"Requesting permission to enter. I've come to report on the mission, Touri."
"It's been a while. Please come in, Lieutenant Gavel."
The job of a major is easier compared to working on the front lines.
There's no danger to my life, and no physical labor is required.
It's a more comfortable life compared to when I was in the orphanage.
"How does it feel to be a company commander?"
"It's rewarding, but… that thing won't listen to me."
"Is Argie still the same as always?"
I stay in a private room with a bed, with laundry and cleaning taken care of, and warm meals served.
I can also purchase luxury items if I want and take baths.
I'm not woken up by artillery fire or bothered by the snoring of my comrades.
"…Have you lost weight?"
"Maybe I've lost a little."
Despite being in such a comfortable environment,
For some reason, I felt weaker day by day.
"How should I put this… It looks like the unhealthy kind of weight loss."
"Maybe it's because I've had less time for exercise?"
I made light of it to Lieutenant Gavel, but I know the reason.
…It's probably because I'm having nightmares every night and can't sleep.
"I'm fine. Now, let's get to the work discussion, Lieutenant Gavel."
"Ah, yeah."
Each time a battle report arrives, I am confronted with the details of which soldiers died in the trenches and how.
My heart aches when I see the photograph of the dead soldier's face every time I write a death notice.
…And then at night, I dream of soldiers dying in the trenches.
"First, let me talk about the replacement of soldiers. 35 new recruits will be assigned to Gavel Company."
"Understood, thank you. When will it be?"
"Gavel Company will be taking on a supply transport mission to the capital city of Winn in four days. After that, you will meet up with the trainees at the Winn Military Academy."
"Got it."
The Gavel Guerrilla Company has not been given any dangerous missions.
This is to maintain morale and avoid total annihilation.
However, the only instruction given was to "ensure the survival of the unit."
…It seems that as long as the "Gavel Company" remains intact, it's okay even if the entire composition of soldiers changes.
"How many of the new recruits survive will depend on their training. Please train them well."
"Okay. Leave it to me."
Lieutenant Gavel said this, saluted me, and then:
"Make sure you rest properly too."
"…Thank you for your concern."
With that final remark, he left the room.
***
I am getting plenty of rest.
I get time to take breaks and I sleep in my bed at night.
And yet, why does my body feel heavier than when I worked all night in the medical department?
"Captain Kennel reports that there appears to be an enemy offensive."
"…What's the situation?"
"The enemy's momentum is strong, and we're at a slight disadvantage. They're requesting reinforcements."
"Alright. Please contact Captain Zieve and have the guerrilla forces provide cover."
Every few days, Flamer soldiers charge at the machine guns.
It's my job to lead the charge in chasing them away.
"The enemy's offensive range is broad."
"Gavel Company and Dalor Company are stationed in Engei. Should we have them deploy as well?"
"…Yes. Please proceed as such."
I receive reports from the field officers.
All you have to do is decide which units to deploy where.
…To be honest, I don't want to send Gavel Company, where I have many acquaintances, to the front lines.
However, there's no way we can afford to have an entire company sitting idle.
Even if it means sending my comrades to dangerous places, we must defend our positions.
"…Is there any further news on the battle report?"
"It seems they are still engaged in combat."
I waited for the report in my private room at Headquarters, feeling a tense sense of impatience.
Lieutenant Gavel and the rest of the company are holed up in the trenches fighting the enemy.
And yet, what am I doing?
"Major Touri. Lieutenant Colonel Verdi has some additional documents for you. There appears to be a mistake in the operation directive."
"Okay, I'll check it."
Paperwork must be completed even during combat.
It's necessary to deal with this in order to prevent the war from stalling.
I'm currently getting help from a secretary, but I'll eventually need to be able to handle it all on my own.
"…Report from Captain Kennel. Although they had to abandon one level of trenches, they have succeeded in repelling the enemy."
"Alright, thank you."
The battle ended up continuing into the next day.
It appears to have been a fairly forceful offensive, and we ended up abandoning one trench.
