[Mission: confrontation]
Secretive Summoner finally confronted the conversation that occurred between the Moonlight Empress and him by rereading the last messages in Discord. He realized that his love was overwhelming and extremely emotionally draining the Empress.
"Was this why I was so depressed and sucidial? The only person who gave me everything normal and whatnot found me to be overwhelming and draining to be around? Isn't life just so cruel? Can I be teleported into 'Three ways of Survival' already? I want to be that Korean Sunfish and just defeat everyone and everything that annoyed me."
I always wrote and thought about the Moonlight Empress. Perhaps now it's time I started looking at her for what she really is. A soft rose pink soul with silver threads. Meanwhile I was a deep blue soul with golden threads.
There was clearly a distinct difference between us. No matter how hard I would try and write to her. Her response was simply nothing at all. Perhaps in order to move on, I needed to expose myself.
The long personal letter of Secretive Summoner to Moonlight Empress has begun.
'I would like for you to acknowledge everything I have said here. I seriously do not appreciate you ignoring my efforts and love for you when I see you as a truly special person to me, it hurts me a lot to know my favorite person ignores my efforts and love and treats it like it is nothing (at least that is how I feel). You can process and read everything I have said on your own time and whatnot. I just want to say all of this so I can move on and have proper closure in our friendship and to properly explain why I did the things I did. I just want to be myself to truly express to you how I felt, I apologize if I am somehow blunt because I genuinely at times do not understand how I am blunt or rude when I thought I was being polite and say things straight to the point without having to walk on eggshells.
This is how I would like to express myself, please respect the way I handle and express myself as I am exhausted from putting up a mask that is not your fault but this world's fault because I was forced to do so in order to fit in with society better. My intentions is to say things to the point in the most efficient, kindest, and direct way I possibly can to you, in no way am I trying to hurt you at all asides from some very intense resentful I have felt to you because I felt really hurt by my emotional needs/distress never being noticed nor could I ever feel comfortable speaking up about it without worrying about our relationship being in shambles. I also hope that I am able to explain why I did the things that I did in our relationship and struggled to be properly honest with you with full clarity instead of you being forced to guess and think it out. This is also a way for me to finally stand up for yourself, as you may have already know, I am a people pleaser and I struggle to respect and defend myself. If you have any questions, feel free to reply and reach out, I will do my best to answer them. I highly suggest you do it sooner as it is possible for me to forget as I attempt to move on from our relationship and I may get busier with life as a college student. Before moving on romantically from you, I only wish to express it all for both closure and in hopes that it makes you feel loved and it is possible for people to romantically commit to you. I apologize if this is not as straight forward as you have liked as I struggle to get to the point sometimes and tend to have a habit of saying irrelevant/repeated things.
I think we have different personalities that just are unable to adapt to each other in a compatible way. In no way is it either of our faults, but I'm someone who needs more details, and you are someone who may know something right away if that makes sense. You also like to take your time on these kinds of things, while I would like to just jump straight to it and deal with the conflict right away. I expected too much of you. I believe my long-term one-sided romantic feelings for you may have enhanced those expectations, considering romance increases expectations overall in relationships compared to friendships, so I am sorry if my actions or behaviors may have lowered your standards or self-esteem, as I realize people have a bigger influence than they realize. I have tried extremely hard to keep our friendship peaceful as I could even at the cost of repressing my own needs. As I finally make more friends that I need, I realize I want friends who help me grow and are as socially extroverted as I am. I hung onto you because I had no one else literally. I am more than and extremely grateful to you but I just want my needs met and to try and find the people I need and not have to only rely on you. I also think we're at different growth levels and I struggle to adapt to change too.
I'm really, really sorry for dumping all of my pent up emotions on you. The truth is, I've been feeling that way for a long time, but I've been hesitant to express it because I didn't want to burden you. I know you have a lot of going on and a lot of stress in your life. I know I can't express it in a way that you may understand, but I am really grateful for all the things you've done for me despite knowing how much is on your plate. You don't have to keep pushing yourself for me if you're really stressed out. I just wanted to know that I am still loved and appreciated and that you're still here.
I have so much anxiety when it comes to you. I don't want things to end up like how it was with my previous relationships. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose what we have. For your information, my best friend who has a better understanding of how you process things has been helping me understand you better and to efficiently write this document in a way you can understand too.
The letter goes on and on and has ended.