Chapter 201: Every Man's Dream
That day, Ethan was driving home from work when his phone rang.
"Hello?"
He smiled as he answered.
"Hey, Phoebe."
There was a brief silence on the other end.
"Wow," Phoebe said with exaggerated surprise. "You actually recognized it was me."
"Of course," Ethan replied with a perfectly straight face. "Your name showed up on caller ID."
"Oh, right."
Phoebe sighed dramatically.
"Technology really is the greatest enemy of romance."
Ethan laughed.
"Well then, Doctor," Phoebe said, her voice suddenly brightening. "I've got good news."
"My high notes are back!"
She deliberately stretched out the word back with obvious excitement.
"Really? That's fantastic!"
Ethan grinned.
"Congratulations! Phoebe Buffay, Queen of the High Notes, has officially returned!"
"Exactly!"
Phoebe laughed.
"I was just singing in the park. Even the pigeons on the lawn looked completely stunned."
"I'm jealous of those pigeons."
"They got to witness such a historic moment in person."
Phoebe chuckled, then her tone softened.
"So... are you busy right now?"
"Not at all," Ethan replied. "I just got off work and I'm driving home."
"Joey has a musical this Friday night—Freud."
She paused for a moment.
"He gave me two tickets. Would you like to come with me?"
"Absolutely."
Ethan didn't hesitate for even a second.
"Okay, it's a date."
Phoebe let out a small sigh of relief before trying to sound casual.
"I was worried..."
"...that maybe you'd forgotten about me."
Ethan blinked.
"How could I?"
"Really?"
"Really."
She took a quiet breath.
"Then... Friday night. Seven o'clock at the theater?"
"I'll be there."
Neither of them hung up immediately.
For a few seconds, all Ethan could hear was her gentle breathing.
"Ethan."
"Hm?"
Her voice suddenly became unusually serious.
"Next time..."
"...you can call me first."
Ethan smiled.
"Deal."
"I'm really not very good at waiting."
Phoebe admitted honestly.
"And if you're worried I'd say no..."
"I promise I won't."
"Understood."
Ethan chuckled.
"Next time, I'll be the one asking you out."
"Okay! Bye~"
The call finally ended.
Ethan lowered his phone, watching the stream of traffic ahead.
A warm smile slowly spread across his face.
---
Friday Evening
Ethan arrived at the theater ahead of schedule.
The entire Friends gang had shown up to support Joey's first major stage performance.
Including Ethan, there were six of them in total.
They settled into seats near the front, waiting for the curtain to rise.
Rachel excitedly flipped through the program booklet.
"Look! Look!"
"That's Joey's picture!"
"This is so exciting!"
Ethan smiled.
"Yeah."
"This is only the second time I've ever watched a friend's performance live..."
"...and I still can't believe I actually have actor friends."
"...And I still can't believe how low the barrier to becoming an actor apparently is."
Chandler, sitting beside him, replied with complete composure,
"You can always tell who's watching Joey perform for the first time."
"They're smiling... completely relaxed... blissfully unaware of what's about to happen."
Ethan laughed.
"Is it really that bad?"
Phoebe stared at the poster.
"I don't know about the show, but the exclamation marks in the title scare me."
She dramatically gestured toward it.
"This isn't just Freud."
"It's Freud!!!"
Ethan patted her gently on the back.
Phoebe naturally slipped an arm around him and leaned against his shoulder.
"Ooooh..."
The others immediately exchanged knowing looks, ready to tease them.
At that exact moment, the house lights dimmed.
Ross whispered,
"Shh... it's starting."
---
The stage lights came on.
Joey, playing Sigmund Freud, stood solemnly beside a woman lying on a couch.
"Hmm... Eva, we've made excellent progress today."
"Your problems have become much clearer."
Then followed several long moments of Joey's painfully earnest "acting."
The theater became unnervingly silent.
Ethan reached a conclusion.
As long as you were handsome...
...and fearless enough...
...you could apparently make a living as an actor.
Even if your acting was catastrophically awkward.
Watching Joey perform was very different from watching Penny sing.
