[While Haley Was Busy in the Kitchen]
[Garage]
Claire stood beside the open trunk of her car, checking the two lamb pies she had hidden inside insulated food carriers. The garage door was lowered halfway, leaving just enough space for cool evening air to slip underneath without letting anyone on the street see what she was doing.
A small warming tray sat on the workbench, connected to an extension cord near the wall. Claire had already moved one pie onto it while the other remained inside the trunk. Both had golden crusts, properly cooked filling, and exactly the right amount of rosemary.
Earlier that afternoon, Claire had gone to Jay's house and made the pies in his kitchen because there was no way she could bake them at home without Haley noticing. Gloria had watched her prepare everything while asking why she was sneaking food into her own house. Jay had told her to let Haley make her own mistakes and learn from them. Claire can't always be there to cook for her daughter. However, he had changed his opinion after Claire described the practice dinner from several nights earlier.
Everyone in the Dunphy house already knew Haley couldn't cook except for Haley herself. Though she had been trying really hard to learn by taking cooking classes for months now.
The practice lamb pie had been really bad.
Claire and Phil had known something was wrong before Haley even cut into it. The crust had sagged in the middle, the filling was watery, and the smell of rosemary had filled the entire downstairs. They had still eaten it because Haley had stood beside the table watching their faces with so much hope that neither of them could bring themselves to tell her the truth.
Phil had smiled through two bites, told Haley the flavor was "really developing," and then swallowed half a glass of water without breathing.
Claire had done slightly better. She had praised the effort, asked about the cooking class, and quietly moved most of her portion around the plate whenever Haley looked away.
Tonight mattered more than that practice dinner.
Jack had spent weeks in Georgia filming long days. He had flown into Los Angeles for the GQ shoot, spent nearly the entire day at the Studios, and still planned to come over because he wanted a few hours with Haley before returning to Georgia at six the next morning.
Claire knew Jack would eat whatever Haley served him. He would smile, ask for another piece, and tell her it tasted great because he loved her too much to embarrass her.
That was exactly what Claire was trying to prevent.
She adjusted the temperature on the warming tray and leaned closer to inspect the crust.
"Okay, stay warm and beautiful," Claire whispered. "Tonight, you're saving a relationship."
Claire straightened and looked toward the half-closed garage door as footsteps approached from outside. Someone ducked beneath the opening, and Alex entered carrying a paper shopping bag from a bookstore.
Alex stopped when she noticed the light, her mother standing beside the open trunk, and two finished pies hidden inside the garage. "What are you doing?" She asked, looking between Claire and the warming tray.
Claire's eyes widened, and she quickly raised one finger to her lips. "Keep your voice down, and close the garage before Haley hears us."
Alex turned around and lowered the door the rest of the way. She placed her shopping bag on top of the old washing machine, then walked closer to the car.
"Why are there two pies in your trunk?"
Claire glanced toward the door leading into the house before answering. They did a little upgrade last month, and now, they can go in and out of the garage from inside.
She said, "They're backup pies."
Alex looked at the warming tray. "You made Haley's dinner for her."
"I made two pies at Grandpa's house because your sister's practice dinner was completely inedible."
"We all know she can't cook," Alex said. "You and Dad still told her the practice pie was good."
Claire lowered her voice even further. "She worked hard on it, and she looked so proud. What were we supposed to say while she stood there waiting for us to take another bite?"
"You could've told her the truth before she made the same thing for Jack."
"What do you think she'd have done if we told her the truth?" Claire asked.
"Oh," Alex could imagine Haley spiraling too much after hearing all her efforts to cook were useless and then crying in Jack's arms, enjoying his attention and kisses while saying: 'I'm sorry. I tried really hard, but I just can't cook. Don't hate me. I promise I'll try harder.'
"Arg! I can imagine."
"Yeah. No one wants that."
"Right."
"So, keep Haley out of the garage, and we'll take turns keeping these pies safe from Luke and your dad," Claire said.
...
//Claire's Commentary//
Claire sat with the focused expression of someone coordinating a very small and unusually delicious military operation.
"Haley's trying really hard to learn how to cook, which is great. It's also why nobody can tell her she's bad at it. The second you criticize one thing, she hears, 'You'll never be a capable adult, and Jack is going to leave you for a woman who can cook.' Well, if she keeps this up, he might..."
Claire folded her hands in her lap.
"So I'm helping quietly, which would be much easier if I weren't also protecting two lamb pies from Luke. He's walked past the garage three times in twenty minutes, and each time he's invented a worse excuse for being there."
Her eyes narrowed.
"First he needed a screwdriver. Then he thought he heard a cat. We don't have a cat, and he was carrying a fork."
