"…Secretary. What are the plans for today?"
"Yes, Major Touri. We are scheduled to inspect the front lines today."
It's already been a week since I started working at Headquarters as a major.
Even though I delegated most of the work to my secretary, my own fatigue had reached its peak.
"An inspection?"
"We will check the situation on the front lines. Let's start from the area under Captain Kennel's responsibility, from East Area B5 to B13."
"…Yes, alright."
Detailed battle reports sent from the front lines.
Young soldiers die shortly after being sent to the battlefield, and a death notice is sent to their families.
The mental strain makes me feel like my heart is being torn apart.
"…"
It's a given that new recruits die on the battlefield.
I've seen it many times during the Western Front.
There's really no reason to be shocked.
"…Major Touri? Could it be that you're not feeling well?"
"No, that's not the case."
"Your face is pale. You might have caught a cold. Shall we postpone the inspection?"
"No… I'm still a medic. I know my own condition."
My body felt as heavy as lead, and I woke up feeling terrible.
…To send my subordinates into dangerous, life-threatening situations while I remain safe in my room.
That guilt weighed heavily on my heart.
"I'm just a little tired. The inspection is no problem."
"…Alright. Then, I will guide you."
Up until now, the fact that I was in dangerous places had actually saved me.
The responsibility of sending young soldiers to their deaths from a safe area is too heavy for me.
"Please inform Captain Kennel that we are on our way."
"Understood."
I forced my heavy body to stand up and walked towards the front lines.
It takes an hour to walk from the headquarters in Engei to the front lines. It's about a 40-minute distance if we run.
"We've received a reply from over there. The inspection preparations are complete."
"Understood. Let's proceed."
Accompanied by several soldiers for protection and guided by my secretary…
I headed towards the narrow and dark trench where Captain Kennel is waiting.
***
The trenches we are inspecting are not at the very front lines.
It's only the rearmost part of the defense line where Captain Kennel, the section commander, is stationed.
"Oh, thank you for coming, Major Touri."
When we arrived at the trenches, Captain Kennel greeted us with a bright smile.
Since there was no combat today, the soldiers were continuing to dig trenches, half-naked.
"Everyone, gather around. It's the famous 'Lucky Carry.'"
"H-Hello. I'm Touri Lowe."
"Alright, everyone salute!"
"Yes, sir!"
The soldiers gathered together and saluted with shovels in their hands at Captain Kennel's call.
Maybe it's because they were called out while they were working, but their expressions were stiff and they remained silent.
"Thank you for gathering. Please, continue with your work as you were."
"Yes, Major!"
After returning their salute, I asked them to resume their work without worrying about us.
I don't want to disrupt their work if possible.
"Today is the inspection day. As you can see, the trench is being dug as planned."
"Thank you, Captain Kennel."
"I'll guide you from here. Major, please talk to the soldiers."
Captain Kennel said this as he took over as the guide, leading me to various places.
I thoroughly checked to see if the troops were deployed as per the documents, if the equipment was properly inspected, and if there were no issues with the communication systems.
When I inspected his designated area thoroughly, there didn't seem to be any problems anywhere.
"Is there anything else our battalion can help you with?"
"No, everything seems fine."
The soldiers I visited were all tense.
Even for someone young like me, it must be nerve-wracking to have a superior check their work.
"Please be honest, Major Touri. Is there really nothing you want to point out?"
"Yes, I think everyone is performing their duties well."
I inspected it carefully but didn't find any problems.
They are digging the trench as planned, and the inventory of supplies matches.
I also conducted random checks on the soldiers' equipment, and everything was well-maintained.
I would say there is no problem.
It should be safe to say there are no issues.
"…Well, you see, Major Touri."
"Yes, what is it?"
"If there are no problems, could you please show a bit more of a smile? My subordinates were worried about what kind of reprimand they might receive."
After finishing the inspection, when I was about to say goodbye to Captain Kennel…
He gave me a somewhat troubled look and voiced his concern.
"It will affect morale if you inspect with such a gloomy expression on your face. Please be a little more sociable."
"A gloomy expression?"
"The Major looks extremely displeased. I also got nervous."
Captain Kennel said this with a troubled expression, sweat forming on his forehead.
…Did I really look that displeased?
"I didn't realize that. I'm sorry."
"There's nothing more frightening to a soldier than a disgruntled superior officer."
Admittedly, I am not in the best condition right now.
I feel sick every time I see the list of soldiers who died in the battle reports.
It feels as if their deaths are being vividly thrust upon me as my own fault.
"…Perhaps. Are you troubled by something, Major Touri?"
"Yes, well."
Perhaps because of my uncertain attitude, Captain Kennel realized that I was worried.
After taking a deep breath, he spoke to me again.
"I see, so that's how you feel, Major Touri?"
"Captain Kennel?"