Penny was an auditory disaster.
Joey was a visual catastrophe coupled with dialogue that made everyone cringe.
The common denominator...
...was unbearable secondhand embarrassment.
---
When the performance finally ended, everyone politely stood and applauded.
Strangely enough, Ethan discovered that after surviving the initial wave of embarrassment...
...he actually found the ending pretty funny.
If he simply treated Joey forgetting his lines as improvisational comedy...
...it was surprisingly entertaining.
Had Penny's performance permanently lowered my standards for terrible shows?
---
Joey waved enthusiastically to everyone before disappearing backstage with the rest of the cast.
The moment the actors left the stage...
The audience collectively let out a long sigh and collapsed back into their seats.
Joey and Penny really were well matched.
Not because of their acting skills...
...but because both of their performances produced exactly the same result.
Aside from family and close friends...
...only a handful of random audience members stayed until the end.
Rachel stared blankly at the ceiling.
"My God..."
"I feel personally attacked."
Monica rubbed her arms.
"Did anyone else feel like peeling off their own skin and taking a shower afterward?"
Ethan cautiously raised a hand.
"...Am I the only one who actually thought it wasn't that bad?"
Everyone turned to stare at him.
Feeling suddenly nervous, Ethan immediately spread his hands.
"I don't watch many live performances."
Privately, he wondered if Penny's singing had permanently increased his tolerance for bad entertainment.
---
For once, Chandler wasn't making jokes.
Instead, he stared toward the opposite side of the theater.
"Ross. Ethan."
"Ten o'clock."
Ross instinctively replied,
"It's only ten?"
"I swear it feels like two in the morning."
Ethan looked toward the left side of the theater.
"...Wow."
A beautiful woman sat quietly touching up her makeup.
Objectively...
Maybe a seven out of ten.
But her elegance and charm easily pushed her past a nine.
Chandler was utterly mesmerized.
Ethan nudged Ross.
Ross finally noticed.
"Ooooh..."
Chandler couldn't look away.
"She's absolutely perfect."
"The imaginary women in my fantasies suddenly seem short, bald, and overweight."
Monica shoved him.
"Go ask for her number!"
"She's alone!"
Chandler immediately shrank back.
"What am I supposed to say?"
"'Excuse me... blah blah blah...'"
Rachel encouraged him.
"She's just a normal person."
"You can do it."
Chandler shook his head.
"Come on."
"Me?"
"Seriously?"
"Ross, what do you think?"
Ross answered calmly,
"He doesn't have the slightest chance."
Chandler nodded.
"Thanks, buddy."
Ethan analyzed the situation.
"Chandler."
"Think about it."
"If you walk over there, only two things can happen."
"She says yes."
"Or she says no."
"That's basically fifty-fifty."
He paused dramatically.
"But..."
"If you're brave enough to ask her twice..."
"...your odds become one hundred percent."
"So go."
Phoebe eagerly added,
"Besides, haven't you noticed?"
"Beautiful women are always dating complete idiots."
"You could absolutely become one of them."
Chandler froze for three seconds.
"...You guys really think I have a chance?"
Everyone answered together.
"Absolutely!"
Taking a deep breath, Chandler stood up.
"Fine!"
"I wasn't going to do this..."
"...but you're forcing me!"
Ross slapped him encouragingly.
"Go!"
"Go!"
Nervously, Chandler walked toward the woman.
---
At that moment, Joey emerged from backstage.
Everyone immediately called out in perfect unison.
"Hey!"
"You were great, Joey!"
Joey beamed.
"So?"
"What did you think?"
The group fell silent.
Then answered together again.
"Hey!"
"You were great, Joey!"
Joey sighed.
"Come on, guys."
"It couldn't have been that bad."
"At least this time you could actually see my face."
"Yep."
"We definitely saw your face."
Everyone nodded enthusiastically.
Just then—
Chandler came sprinting back.
"She said yes!"
"She actually said YES!"
He immediately high-fived Ethan.
Ethan happily returned it.
Then Chandler turned to Joey.
"Oh, by the way..."
"Your play was terrible."
