"What do you mean three minutes isn't enough?" the young man barked, brows knitted. "There are men who don't even last thirty seconds."
Zeth sat in a brass-and-iron chair, smoothing his hair down by habit to hide his receding hairline, while his formal black coat and pants creased at the joints.
"And if not for your apostle's intervention, I would've lasted longer. Hell, I could've even beaten that weirdo."
His voice echoed through the stone room, decorated with various bloodied weapons and severed heads of gods and monsters.
An uneasy silence hung in the air, broken only by the three apostles in hooded white robes along the wall and the groaning gladiator in iron armor clutching his family jewels, ready to cry at any moment.
"Child, you could have gotten hurt or even died," said the calm yet thunderous voice from the stone throne at the room's center. It belonged to Ares, the God of War, clad in bronze armor over his muscular physique.
"Heck, like I'm not already dead," Zeth muttered, sounding disgusted by the words.
"Child, I must admit your efforts were impressive and your achievement remarkable. But you see..."
Hesitating, Ares glanced to the side at the warrior.
"I believe your methods are rather... underhanded."
Zeth's expression dropped into pure, dumbfounded shock.
"Says who? The God of War?"
Silence fell for a moment. Ares's lips twitched, and after a second of contemplation, he snapped his shaky fingers.
"Get out!"
The next second, Zeth found the wall surrounding him gone, along with the chair that had been supporting his pampered butt. He reacted, but not before he fell onto the white marble, off balance.
As if fate hadn't had enough, a black file materialized in the air and fell straight onto his face.
"God of War, you hypocrite. Didn't your honor teach you not to disrespect a dead man?"
Zeth pushed himself off the ground, brushing the marble dust off his coat. He loosened his tie and noticed a crowd in similar attire watching with surprised, even shocked, expressions.
Perhaps he spoke too loudly.
Realizing the situation, Zeth pushed through the crowd, avoiding their gazes. It stung, but he had bigger problems: the thirtieth rejection in a row since coming to Heaven.
'What was I even expecting from someone who wears metal armor in the middle of June?'
He was finally out of the crowd and on the wide streets of the city built in Heaven. The City of a Thousand Gods... Amravati.
Zeth paused for a moment, glancing at the tallest building in the center of the city, bathed in golden light and rising higher than his eyes could see. The temple of the most-followed god.
A grimace crossed his face as he turned around and walked away from it.
The wide streets narrowed until marble temples gave way to simple two-story concrete buildings belonging to lesser gods. Farther on, concrete disappeared too, replaced by a few wooden houses, barely maintained and crumbling.
The road was muddy, and the air carried a rotting smell. Compared to the mighty towers of Heaven, this place felt like a slum.
Looking around at the crumbling structures, his gaze settled on one of the wooden buildings with a board barely hanging by ropes. Even though the text was written in a foreign language, Zeth managed to read it.
Temple of Freyr... Norse God of Prosperity, Agriculture, and Harvest.
'At this point, I'll take anything.'
Without thinking much, Zeth straightened his tie, forced a smile, and pushed open the creaking gate.
Dim yellow light greeted him in a simple wooden room with a table and two chairs, one of which was occupied by a figure.
A tall man with long, sunlit hair that fell to his shoulders and calm, ocean-blue eyes that met Zeth's.
"Welcome to the Temple of Harvest, my child." Freyr's voice echoed, matching the calmness of his eyes.
Zeth paused for a moment, then quickly bowed as deeply as his spine allowed.
"I pay my respects to the God of Harvest. Please accept my request for a job interview."
Freyr gestured toward the empty chair, and a crystal sphere appeared on the table. Zeth sat down without hesitation.
"Child, since coming here, have you gone through any job interviews?"
"Yes, my lord!"
"Then I won't need to explain much. If you are ready, shall I take a look at the cause of your death?"
Nodding in agreement, Zeth reached for the crystal sphere and placed his palm on it. A white light slowly engulfed his vision, and the temple faded away.
A modern white bedroom appeared, with a king-sized bed, messy bedsheets, and Zeth snoring in his floral pajamas at its center.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The door echoed under the maid's knock. She stormed in, face red with anger, then drew a breath and yelled with a voice worse than a banshee's scream.