"Major Touri, do you still have time? Would you like to stop by my tent for a bit?"
He ran a hand through his thinning hair and beckoned me amiably into his tent.
***
"I don't have much to offer though."
Since I had some time to spare, I accepted his invitation and entered his tent.
Surprisingly, Captain Kennel's tent was adorned with various colorful flowers.
"I like flowers. The scent of Flamer flowers is a bit strong, but it still helps me relax more than having none at all."
"I see…"
Captain Kennel's desk is decorated with some cute, pop-like items.
Perhaps his tastes are surprisingly girlish?
"Now, Major Touri. Please have a seat."
"Thank you."
"No need to hesitate. If you have any troubles, you can always consult with me, Kennel."
Captain Kennel spoke to me with an unbroken, cheerful smile.
Honestly, his plump figure and intimidating eyes make him a bit scary…
"…Well, there's something I'd like to ask."
"Yes, what is it?"
This man is the oldest commander I know.
He sends young soldiers to the battlefield—how has he dealt with that guilt all this time?
I felt he would be the right person to discuss this with.
"Captain Kennel, how do you, well… deal with the death of soldiers?"
"Oh?"
***
I confided in Captain Kennel what was bothering me.
That I'm still confused about suddenly becoming a major.
That I feel the pressure from giving orders from a safe zone and hearing reports of soldiers dying under your command.
That I didn't know how to come to terms with their deaths.
"As a soldier, you shouldn't think about the meaning of people's deaths."
Captain Kennel listened to my worries with a somewhat exasperated expression.
"So that's what was bothering you. Major Touri, what were you taught at the military academy?"
"…I was recruited from the civilian sector."
"Oh, I see! So that's it…"
Hearing that I came from the civilian sector, Captain Kennel let out a voice of understanding.
He then let out a big sigh.
"I thought that Major Touri might be dealing with harassment out of jealousy."
"Harassment?"
"Lieutenant Colonel Verdi was subjected to some pretty severe harassment. It's common among young officers."
Apparently, Captain Kennel thought I was troubled by harassment.
Now that I think about it, Verdi looked quite pale right after his promotion.
Especially those affiliated with the Renvel faction are particularly likely to be targeted.
"I have quite a few connections. I intended to help if you were having such troubles."
"No, there's nothing like that right now."
Fortunately, I haven't been a target of bullying yet.
For now, other officers at the headquarters are keeping their distance.
I might be facing jealousy, so I should be cautious.
"Alright then. With all due respect, Major Touri, your worries are trivial."
"…Trivial?"
"Yes. What's the point of worrying about something that doesn't benefit Austin?"
Captain Kennel bluntly dismissed my worries.
I've been very troubled about it, but to be dismissed as trivial…
"Major Touri, you're part of Headquarters, aren't you? Then you shouldn't be worrying about things that don't benefit the military. It's a waste of time and effort."
"…"
"If you have time to think about the dead soldiers, I wish you would do something more beneficial for the military."
Captain Kennel bluntly criticized me.
…Though, what he says is correct.
"Speaking of Major Touri, you achieved quite a remarkable victory in Argalia. What was the secret to that victory?"
"It was largely due to luck. There's no real secret or anything like that…"
"That's not good. Saying it was just luck ends the conversation. Think about what went well and led to the success of the battle. Then, it's the job of Headquarters to research whether that can be applied to other situations. It might be a difficult issue for a civilian like Major Touri, but if you're going to worry, then worry about that."
I could only blink in response to Captain Kennel's lecture.
…I shouldn't dismiss the victory in Argalia as just luck.
As a commander, I should analyze it and apply it to future situations.
There is certainly truth in that statement.
"Whether it's how many enemies were killed or how many allies died. It's enough for the soldiers on the front lines to grieve such things. Even if the Major doesn't grieve, there are plenty of people who will mourn the death of their comrades."
"…"
"Rather, Major, you should celebrate the soldiers' deaths. Praise them for their service to the country."
"Celebrate?"
"There's no point in the Major feeling sad about dead soldiers you've never met. Instead, rejoice in and commend the achievements of those who fought according to your orders. That's the job of a superior officer, isn't it?"
"…"
"Having someone celebrate and honor the dead is much more uplifting than just being mourned. Your job, Major, is to praise and honor them."
Captain Kennel's views are thoroughly those of a "soldier."
And it's a perspective I must adopt.
"Unless your command led to unnecessary casualties, it's not your concern. But you've completely dumped the frontline duties onto us, haven't you?"
"Yes…"
"Then I don't understand what you're worried about. It has nothing to do with you, Major."
As he said, the current command has been left entirely to Captain Kennel and Captain Zieve.
Him saying it's inappropriate for me to worry about those casualties is also valid.
"I'll tell you the truth, Major Touri. You're not contributing anything at the front lines. All you do is look at the documents we submit and complain. What right do you have to be so concerned about casualties?"