"Enemy casualties are estimated at over 1,000. Friendly casualties are 112 dead, 887 injured, and 141 missing—"
This offense must have been quite intense.
Over 100 precious Austin soldiers were killed, and the field hospital is overwhelmed with the massive number of wounded.
"There were two casualties from Gavel Guerrilla Company…"
There were familiar faces on the list of those killed in battle.
A short man who was playing in the river with Sergeant Gavel.
A former fisherman who caught the most fish in Argalia.
Both are people I have had conversations with.
"Here's the list by cause of death. There's also a request for refilling expended ammunition."
"…I'll check it."
I am the reason these two people died.
It was my decision to have Gavel Guerrilla Company defend.
However, there was no reason not to mobilize them from a defensive strategy standpoint.
A guerrilla company is a unit that is meant to be deployed in such cases.
"The medical department is requesting permission to call up dispatched medics to the hospital."
"Permission granted."
The medical department also requested that medical personnel like Argie be called up.
With nearly 900 wounded, they probably needed more hands.
"…Excuse me, secretary. I'm going to check on the hospital for a bit."
"Understood"
I'm a medic with full magical powers.
There might be something I can do at the hospital.
I also don't have too much work left for today.
Thinking that, I dashed off to the hospital.
***
"…This is Major Touri from Headquarters."
"Major?! Is there something you need from the medical department?"
"Please tell me where Director Reitalyu is."
This is surely self-indulgence.
"Reitalyu, it's been a while. I've come to help."
"Touri?! I mean, Major…"
"There's no need for formalities. I'd rather you give me instructions."
"…Alright. For now, could you start with the initial examinations?"
After visiting Reitalyu, I followed her instructions and began treating those with relatively minor injuries.
"Major Touri, you must have work to do as well. Please wrap it up when you can."
"Thank you for your consideration."
Reitalyu, whom I hadn't seen for months, was as busy as ever.
Without even a moment for a proper reunion, we parted ways and focused on our work.
"Medic, am I going to be okay?"
"You'll be fine, you're in good hands. Please, don't worry."
"Ugh… my heart is pounding and it won't stop. What's going to happen to me?"
"Hmm. Nurse, prepare an IV for him. He looks pale."
…Working as a medic brings me peace of mind.
I felt very happy to be able to do something for someone who was suffering from a severe injury.
"[Heal]. Yes, you're fine now. Please rest today just to be on the safe side."
"Thank you, medic."
There's no time to rest in the field hospital.
All the while treating the injured one after the other.
"Do we have any elixirs?"
"We don't have much stock."
"…Then we'll have to use them sparingly."
By drinking elixir and using healing magic, I can save lives.
How wonderful is that?
"Ha, ha, ha…"
"Wh-What's wrong? What are you laughing at, medic?"
"No, it's just… I've wanted to do this."
I'm neglecting my work at Headquarters.
I continued treating people in the field hospital until dawn.
"Umm, you're wearing a Major's insignia."
"Don't worry about it. This kind of thing happens."
"R-Really?"
In the field hospital, I had a real sense of being alive.
Working at the hospital all night was sleepy, painful, and tiring.
But I definitely felt that I was helping someone.
"Major Touri."
"Secretary."
However, this is not my job.
Worried about my absence, my secretary came to the medical department at dawn.
"There are still some documents that need to be prepared before the briefing. It's about time you returned."
"Yes…"
The secretary looked at me with disdain.
I was brought back to Headquarters, stained with the blood and sweat of soldiers.
***
I don't really understand what's so hard about this.
Yet, something within me is reaching its limit.
"Major Touri, this is the battle report."
"Thank you. I'll review it."
I am given a private room with a bed and warm meals.
I manage a mountain of paperwork with the help of my secretary.
I shouldn't have any complaints about my current situation.
"There was a fair amount of damage in this battle as well."
"…Is there any available personnel to be deployed to the front lines?"
"Well, currently the only unit with available personnel is the Gavel Company."
Until now, I have been the one whose life is being chosen.
Following the orders of my superiors, I go to dangerous battlefields and do my job at the risk of my life.