"YOUNG MASTER, YOU ARE STILL NOT AWAKE!!"
Zeth's brows furrowed, yet his eyes didn't open. His hand simply grabbed another pillow and pressed it against his ears.
"Letmesbbb slepppmore... five more minutes... kekeke..."
The maid paused, then took an even deeper breath before yelling again.
"YOUNG MASTER, YOU NEED TO WAKE UP, OR I WILL LOSE MY JOB!!"
The innocent pillow could barely put up a fight against her demonic screams. Zeth grumbled, still refusing to wake up, dragged himself aside, and reached into his drawer for a wad of cash.
Without looking back, he threw it with perfect precision, hitting the maid in the face.
Her anger quickly turned to shock, then embarrassment, as she shamelessly collected the cash from the ground. Zeth simply smiled, placing a pillow between his knees as he slept carelessly.
"Child..." Freyr's lips twitched as he looked at the scene.
"Are you perhaps... rich?"
Zeth's eyes lit up, and a sharp smile played on his lips.
"...Filthy rich!"
It was brief, but Zeth could sense the sudden flicker of excitement in the god's eyes. They both looked back at the scene, Zeth sleeping peacefully like a baby.
For a few minutes, nothing happened. Then it did.
A massive shock shuddered through the walls, followed by screams.
"Someone help me, YOUNG MASTER!"
Zeth recognized the scream. The same banshee again.
Though it was far away, the voice still pierced his ears and reached his brain like a sharp nail. This time, Zeth woke with a frown.
"These... hungry... bastards."
His eyes still partially closed, he put on his custom gold-plated Crocs, grabbed two more wads of cash from his drawer, and shambled across the room.
With his vision still blurry, he stood at the edge of the first-floor balcony of the mansion and threw the cash into the air.
"Take this and shut up, you idiots!"
But something felt wrong. There was neither the sound of praise nor a gasp of disbelief.
Zeth rubbed his eyes open.
As his vision cleared, a cold chill ran down his spine. The floor below was bathed in blood, limbs scattered across the white tiles, and the money he had just thrown rested on the floor, soaking in the blood.
Zeth felt his stomach churn, stepping back instinctively when he hit something.
Something cold, but not as cold as the wall.
His head slowly turned, and his pupils widened.
Towering over him stood an eight-foot-tall humanoid green monster with its arms spread wide.
Before Zeth could react, the monster clapped against his head, and squished blood and brain matter flew in the air as his headless body collapsed to the ground.
Freyr stared at the light from the crystal as it faded. The bedroom vanished, and the temple returned around him.
"Oh heavens!" Freyr gasped. "That must have been painful."
'Not exactly. I died before feeling any pain.'
Zeth simply smiled. He had seen this play thirty times, and it still made him uncomfortable.
Freyr sighed.
"No matter, child. It is the duty of the Gods to show benevolence to mortals. Someone like you is fated to deserve a second chance."
"Really?" Zeth's eyes sparkled, and he almost jumped from his seat. "Does that mean you will hire me?"
Freyr nodded and smiled, holding his hands together.
"Of course I will."
Zeth dropped to the ground and bowed repeatedly.
"Thank you, my lord! I shall forever be in debt to your kindness, and I will advertise your name in the mortal realm until you are the most popular god on planet Earth."
Freyr giggled.
"Still, your résumé, please. We will need to complete some formalities."
Zeth quickly opened the black file and took out a bronze sheet with strange engravings, the paper he had received upon arriving in Heaven. Even though he did not understand what was written on it, the gods seemed to value the paper greatly.
"Lord of Harvest, you have no idea how grateful I am. Just revive me once, and I'll dance butt naked if I have to."
Zeth was yapping in excitement when he noticed Freyr's expression slowly change.
The room darkened, and an unknown pressure settled over him.
'Wait... did I say something wrong?'
Zeth bit his tongue.
Too late to think. Freyr's smile vanished, and the ground beneath him trembled.
"Mortal..." Freyr's voice echoed through the room as he put down the résumé.
"Please take this and do not return here. I do not know why you are in Heaven, but this place is not for you."
Zeth's eyes widened.
"But the job?"
Freyr looked at him with a gaze that pierced through his soul.
"Neither I nor any other god will ever give you a job. NOW YOU MAY LEAVE!"