"How would I know?" one voice complained irritably. "I don't have precognitive abilities."
Another voice quickly followed. "I do! If you resurrect me, I promise I can tell you exactly how many girls that guy has been fooling around with during this time."
A third voice chimed in excitedly. "While you're at it, resurrect me too! I can help you capture all those women. We'll chop them up and hang their bodies on the city walls so they rot in the Sun!"
There was a pause.
"Oh wait… there's no Sun here. Then forget it. I don't want to live anymore."
"Exactly!" another voice shouted from somewhere deeper in the darkness. "If someone lives without even being able to feel sunlight on their skin, what's the difference between that and being dead?"
A tired voice sighed. "Can you all shut up for once? I finally died thinking I would get some peace and quiet. But instead I still have to listen to all of you arguing every single day."
Another voice spoke mockingly.
"Where's that big purple Tengu of yours? Why not have him kill your little lover? That would solve your problem instead of asking about it constantly."
"I don't understand you," another spirit said coldly. "You're a Universe-level god. Why are you so obsessed with some insignificant life form in a remote corner of existence?"
"Hey!" the voice before him snapped angrily. "Say what you want, but don't make personal attacks!"
"Exactly!" someone else agreed. "You call him a low-level life form? You're acting so superior, but look at yourself. You're dead and stuck in the same well as the rest of us!"
Another spirit snorted.
"So high and mighty… yet here you are."
---
At the edge of the hall, Death sat quietly on her throne.
Her expression looked exhausted.
(ノへ￣)
She vaguely remembered that the Well of Infinity used to be a dignified place.
Whenever she asked it a question, it answered calmly and wisely.
It never caused trouble.
It never argued.
It never complained.
But that was before Deadpool showed up.
Ever since that red-and-black chatterbox had started visiting her realm, the well had turned into a chaotic gossip center. Ask it a question and it would ramble endlessly, while the countless souls trapped within it argued with each other like drunken philosophers.
Sometimes Death wondered if the well itself regretted gaining so much knowledge.
Suddenly, Death felt something.
Her expression brightened instantly.
The green flames burning inside her eye sockets flickered more energetically.
She knew that presence.
The next moment—
BOOM!
The enormous gates of Death's palace were violently kicked open.
A red-and-black figure burst inside dramatically, arms stretched wide.
"I'm here!" he shouted loudly. "Where's my bony beauty? My sweetie!"
Deadpool had arrived.
Death immediately stood up from her throne.
"My love… you're finally here!"
Her voice was filled with excitement.
She ran down the long staircase made of bone, moving with surprising speed, almost like a young girl rushing to greet someone she adored.
As she moved, something incredible happened.
Her skeletal body began changing.
Flesh slowly grew across the white bones.
Muscles formed.
Skin appeared.
By the time she reached Deadpool, the transformation was complete.
Standing before him now was a woman of breathtaking beauty.
Her skin was pale like moonlight on fresh snow.
Her emerald eyes shimmered like distant galaxies.
Below her eyes and lips were small black vertical marks that resembled exclamation points, giving her beauty an almost supernatural charm.
Deadpool stared.
Then he gasped.
"Wow."
Without hesitation, he pulled her into a fierce hug.
After a moment he held her shoulders and examined her carefully from head to toe.
There was only one thought in his mind.
No wonder Thanos went crazy.
That purple potato lunatic had wiped out half the universe just to impress her.
And now Deadpool understood why.
In all the memories of his two lifetimes, no woman had ever come close to her beauty.
"Sweetheart," Deadpool said sincerely, "you are unbelievably beautiful."
Death smiled gently.
"My love… you are very handsome as well."
She wasn't lying.
As Death, she didn't judge by appearance alone.
She could see the essence of a soul.
To her, Deadpool's soul was… unique.
It was like a swirling storm of madness, humor, darkness, and chaos.
A mind full of strange thoughts and ridiculous ideas.
And somehow…
She liked it.
"But honestly," Deadpool said suddenly, tilting his head, "I still prefer my bony beauty. Would it be possible to let her come out for a moment?"
Death blinked.
Then she smiled mischievously.
"If that's what you want…"
She raised her hand and covered half of her face.
When she lowered it again—
Half of her beautiful face had transformed into a white skeletal skull.
The other half remained stunningly human.
The contrast was shocking.
One side breathtaking beauty.
The other side pure death.
Deadpool inhaled sharply.
"Hissssss."