"Ugh…"
"And to be honest, I don't have much confidence in the Major's abilities. I'm confident that I'm a better commander than you, with your limited experience."
"…"
"What I'm asking of you, the Major, is to act as a motivator. That's why I made the effort to gather the soldiers together and asked you to speak to them during your inspection. If a cute superior officer like you encourages them, it would boost their morale."
Captain Kennel spoke bluntly and candidly.
He was completely open about seeing me as nothing more than a mascot.
I'm a bit surprised.
"Why did you volunteer for the military in the first place, Major?"
"I had an aptitude for healing magic, so I was more or less forced into it. I was originally a medic who wanted to help people."
"Ahh… I'm surprised you've managed to survive this long."
However, it was clear that Captain Kennel's words came from the heart.
A young girl suddenly becoming his superior officer and agonizing over trivial matters.
This must be infuriating for Captain Kennel, who is commanding on the front lines and putting his life in my hands.
"Major Touri, here's an important question. Do you enjoy killing enemies?"
"Huh?"
Captain Kenner suddenly asked me that question.
I was a bit flustered by the abrupt question.
"I don't think I like it."
"Then, if there were enemy soldiers right in front of you, would you let them go?"
"No, well… If it's on the battlefield, I would shoot with resolve."
I answered honestly.
"What are you pretending to be?"
Captain Kennel coldly dismissed my reply.
"I clap my hands and rejoice when I shoot an enemy in the head. After that, I laugh at the foolish enemy."
"That's…"
"What good does it do for a soldier to feel guilty about killing enemies? It only dulls their trigger finger. A soldier who can pull the trigger even a second faster is stronger on the battlefield."
Captain Kennel is a realist through and through.
He understood well that the mentality needed to survive on the battlefield is often at odds with ethical considerations.
"Even a moment's hesitation can be fatal on the battlefield. If Major Touri's noble spirit infects a soldier and he dies because he's too late to pull the trigger, how will you take responsibility?"
"…"
"You're not participating in the war. You probably just feel like you're caught up in it."
And he is frighteningly accurate.
He put into words the indulgent part of me.
"If you're our superior officer, you should praise the soldiers who shot down the enemy with a beaming smile. We're killing people on your orders! Why are you acting like it's nothing to do with you?"
"…"
"We fight with our lives on the line at your command. It's a nuisance to have you mourn the dead without understanding that."
Indeed…
Captain Kennel's words are correct. I did have a sense of being "caught up in the war" rather than leading it.
"…I heard rumors about you being an unfeeling and merciless female soldier who laughs while killing enemies, but I suppose those were exaggerated."
"That is…"
"To think that the superior officer I got is a girl who would rather play with dolls in a city like this."
It might have been acceptable when I was a lower-ranking soldier, but now I am now a major at the command headquarters.
I am not caught up in the war, but in a position to involve young people in the war.
It would have been inappropriate to approach this work without being aware of and prepared for that.
"If you have time to agonize over trivial things, do something beneficial for the military. You could use your fame to solicit donations from nobles or go around encouraging the soldiers on the front lines. There are various things you can do."
"Yes…"
"That's all I wanted to say. I apologize for speaking out of turn as a subordinate."
There were many parts of Captain Kennel's lecture that I found convincing.
It was quite harsh, but this must be the mindset of a "soldier."
If I have time to agonize over trivial matters, then I should do something beneficial for the military.
His lecture was so reasonable that I had no words to retort.
"Well, I've said a lot of things, but I don't dislike you, Major Touri. You're not overconfident and you don't give me any strange orders."
"Overconfident?"
"When a young person achieves great things, they usually become arrogant. They get strangely confident, and no matter how reasonable your proposals are, they all get rejected. You're a hundred times better than such a person."
I was sulky after Captain Kennel's scolding, so he must have felt a bit embarrassed.
In the end, he said this as a form of consolation.
"…Please rely on me if you have any questions or concerns in the future. Though my way of speaking might be a bit rough, I will answer sincerely."
"Thank you very much."
…What I can do now.
I haven't attended a military academy, so studying tactics is difficult for me.
At the very least, I should be able to encourage the soldiers with a smile.
"Well then, see you later, Major Touri."
"Yes, thank you for today, Captain Kennel."
With that, I resolved to take the lead in the war with a renewed awareness of my position.
"Next up is the inspection of Captain Zieve's assigned area."
"Yes, let's proceed."
As someone who issues orders to kill, I want to alleviate the soldiers' guilt as much as possible.
I headed for the next inspection, keeping a smile in mind.
***
"…Captain Zieve?"
"Yes."
After that…
I went to Captain Zieve with a smile on my face.
Captain Zieve became extremely nervous and stiff when he saw my smile.
"Umm…"
"Y-Yes, ma'am."
I guess a woman's smile is still too early for Captain Zieve.