They stayed there on the floor for a while with the sun moving slowly across the ceiling and the water stain that looked like a bunny watching over them like a quiet guardian.
Wenhao closed his eyes and tried to take a nap like he said he would but his brain was too busy and his thoughts were too loud and every time he got comfortable a new question popped into his head like a bubble rising to the surface of a boiling pot.
He opened his eyes and closed them and opened them again and he sighed and turned his head to look at Shen Wei who had his eyes closed and his hands resting on his stomach and he looked peaceful like he was actually sleeping.
But Shen Wei's lips twitched and he smiled a little without opening his eyes. "You're not sleeping."
"How do you know?" Wenhao said.
"Because you've sighed four times in the last two minutes and you keep moving your feet."
Wenhao turned onto his side and propped his head on his hand and looked at Shen Wei's face and Shen Wei still had his eyes closed but the smile was still there and it made his cheeks look rounder and softer.
Shen Wei opened his eyes and turned his head to look back at Wenhao and they were very close now because the floor was small and their faces were only a few inches apart. "You have questions?"
Wenhao's eyes went wide and he sat up too fast and his head spun a little. "No I don't."
Shen Wei sat up too and crossed his legs and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Wenhao. You just learned what gay means thirty minutes ago. You have questions. Lots of questions. I can see them bouncing around in your head like popcorn. Just ask."
Wenhao looked at Shen Wei's face and Shen Wei looked patient and calm and kind and Wenhao felt a little bit embarrassed and a little bit curious and a little bit scared all at the same time.
"Fine," Wenhao said and he sat up straighter and tucked his knees under him. "But you have to promise not to laugh at me. I'm new to this information. I'm like a baby."
Shen Wei pressed his lips together so he wouldn't laugh and nodded. "I promise. No laughing. Ask anything."
Wenhao took a deep breath and then the questions came out like water from a broken pipe because once he started he couldn't stop.
"So how do you know you're gay? Like how did you figure it out? Did someone tell you or did you just wake up one day and know? Have you always known? Is it like knowing you like chocolate better than vanilla or is it deeper than that?"
Shen Wei opened his mouth to answer but Wenhao wasn't done.
"And have you ever liked someone? Like really liked someone? Like someone in our school or someone from your old school or someone you saw on the street? Have you ever had a crush? What does a gay crush feel like? Is it different from a normal crush or is it the same but just with boys instead of girls?"
Shen Wei tried again but Wenhao kept going.
"And have you ever dated someone? Like gone on a date? Like holding hands and buying each other ice cream and walking in the park? Have you done that? Do gay people do that? Wait no that was a stupid question everyone does that ...ignore me."
Wenhao paused for one second to breathe and then he continued because his brain was on fire.
"What do gay people eat? Is there special food? Do you have to eat different things or can you eat normal food? Can you still eat instant noodles or is that against the rules? And where do gay people go? Is there like a secret place or a special club or do you just go to normal places like everyone else? Is it like a cult? Do you have to do a ceremony or say a password or wear a special ring?"
Shen Wei's mouth was open and his eyes were wide and he was trying very hard to keep his promise not to laugh but his shoulders were shaking.
Wenhao took another breath and then his voice got quieter and his face got softer and the last question came out slow and careful like he was walking on thin ice.
"And is it.... Is it different from wanting to try on skirts?"
The room got very quiet.
Shen Wei stopped smiling and looked at Wenhao's face and Wenhao was looking at the floor now and his cheeks were pink and his hands were picking at a loose thread on his pants.
Shen Wei understood suddenly that this last question was not just a question. It was a window. A small open window into something Wenhao had been carrying by himself for a very long time.
"Weiwei," Wenhao said and his voice was small. "You don't have to answer that one. That one was..... I shouldn't have asked."
Shen Wei reached out and put his hand on top of Wenhao's hand to stop him from picking at the thread and Wenhao looked up and his eyes were nervous and hopeful and scared all at once.
Shen Wei took a deep breath and decided to answer every single question one by one because Wenhao had trusted him with something big and Shen Wei wanted to trust him back.
"Okay," Shen Wei said gently. "First question. How do I know I'm gay? I figured it out when I was around thirteen. I noticed that I looked at boys differently than I looked at girls. When my classmates talked about which girls were pretty I felt nothing. But when I saw a boy smile or laugh I felt something in my chest. A flutter. Like a butterfly but inside my ribs."
Wenhao listened with his whole body. He wasn't picking at the thread anymore.
"I didn't wake up one day and just know," Shen Wei continued. "It was slow. Like putting together a puzzle without the picture on the box. I tried to like girls because I thought I was supposed to. But it never felt real. It always felt like acting. And when I finally let myself admit that I liked boys it felt like taking off shoes that were too small. Uncomfortable at first but then such a relief."
