to his feet, holding up his physics textbook excitedly.
Pointing at the formula for frictional force, he shouted,
"So that's what friction means!"
"It's the force you use to box out for rebounds!"
"The farther you stick your butt out, the greater the friction!"
"Then Rukawa can't push me away!"
"Hahahaha!"
"So physics is just the science of boxing out!"
Juro covered his face.
The explanation was completely wrong.
Yet somehow...
The logic had formed a perfectly closed loop.
Newton's coffin lid was probably rattling by now.
"...Forget it."
Juro sighed.
He picked up a sheet of paper and sketched a basketball court.
His expression gradually turned serious.
"If that's how you understand it..."
"...then let's learn it through basketball."
"Sakuragi."
"Listen carefully."
"A parabola is the arc of a jump shot."
"Probability is your shooting percentage."
"Geometry is the triangle offense."
"If you can't solve this problem..."
"...it means your shot got blocked."
"Your pass got stolen."
"And your rebound got taken."
He looked straight into Sakuragi's eyes.
"Do you want to lose to Rukawa?"
Click.
Something inside Sakuragi snapped into place.
The confusion in his eyes instantly transformed into blazing determination.
"Lose to that stupid fox?!"
"Never!!"
He grabbed his pencil with murderous intent.
Glowering at the geometry problem, he growled,
"Let's see how this genius blocks you!"
"Come at me, trigonometry!"
Beside him, Rukawa's ears twitched.
His sleepy eyes suddenly flew open as he stared intently at his English textbook.
"...I won't lose."
An intimidating aura, the same kind seen on the basketball court, erupted from both of them.
Akagi was dumbfounded.
The lifeless study session had transformed into a battlefield filled with gunpowder.
These guys...
As long as it involved basketball and winning...
Even a boring textbook could ignite their fighting spirit.
They might be idiots...
But they were also the most competitive idiots in all of Japan.
"Good!"
Akagi bellowed.
"Keep that spirit!"
"Nobody goes to sleep until every last problem has been defeated!"
"OOOOOOHHHHHH!!"
The united roar of Shohoku echoed into the night sky.
...
The next morning.
Sunlight poured through the windows as though it were completely free.
Bodies littered the floor.
After an entire night of hellish cramming, Shohoku's squad of problem children had finally run out of power just before dawn.
Sakuragi Hanamichi occupied the centre of the room in a dramatic spread-eagle pose.
His signature red buzz cut gleamed under the morning sunlight like a polished egg.
Suddenly...
The egg moved.
A fearless mosquito landed directly on the tip of his nose.
Smack!
Sakuragi slapped himself square across the face.
System reboot complete.
He sat up groggily.
His unfocused eyes slowly surveyed the battlefield.
Rukawa was curled up in the corner of the sofa, sleeping like a hibernating cat.
A crystal-clear strand of drool hung from the corner of his mouth.
Miyagi and Mitsui had somehow ended up hugging each other in their sleep.
It was... a sight better left unseen.
And then there was Akagi Takenori.
Shohoku's immovable pillar.
He was leaning against the wall.
His arms tightly wrapped around a well-worn mathematics textbook that looked as though it had been polished smooth from years of use.
He was sleeping so soundly that the usually imposing face now looked completely defenceless.
Like a perfectly blank canvas waiting to be vandalised.
The corners of Sakuragi's mouth slowly curled upward.
It was the unmistakable smile of someone about to make a terrible life decision.
His gaze landed on a black marker lying uncapped on the coffee table.
The DNA responsible for causing trouble surged wildly through the genius's bloodstream.
"Hehehe..."
Sakuragi crept forward on tiptoe.
He picked up the marker.
Holding his breath like a bomb disposal expert, he slowly leaned over Akagi.
The marker touched skin.
Akagi frowned slightly.
But after enduring an entire night of tutoring these academic disasters...
He simply couldn't wake up.
Joy exploded inside Sakuragi.
His hand flew across Akagi's face.
Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
Within moments, Akagi's already thick eyebrows had been connected into one enormous straight eyebrow.
But that wasn't enough.
Sakuragi's inspiration erupted.
He drew a pair of curly little moustaches beneath Akagi's nose.
Then added three cat whiskers to each cheek.
Finally...
On Akagi's broad forehead—large enough to host a horse race—
He solemnly wrote three bold characters.
[Gorilla]
"Perfect."
"Absolutely perfect."
Sakuragi covered his mouth, struggling not to laugh.
His stomach cramped from holding it in.
His entire body shook like a freshly boiled shrimp.
Just then...
Akagi's eyelids twitched.
A terrifying pressure, like that of an ancient beast awakening from its slumber, slowly filled the room.
Sakuragi's expression changed instantly.
Oh crap.
He's waking up!
If I don't do something right now...
Everyone will be visiting my grave this time next year.
In that split second...
Sakuragi's eyes locked onto the sleeping Rukawa on the sofa.
The stupid fox was sleeping peacefully.
His long fingers rested loosely against the cushion.
Completely harmless.
"Sorry, Fox..."
"I choose you."
Moving with astonishing speed, Sakuragi gently slipped the incriminating black marker into Rukawa's hand.
It was as smooth as passing an Olympic torch.
Then he immediately threw himself onto the floor.
Closed his eyes.
Opened his mouth.
"Snoooore... Snoooore..."
Instantly immersed in character.
An Oscar-worthy performance.
Three seconds later....
Akagi Takenori's eyes snapped open.
His face felt strangely itchy.
He scratched it...
Only to find his hand covered in fresh black ink.
He stared blankly for a second.
Then slowly walked over to the full-length mirror near the entrance.
Several long moments passed.
Deathly silence.
The calm before the storm.
Then...
"ROOOOOOOOAAAAARRRRR!!!!"
A furious bellow powerful enough to shatter bulletproof glass shook the very foundations of the Akagi household.
In the kitchen, Haruko's hand trembled so violently that her fried egg nearly launched itself into orbit.
In the living room, Miyagi and Mitsui sprang to their feet as though electrocuted.
"An earthquake?!"
"How many on the Richter scale?!"
"Run!!"
Makino Juro was also jolted awake.
Rubbing his temples, he looked at the unfolding disaster and let out a helpless sigh.
Akagi stormed back into the living room with that utterly ridiculous face still intact.
Dark, tangible killing intent radiated from his body.
His huge eyes blazed with the fires of hell as they swept across everyone present.
"WHO..."
"...DID..."
"...THIS?!"
END OF CHAPTER
The King Of Slacking Off - MrBehringer's Secret
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