Hey guys!
I'm still gonna do the jumpchain fic, but I think I'm gonna wait until the end of this arc. What do I mean by "this arc", well you'll see, but for now let's not worry about that and instead about someone called TheBones5. When I say this guy is fucking cracked at what he does, he is genuinely one of if not the best FNAFtuber in existence.
He beat EVERY FNAF GAME AT ONCE!! How do you even go about doing that!?!?!?
Enough glaze though, enjoy the show.
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Ambrosia…
In Greek Mythology ambrosia was the food of the Gods, granting immortality onto whoever ate it. This came with very costly requirements, however, as one needed to be a God or a demigod at best to even handle small amounts of it, a mortal eating it would disintegrate them instantly or something like that.
It is not a stretch of the imagination at all to say that Arby's was the equivalent of ambrosia in every single universe. Think about it, normal people don't like Arby's and say you'll die if you eat it, while really gig-chads like myself and many others can smell the allure of Arby's and simply can't get enough of it. We got big ass dicks and have a bunch of money as well.
"Lemme get uhhh… 5 Meat mountains, 4 turkey/prime rib combos and exactly 5 orders of curly fries and philly cheesesteaks." I say to the cashier who actually seemed very happy to be working in food service. You know what, I may not understand it, but it's his life, if he feels fulfilled giving people mass amounts of meat in their guts until they're full, that's him and I respect him for it.
"Alright sir, that's 5 Meat mountains, 4 turkey and prime rib combos and 5 orders of curly fries and philly cheesesteaks. You're number 65 and'll have it out in about 15 seconds." He said, a genuine smile on his face. That wasn't the only unnatural thing inside of here though, as for the first time in the existence of history this Arby's was genuinely packed full of people. Hell, I even had a little line behind me.
"Wait a minute, I don't need to pay?" I honestly don't know why I asked that, I'm about broke as shit.
"You must be new here, sir, this is heaven! You don't need to pay for anything."
DING
"And here's your order!" He said enthusiastically, handing me only a single bag. I looked at him skeptically before taking it, looking inside only to see that my entire order had somehow been compressed into this tiny little bag.
Am I curious about how this works?
Yeah
Do I honestly really care enough about it to not get munching?
Nah
Now that I've got my order, I just headed towards the door, munching on a meat mountain while I do so. I probably need to hurry up since if the angels and Charlie know that I'm gone, they'll probably start an argument which I'd hate to do right now. I'm still high so I'm probably not gonna take anything seriously, kinda like arguing with a dude that has a big butt.
I will never argue with a dude with a fat ass cuz what are we arguing for? I'm not listening to a word of grown man who's ass jiggles when they walk, it claps so hard you can use it as echolocation for God's sake. Can't no man with an ass so fat that it can be used as storage the same way women use their cleavage for the same thing tell me anything, no sir, no how.
Insert cough here Angel Dust and Lucifer insert cough here
Anyway, based on where they were going and praying to whoever is up here that they didn't take any turns or detours, then they should be–
SWOOSH
I leaned my head back slightly, avoiding a spear crashing down right where it would be and instead, embedding itself into the floor. With my byakugan and sharingan I knew that someone was trying to stalk me, but I didn't expect for them to try and kill me. Without even looking, I stepped back, dodging an overhead swing from above and seeing the person who tried to kill me slowly pick up their weapon.
…I think there's something in the air or something, cuz why the FUCK is everyone I meet so damn thicc!? The woman who was trying to kill me had shoulder-length white hair and grey skin, though I couldn't see her face as she was dressed as an exterminator. Ignoring that fact, she was deadass hot as fuck, child-bearing hips, fat ass-titties, fat ass ASS, man I could see it from the front! I could cry real tears right now. She had no mask as well, her face being revealed with an honest smile. She seemed Latina or mexican or whatever, I wasn't racist, I'd fuck anything if it looked like her.
To be honest, as much as I'm gassing this whole situation up, I'm not really taking it seriously. At this point I had a pretty good threat detection in my bag of tricks and I honestly feel like this woman couldn't even hurt me if she tried her heart out.
So while she charged at me, I just yawned, closing my eyes and taking out a couple of fries to chew on while she tried her little heart out. I grabbed the spear between two fingers, flicking it out of her hands and into mine where I just broke the tip off and let the shaft fall onto the floor in little shards.
I felt a little bad about whoever had to clean that up, but I was still kinda hungry so I lowkey didn't give a fuck about that.
After breaking her spear though, without even thinking she tried to engage me in hand to hand combat, something that she honestly shouldn't have done in the first place. Hell, I didn't even do anything this time, I just let her wail on me while finishing my fries. I figured she'd get tired eventually and when that happens…
THUMP
I just smacked her on the side of her neck to knock her out. I finished my meat mountain, savoring the godly flavors hitting my tongue before I simply grabbed her and put her on my shoulder in a fireman carry. I know she was gonna assassinate me and all, but no harm no foul…I also like feeling some ass near my face, so that also contributed a very small bit.