Wenhao nodded slowly and his eyes were very focused.
"Second question," Shen Wei said. "Have I ever liked someone? Yes. Once...A boy in my old school before I moved here. He had a loud laugh and he was bad at math and he shared his lunch with me when I forgot mine. I never told him. He moved away at the end of the year and I never saw him again."
"Did it hurt?" Wenhao asked quietly. "When he left?"
Shen Wei nodded. "It hurt... But not as much as keeping it inside would have hurt. I was sad but I was also proud of myself for feeling something real."
Wenhao looked at Shen Wei's face and his expression was soft and thoughtful and he was filing away every word like evidence.
"Third question. Have I ever dated anyone? No. Never. No one has ever asked me and I've never asked anyone. I was too scared and then the bullying got worse and then I stopped thinking about dating and started thinking about surviving."
Wenhao's jaw tightened because he hated the word surviving and he hated that Shen Wei had to use it.
"Fourth question," Shen Wei said and he laughed a little. "What do gay people eat? Wenhao. We eat the same things as everyone else. There's no special gay food. I eat instant noodles and terrible eggs and rice balls from 7-Eleven. Same as you. Being gay doesn't change your taste buds."
Wenhao looked relieved. "So I can still eat pudding?"
"You can still eat pudding," Shen Wei confirmed. "Pudding is safe. Pudding has no orientation."
Wenhao giggled and the tension in the room broke a little like a crack in a dam.
"Fifth question," Shen Wei continued. "Where do gay people go? We go to normal places. School. Work. The grocery store. The park. There are sometimes special places like cafes or bookstores that are known to be friendly but it's not a secret cult. There's no password. There's no special ring. Although a special ring would be cool. I would design it myself. Maybe a tiny rainbow."
Wenhao laughed and his shoulders relaxed. "I would help you design it. I have good taste."
"You have expensive taste," Shen Wei said. "There's a difference."
"Sixth question," Shen Wei said and his voice got softer. "Is it a cult. No. It's not a cult. It's just who someone is. Like having brown eyes or being left handed. You don't choose it. You just are. And there's no ceremony or initiation. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You just have to be honest with yourself."
Wenhao was quiet for a moment and his fingers found the loose thread again but this time he didn't pick at it. He just held it.
"And the last question," Shen Wei said very gently. "The one about skirts."
Wenhao's breath caught and he looked down at the floor and his cheeks went pinker and his whole body tensed like he was waiting for something bad to happen.
Shen Wei squeezed Wenhao's hand and Wenhao looked up and Shen Wei's face was not judging or confused or disgusted. It was warm and open and patient.
"Wenhao," Shen Wei said softly. "Wanting to try on skirts is different from being gay. They're not the same thing. Some gay men like skirts. Some don't. Some straight men like skirts. Some don't. What you wear doesn't decide who you love. And who you love doesn't decide what you wear."
Wenhao stared at Shen Wei and his eyes were wet but he wasn't crying. Not yet.
"So if I wanted to," Wenhao said and his voice was barely a whisper. "If I wanted to try. Just to see how it feels. That doesn't mean I'm anything. It just means I'm curious."
Shen Wei shook his head. "It doesn't mean you're anything except curious. And curious is okay. Curious is good. Curious is how we figure out who we are."
Wenhao took a shaky breath and looked at the water stain on the ceiling and the bunny looked back at him like it was keeping his secret safe.
"Weiwei."
"Yes."
"Thank you for not laughing. Thank you for answering my stupid questions. Thank you for not looking at me like I'm weird."
Shen Wei smiled and leaned back on his hands and looked at Wenhao with eyes that were full of something deep and warm and complicated. "You're not weird. You're just new to this. And I'm glad you asked me instead of someone who would have made you feel bad. I want you to always ask me. Anything. Even the messy stuff. Especially the messy stuff."
Wenhao lay back down on the floor and stared at the ceiling and Shen Wei lay back down next to him and they were both quiet for a long time.
"Weiwei."
"Yes."
"I think I'm going to have more questions later. My brain is still cooking."
Shen Wei smiled at the ceiling. "My brain is always here for your questions. Even the ones that come out of nowhere at three in the morning."
"Good," Wenhao said and he closed his eyes. "Because I have a feeling I'm going to need you a lot."
"You already have me," Shen Wei said quietly. "You've had me since the ice cream."
Wenhao smiled and didn't open his eyes and the sun moved across the floor and the bunny shaped water stain watched over them and neither of them said anything else for a very long time.
But their hands stayed close together on the floor and their pinky fingers were almost touching and that was enough.