I was taught that this was how it should be.
"If we're talking about survivors from Argalia, there will be many volunteers. Let's send those you deem capable to the front lines."
"Yes…"
But my current job is different.
I have become someone who decides who lives and who dies.
"This Carol is quite outstanding for a private."
"Well, then, it's fine to send this person to the front lines as well. As for the others─"
The palpitations gradually become more intense.
There are many familiar faces in Gavel Company, including a soldier who confessed his feelings to me and a soldier I played with in the river.
"This person is…"
I skimmed the list and found a troublemaker who once boasted about his habit of deserting.
"…"
If I have to send someone to the front lines anyway, isn't it better to start with someone like him?
I still vividly remember how, before the decisive battle at Argalia, he caused a commotion by saying, 'I'm going to run away, you should too,' which lowered morale.
If I have to choose who to send, I might as well start with someone like—
"Hk!"
"Major Touri?"
With a loud thud, I slammed my fist on the desk.
I bit my lip so hard that the taste of blood filled my mouth.
"Is something wrong?"
"No, it's nothing. …I apologize."
The moment I came to my senses.
I felt so much self-loathing that I wanted to punch myself in the face.
────Just now, I tried to choose a life based on my personal feelings.
From the perspective of a staff officer, sending a soldier with a tendency to run away to the front lines is unthinkable.
He is without a doubt not a soldier fit for frontline duty.
If I send him to the front line without correcting his attitude, it will surely have a negative impact.
Rather, his tendency to flee will not cause any trouble as long as he doesn't go to the front lines.
Yet, for a brief moment, I considered including him on the list.
…That was not the rationality of a soldier.
It's an extremely despicable feeling. I thought it wouldn't matter if this person died.
"After all, this is a company commanded by Major Touri. If you're that worried, why don't we ask for reinforcements from another unit?"
"Well, that's, umm…"
The secretary suggested with a somewhat troubled smile.
How wonderful would be if I could request replacements from other units?
I could protect my comrades who shared life and death with me and fought in Argalia.
"Major Touri has the authority to make such personnel decisions."
"…"
I can protect my acquaintances from the flames of war.
It is within the range of authority granted to me.
That's right, everyone in Gavel Company is celebrated as heroes.
What's wrong with prioritizing their lives?
"…No."
After some hesitation,
"Let's proceed with the replacements from the Gavel Company as planned."
"Is that okay?"
"Yes. The replacements are Private Carol, Private Rodman, and Corporal Kudel…"
In the end, I made the decision to send the members of Gavel Company to the front lines.
Emotions should not decide the placement of soldiers.
I should select and place personnel suitable for trench warfare.
"…Understood. I will make the arrangements."
"Thank you."
Yes, this is how it should be.
Personal feelings should be removed when it comes to personnel management for soldiers.
As a result, no matter who dies and what happens to them, it is fate.
"I think that's fine."
Yes, the moment I made that decision in my heart…
"That way, you won't be hurt."
The voice inside my head that I hear when I'm cornered.
"Well done."
It sneered sarcastically.
***
"Private Rodman, reporting."
"Private Carol, reporting."
"Corporal Kudel, reporting—"
I selected 12 soldiers from Gavel Company and gave them their orders to go to the front lines.
"Thank you for choosing me, Major Touri."
"…Private Carol."
"I will live up to Major Touri's expectations and show my worth."
The recruits received their orders with great enthusiasm.
Even though the front lines are frightening and they must truly hate it, they show no sign of it in their attitude.
"I pray for your good fortune."
"This is nothing compared to the Battle of Argalia."
I know what trench warfare is like.
I also understand that most recruits deployed to the front lines will die within six months.
Most of the soldiers I called here will be gone in six months.
"I was a bit dissatisfied with just one medal. I'm going to accomplish something great again."
"Major Touri, please stay well."
They should know this too.
So why do they smile so brightly?
"Thank you for your courage…"
I am in a position to command from the rear without going to the front lines.
Yet, I was the only one here whose hands were shaking.