Damn, I'm horny. I know damn well I'm tearing up Niffty's pussy when I get home on God. I walk out the Arby's, woman still on my shoulder as I walk around and try to sense Charlie. Maybe if I can meet up with the rest of the angels, I could get some answers. I also need to do it fast, I can't just dillydally.
Man, am I getting sober now? Goddamnit, I can't even tell at this point. I'm never getting high with Lucifer again, man.
Hey, wait a minute, is saying the lord's name in vain illegal here? Am I gonna die–
SWOOSH
Are we really doing this again!?
***LUTE POV***
That damned sinner.
The ONE fucking day I get to have Adam to myself, the ONE fucking day that I don't have anything to do and we could just have a normal date HE comes in and FUCKS IT ALL UP! At first, I wasn't even going to kill him, I was going to wait until he was asleep and assassinate him then, but that all went through the window when Vaggie got dispatched easily.
As much as I hate to admit it, Vaggie wasn't a slacker at all. Yeah, she was soft as baby shit with that wack-ass sense of justice and would probably even spare a sinner if they looked innocent enough, but she's a damn fine soldier. I thought she couldn't even kill anything for a time and I was right, but when she got over that shit she became second to only me in the exorcist corps.
So when that sinner somehow easily beat her, I knew that I couldn't just fight him head on, I actually had to sneak around. I always knew that I was sneakier than the rest of the corps even if I was a better frontliner than most of them, so I had to make use of that to ambush this fucker.
Some may ask why I'm doing this, why I was so angry about Adam disappearing in the middle of our day out together, and to that I say they just don't get it. I was the first exorcist that he created from his feathers, I was the first person that he looked at with the same care he had for his family after the flood and World War 2, I was the one who knew him well enough.
So it sickens me when I see everyone up here not even knowing him.
Nobody ever understood Adam, nobody ever knew what it was like to be him. Nobody knew what it was like for your cheating bitch of a wife to throw you out of eternal paradise for the sameman, nobody knew what it was like to kill your son for the greater good, nobody knew what it was like to be alone like him…Not even I do.
But, if I can prove myself to him, if I can prove myself to me then I can stand right beside him. Friend, lover, daughter, all I know is that I don't want to disappoint him, all I know is that I crave his joy and only I can be the one who can do that. Not that bitch, Lilith, not that fucking faker Sera, not even Emily.
The only one who stands beside him…
Is me!!!
SWOOSH
He was walking on the street and right as he walked by an alleyway, I pounced. My spear was already poised at his neck, granting him an undeservingly swift death,however, that is not what happened.
"Are bitches just flying from the sky now?" He asked, seemingly slightly annoyed while blocking my spear with only a single finger. "Look, I dunno who you are and if this is your friend, but I know for a fact you just saw me no-diff her, why do you think you can do something?" He asked.
I paid it no mind, after all, sinners would say anything to get inside someone's head. I retracted my spear and kept trying, constantly pivoting my feet to try and gain some sort of momentum to break his block, but he still just casually blocked everything with that same bored look in his fuck-ass hetrochromatic eyes.
I haven't been using my full power so far, but after a few minutes I knew I would have to try and go all-out. I usually break my spear-tip if I try hard enough, but it's obvious that this guy was an Overlord. Speaking of, how the FUCK did an Overlord even get in Heaven.
Whatever, it doesn't matter.
Leaning back from another block, instead of going back in, I punched the ground as hard as I could. Even if everything gets repaired in a few minutes at best, the dust and dirt debris from the concrete still was able to be seen, which means that the sinner had a smoke-screen.
Without even thinking, I used all my might to swing my spear at his neck, attempting to chop it off, but…
"That's it?" Was the last thing I could hear before everything went dark.
***JAMES POV***
Jesus PH Christ, what the hell was even that? This one was definitely stronger than the one on my arm, but even though I let her get a free hit on my neck, it didn't even break the skin at all, it felt like a love-tap. I just rolled my eyes before directly punching her in her noggin hard enough to only knock her out.
"And this is our food and commercial district. Although things here don't cost money, the food that our angels serve under the guise of various restaurants is enchanted to taste like your favorite food constantly with your sense of it getting old being completely…Re…Moved…"
You guys wanna hear a joke?
What happens when you see two angels and a princess of hell meeting a high black man in an alley with two unconscious girls by his side?
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THE END
Not much to say, but speaking of my jumpchain fic in the first Author's note, I wanna get yall's opinion on the first jump.
At first I thought about Evangelion for a first jump, but that seemed way too high-level and serious for the smut-focused stuff I'm supposed to write. I got Deltarune, Avatar and FNAF as some options, but I wanna hear what you guys think.