"Sweetheart," he whispered dramatically, "you are the perfect embodiment of the phrase Red Dust Skeleton."
It truly was.
Beauty and death.
Life and decay.
Existing in the same face.
Deadpool suddenly shook his head.
"It's a good thing comic readers can only see what the author draws," he said seriously. "Otherwise they'd go insane."
"They'd send razor blades."
"They'd kidnap the writer."
"They'd demand to be added into the story just so they could date you."
"I refuse to be number 118."
Death tilted her head.
"Perhaps number 1,111,118?"
Deadpool looked horrified.
"No way."
Death gently cupped his face with both hands.
Her emerald eyes glowed softly.
"My love," she said warmly, "with me… you will always be number one."
Deadpool froze.
For a moment he looked deeply moved.
Then he lifted the edge of her dress and wiped his tears dramatically.
"Thank you sweetheart," he sniffed. "Knowing I can cut the line makes me feel much better."
Death stared at him.
"..."
That was not what she meant.
But she had already grown accustomed to Deadpool's chaotic logic.
Instead of correcting him, she simply smiled.
"So," she said softly, "what are you waiting for?"
Deadpool grinned.
"I was waiting for you to say that."
He flipped his hand casually.
A roll of bandages suddenly appeared from his system space.
He slowly began unwrapping them.
"Today a friend named Claire taught me a new game."
Somewhere in another universe—
Claire screamed.
"I DID NOT!"
Death raised an eyebrow.
"Claire… I remember that name."
She lifted her left hand.
A small band-aid wrapped around her ring finger.
"It seems she taught you something last time as well."
Claire screamed again.
"I REALLY DID NOT!"
Deadpool narrowed his eyes.
"Are you jealous?"
Death leaned forward and kissed him lightly.
"Of course not."
---
[One Million Words Later]
---
In the Realm of Death…
Inside the enormous palace…
Before the mysterious Well of Infinity…
Deadpool sat cross-legged on the ground.
His expression was extremely serious.
He looked like a sage contemplating the mysteries of existence.
Even though Death herself leaned against him, occasionally teasing him and whispering in his ear, his expression did not change.
He looked calm.
Peaceful.
Wise.
A philosopher beyond mortal understanding.
He whispered softly.
"Form is emptiness… emptiness is form."
To him, beauty and bones were the same.
Life and death were illusions.
Everything was simply a red dust skeleton.
His thoughts drifted.
From the birth of the universe during the Big Bang…
To the four fundamental forces of physics…
From physics to philosophy…
From philosophy to the meaning of existence.
Then he began thinking about humanity's future.
Would civilization survive?
Would the universe eventually collapse?
What was the ultimate truth behind existence?
Then suddenly…
His thoughts drifted somewhere else.
He thought about Jill.
Then Alice.
Then Peyton.
Then Tony Stark.
Then Ethan.
Then Pepper.
He wondered how they were doing.
He wondered what had happened after he left.
He wondered whether he would ever see those worlds again.
For a moment…
Deadpool felt strangely quiet.
Then slowly—
His thoughts returned to the present.
He opened his eyes.
They were calm like an ancient well.
He stared at the Well of Infinity, the legendary entity said to contain every answer in the universe.
Then he asked the question that had been bothering him.
"Well… oh wise Well…"
"Do you know how blind people know they've wiped properly after going to the bathroom?"
The Well of Infinity was silent.
Three full seconds passed.
Then—
"???????????"
"What the hell?!"
"What kind of question is that?!"
"Blind people?! Wiping their butts?!"
"This question exceeds the limits of my knowledge!"
"I have been dead for tens of thousands of years and never even considered this!"
"This is blasphemy against the sacred Well of Infinity!"
"I… I think I might know?"
"No… I definitely don't know!"
"My Lady Death!" another voice shouted desperately. "Can you please control your man?!"
"Did he explode his brain earlier?!"
"This is ten thousand times worse than debating Dormammu's underwear color!"
"Maybe… they check by touch?"
"Or smell?"
"...No."
"I cannot continue this discussion."
"This well is ruined."
"We have all been polluted by this scoundrel."
"Even death cannot give us peace anymore!"
The countless souls inside the well argued endlessly.
But none of them could answer the question.
Finally—
A deep sigh echoed from the depths of the well.
It sounded like all souls speaking together.
"What a sin…"
Then the Well of Infinity fell into complete silence.
------------------------------------------
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