I still wanted to escape.
Honestly, I had no idea how people managed conversations for this long.
Just sitting here and trying to respond appropriately felt more exhausting than studying for exams.
At least exams had answers.
People didn't.
I forced another smile.
Elara smiled back.
Then we both fell silent again.
...
...
...
The silence somehow became even more awkward.
I secretly glanced toward Mary.
She stood near the wall as calmly as ever.
Our eyes met.
I blinked once.
Then looked at the door.
Then back at her.
Mary's expression didn't change.
But somehow—
She understood.
A true lifesaver.
After all, she had been serving Seraphina for years.
Perhaps she was already fluent in whatever silent language noble ladies used to communicate.
Mary stepped forward gracefully.
"Lady Elara," she said politely.
Elara looked up.
"My lady still requires plenty of rest. The physician instructed us not to tire her too much."
"Oh."
Guilt immediately appeared on Elara's face.
Mary continued gently,
"It is also almost time for her medicine."
"Of course!" Elara quickly stood. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize we had been talking for so long."
Talking?
Half our conversation had been apologizing and awkward silence.
But I appreciated the effort.
"It's alright," I said.
Relief washed over me.
Not happiness.
Just relief.
Like finally being allowed to put down something heavy.
"I'll leave now," Elara said.
She looked at me carefully.
"I'm really glad you're awake, Seraphina."
For a moment, I didn't know how to respond.
Because I wasn't sure I felt the same way.
The words remained trapped in my throat.
So I simply nodded.
"I'll see you at the ball."
Elara smiled before leaving.
The doors closed behind her.
The room became quiet.
I stared at the door for a long time.
"Are you feeling unwell, my lady?" Mary asked softly.
I shook my head.
"No."
That wasn't it.
I was tired.
Not physically.
The kind of tired that sleep couldn't fix.
The kind that settled deep inside your chest and refused to leave.
The kind that followed you everywhere.
Even after death.
Or whatever this was.
I lowered my eyes.
Everyone here seemed happy that I was alive.
Mother.
Father.
Lucian.
Mary.
Even Elara.
They smiled when they saw me.
They worried when I looked pale.
They asked if I had eaten.
If I had slept.
If I was feeling better.
Such ordinary things.
Things nobody had ever asked me before.
And yet—
Every time they showed me kindness, a strange guilt twisted inside my chest.
Because none of it belonged to me.
It belonged to Seraphina.
The real Seraphina.
The daughter they loved.
The sister they cherished.
The friend they worried about.
Not me.
Sometimes I wondered if I was stealing her place.
Living a life that should have been hers.
When nobody was looking, those thoughts always returned.
Quietly.
Patiently.
Like shadows waiting in the corner of a room.
In my previous life, I believed dying would solve everything.
I believed the pain would finally end.
That the loneliness would disappear.
That I would finally be able to rest.
But now I wasn't so sure.
Because I had died.
And somehow—
I was still here.
Still breathing.
Still waking up every morning.
Still carrying the same questions.
What am I supposed to do now?
How do I live a life I never expected to have?
How do I become someone worth saving?
My fingers tightened slightly against my sleeve.
For the first time since opening my eyes in this world—
I realized I wasn't afraid of dying anymore.
I was afraid of living.
I thought I should at least try to act like Seraphina.
If I didn't, people might eventually start doubting me.
So I turned toward Mary.
"Mary."
"Yes, my lady?"
"What was I like before?"
Mary blinked.
"What do you mean, my lady?"
"I mean..." I hesitated. "How did I usually act? How did I talk?"
Mary seemed surprised by the question.
Then she smiled softly.
"You were very cute, my lady."
Cute?
That wasn't very helpful.
Mary continued.
"You were mischievous sometimes."
I stared at her.
Me?
Mischievous?
She nodded confidently.
"You often played harmless pranks on Lord Lucian and pretended to be innocent afterward."
That sounded dangerous.
"But you were also very mature," Mary added.
"You cared deeply about the people around you. The servants all liked you because you remembered their names and always asked how their families were doing."
I looked down.
That really did sound like Seraphina.
Someone warm.
Someone kind.
Someone completely different from me.
Mary hesitated for a moment before continuing.
"To be honest, most people in this mansion dislike the Crown Prince."
I looked up immediately.
"Really?"
She nodded.
"Everyone knows about the Emperor's promise. Everyone knows you and His Highness are expected to become engaged."
Her expression darkened slightly.
"But His Highness has never treated you properly."
I remained silent.
Mary continued carefully.
"He ignores you in public."
"He never escorts you to social events."
"And because of that, many nobles mock you behind your back."
My chest tightened.
Even though I already knew all of this from the novel.
Hearing it from someone who had witnessed it felt different.
Mary lowered her voice.
"The only person who openly stayed by your side was Lady Elara."
The heroine.
The best friend.
The girl loved by everyone.
"There were other young ladies who tried to approach you," Mary continued.
"But most of them were interested in the Ardent family's influence and wealth."
Not friendship.
Not affection.
Just benefits.
That was noble society.
A world where smiles could be genuine.
Or dangerous.
And sometimes—
It was impossible to tell the difference.