Claire leaned back with a satisfied smile.
"Tonight, Haley gets a romantic dinner, Jack gets food that won't require emotional bravery, and I get through one family evening without anybody crying."
She considered that for a moment.
"Phil might cry when he finds out there were pies in the garage, but I can live with that."
//Claire's Commentary End//
..
[7:00 PM]
The doorbell rang while Haley stood in the kitchen checking the lamb pie for the sixth time. She was satisfied with the result.
Her head snapped toward the front door.
"Here he comes."
She ran out of the kitchen before the second chime finished.
Alex followed a few steps behind her, moving with considerably less excitement. She had been waiting near the kitchen for a chance to replace Haley's pie with one of Claire's, but Haley hadn't left the room long enough for her to make a move.
The doorbell had finally created the opening she needed.
Alex glanced toward the hallway leading to the garage. Claire was still inside, guarding the two backup pies and waiting for a signal.
Before Alex could give her one, Haley pulled open the front door.
Jack stood on the porch in dark trousers, a white T-shirt, and a lightweight jacket. His hair still carried some of the careful styling from the GQ shoot, though the long day had loosened it enough to make him look more like himself.
He barely had time to smile.
Haley launched herself into his arms.
Jack caught her around the waist with a startled laugh as she wrapped both arms around his neck. The force of her jump pushed him back half a step, and one of his shoes nearly slipped off the edge of the welcome mat.
"Hey," Jack said as he steadied them both against the doorframe.
"Shut up and kiss me."
Haley kissed him before he could answer.
The kiss began gently, but after three weeks apart, their ability to stay calm had clearly weakened.
Emma called Haley earlier to tell her about the kissing scene with Jack they were going to film the next day. They had a quick chat, and Haley said she was fine with it since it was just acting and part of their job; she was used to it by now. Jack had also mentioned the scene to her before. However, she didn't know they were shooting it tomorrow. This news played a part in her aggressive kissing. She wanted to leave a strong impression on Jack so that when they filmed the kissing scene, he would think of her, not Emma.
Jack tightened his arms around her while Haley pulled him closer, and they bumped against the door frame without either of them caring.
Haley pushed her tongue into his mouth as he sucked on her tongue before pushing his tongue into her mouth as she sucked on him. The kiss became too messy, too fast.
Alex stopped and stared at them.
She had been looking for the perfect distraction.
Apparently, she had found one.
"Ew. Get a room, you two."
Haley pulled back just far enough to look over Jack's shoulder, though she kept both arms locked around his neck.
"Move along, single woman."
Alex folded her arms. "Really, now?"
"I missed him."
"You saw him a few weeks ago."
"That's a long time when you're in a serious adult relationship. Unlike certain someone..." Haley gave Alex a smirk.
"MOM!" Alex shouted. That was the signal, and this was her chance to keep Haley busy by doing a little fighting.
Before Alex and Haley could turn the doorway into a full argument, Phil walked in from the living room with his iPad tucked beneath one arm and Robo-Phil's remote in the other hand.
"Jack!" Phil said warmly as he walked toward them. "Welcome back. I'd hug you, but Haley appears to have claimed most of your upper body."
Jack and Haley finally pulled apart, though Haley kept one hand resting against his chest and leaned on his shoulder with a smile.
Phil held out his hand, and Jack shook it. "Good to see you, Mr. Dunphy."
"You too," Phil said as he gave Jack's hand an enthusiastic second shake. "Come inside. You've had a long day, and I've been told there's a homemade dinner waiting for you."
Alex's eyes widened slightly as she looked toward the kitchen. "Dad, why don't you show Jack the new thing you figured out on the iPad?"
Phil brightened immediately. "Oh, great idea. Jack, did you know I can control the television from this?"
Jack glanced toward Haley, who looked ready to drag him straight into the kitchen. "I didn't."
"You're about to witness the future," Phil said as he wrapped one arm around Jack's shoulders and guided him into the living room. "Or at least a future where I don't have to stand up when Luke loses the remote."
Haley followed them, still holding Jack's hand. "Dad, he's hungry."
"This'll only take a second."
"It never takes a second."
Phil looked offended. "Sometimes it takes less."
As Phil began explaining the app, Alex slipped away from the group and hurried toward the kitchen. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure Haley was distracted, then opened the door leading into the garage.
Claire was already waiting beside the warming tray with an oven mitt on one hand.
"Now?" Claire whispered.
"Now," Alex replied
And so, they somehow managed to change the pie without anyone noticing.
From the living room, Phil's voice carried through the house.
"And now, with one press, the television turns off."
The television remained on.
Phil pressed the screen again.
"Okay, sometimes it takes two presses."
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