As I walked, the cold crept in deeper with every step. The street was far too exposed, the wind cutting straight through me. No matter how tightly I pulled my coat around myself, it did nothing.
Despite how desperately I'd wanted to cool down, this was too much, and I decided it was time to turn off somewhere quieter, somewhere less exposed. Somewhere, the wind wouldn't bother me so much.
I turned, walked a little, and then slipped onto a narrow street. It wasn't anywhere near a main road. The back doors of shops opened onto it, and bins were lined up along the sides. I knew it wasn't the most pleasant place for a stroll, but it was less windy.
I took a few steps and realised that the very street held its own set of memories.
Strange.
I'd barely thought of him, and yet today the memories kept coming back.
I remembered how I'd dragged him here simply because that day… it was a dreadful day.
A major meeting lay ahead, the fate of a significant deal resting on it. If anyone had seen me with him, it would've caused a scandal, and the deal would have fallen through without question. I couldn't allow that. It would have been far too reckless.
Let's be realistic. I was responsible for a great many people. Any mistake of mine could lead to bankruptcy, to thousands losing their jobs.
When he asked, I agreed to show him the city.
However, walking those streets, surrounded by people who might recognise me, with the added risk of reporters, it all had pressed in on me, though I managed it for a while.
I remembered the fear. How cowardly I was. Like a complete fool, dragging him into that alley.
I walked a little further now, trying to recall which one it had been. They all looked the same. Narrow, closed off.
Memory was a curious thing. A few months had passed, and some moments remained sharp, while others, the ones that should have stayed the clearest, had already begun to blur. Perhaps the more important they were, the more the mind chose to play tricks with them.
One of the things I remembered clearly was how hesitant and flushed red he was when he'd started to pull off that mask. Slowly. Very slowly.
There had been something in the air between us then, a strange sort of tension.
I wondered what was beneath it. A scar, perhaps.
I hadn't expected to see a handsome young man.
It had been the first time in my life when I truly noticed how beautiful a man could be, how striking he could appear. I'd never paid attention to such things before. At most, I might have thought someone looked quite good and would be attractive to many women.
That day, I thought it plainly. He was beautiful.
And for a moment, my mind went completely blank, driving me to close the distance between us, little by little.
I still couldn't understand it. So much time had passed, and I still hadn't grasped why I'd done it. What had come over me?
What would I have done if we hadn't been interrupted?
When I came to my senses, it was like waking from some strange haze. I'd been shocked. Shocked at myself, at what I'd been about to do. I'd wanted to… with a man.
The thought had affected me so deeply that I felt an urgent need to leave immediately. There was no telling where it might have led if we'd stayed.
I saw the disappointment on his face. I understood it. I knew exactly what I was doing. And, if I were entirely honest, the way he'd looked, disappointed, almost hurt, it had flattered me. It meant he'd wanted to stay, to spend more time with me.
Perhaps Michael wasn't the only one with a sadistic streak. There was something of it in me as well. That reaction stirred something within me.
A sudden gust of wind snapped me back, catching my coat and nearly pulling it open. I wrapped it tighter around myself. This coat was useless in weather like this. I ought to buy something better. Though who would have thought I'd end up wandering the streets instead of going home to rest.
I pulled out my phone. My fingers were frozen and clumsy. I barely managed to open the app to call a cab.
While I waited, it occurred to me that I had actually closed that deal. The company made millions. We'd expanded, grown larger. And yet I couldn't recall a single face from that meeting. Not the colour of the man's hair, not the look in his eyes as he signed the contract.
But I remembered, with perfect clarity, how beautiful a man could be.