Joey merely shrugged, clearly not offended.
Still grinning, Chandler continued.
"Her name's Aurora."
"She's Italian."
"She said I was adorable."
"And the way she pronounced my name..."
"'Chaaandlerrr...'"
"Nice!"
Everyone genuinely celebrated for him.
Then Chandler pulled out a business card.
"Oh."
"A theater employee asked me to give this to you."
Rachel leaned over curiously.
"What's that?"
Joey read it aloud.
"Estelle Leonard Talent Agency."
He blinked.
"Wait..."
"A talent agency?"
"They want to sign me?"
Phoebe blinked.
"...After that performance?"
Ethan immediately pinched her lightly at the waist.
Phoebe instantly corrected herself.
"I mean..."
"Precisely because of that performance!"
"You've finally received the recognition you deserve!"
Joey proudly puffed out his chest.
"I knew it!"
"Eventually I'd meet someone who truly understood art!"
---
The audience gradually dispersed as the theater emptied.
Everyone headed home.
A cool evening breeze drifted through the streets beneath the glow of the streetlights.
Phoebe pulled her coat a little tighter and looked up at Ethan.
"Sorry..."
"Today's performance..."
"...was pretty awful."
"I liked it."
Ethan smiled back at her.
"Especially the opening song."
"It was surprisingly catchy."
"I can't get it out of my head."
"Liar."
Phoebe laughed.
Ethan sighed dramatically.
"Nobody believes me when I tell the truth anymore."
They stood quietly for a moment.
Something subtle lingered in the air.
Then Phoebe suddenly said,
"You know..."
"Normally..."
"...the third date is the best time to get intimate."
Ethan blinked.
"Wait..."
"So today was... only our second date?"
"Yep."
She nodded seriously.
"People usually don't get intimate on the second date."
"...Right."
Ethan swallowed.
"Well..."
"Science does support delayed gratification."
"And..."
"It's getting kind of late."
"True."
Phoebe nodded.
"And we're both a little tired after the show."
"Exactly."
Ethan continued with mock seriousness.
"Studies suggest that becoming intimate on the second date may reduce anticipation."
"But waiting until the third..."
"...strengthens long-term relationship bonding."
Phoebe narrowed her eyes.
"You literally just made that up, didn't you?"
"It's science."
Ethan answered with complete confidence.
"Really?"
She leaned closer, lowering her voice.
"...Although..."
"If someone simply couldn't resist..."
"...we could always ignore science."
"...Huh?"
Ethan's heart skipped a beat.
"So..."
"Should we—"
"But..."
Phoebe interrupted calmly.
"It's getting late."
Ethan froze.
"Not really!"
"It's only eleven-forty!"
"Only middle-aged people go to bed before midnight!"
"But we're tired after the show."
"...Uh..."
"And didn't science say getting intimate on the second date weakens anticipation?"
She slowly repeated his own words.
"The third date strengthens emotional attachment."
"...Right."
Ethan sighed.
"Let's respect science."
"Good."
Phoebe nodded approvingly.
He looked at her.
"So..."
"We should probably schedule that third date as soon as possible?"
"That's up to you."
She shrugged.
"You could call me right now and ask me out for tomorrow."
Ethan laughed.
"Tomorrow, then?"
Phoebe pretended to think.
"...Hmm."
Three seconds later...
"Okay."
"Great."
"I'll come find you first thing tomorrow."
Phoebe narrowed her eyes, smiling with satisfaction.
"Very good, Doctor."
"You're making progress."
She rose onto her tiptoes and lightly kissed his cheek.
"See you tomorrow."
With a wave, she turned and walked away.
Ethan remained standing there...
Already looking forward to tomorrow.
---
The next day, Ethan and Phoebe met as usual at Central Perk.
The biggest problem with falling in love...
...was that both people already knew exactly what was going to happen...
...yet somehow still had to wait until nighttime.
Meanwhile...
Chandler sat in the middle of the couch, enthusiastically recounting his "romantic adventure" with Aurora.
"Everything started perfectly."
"Candlelit dinner."
"Deep eye contact."
"That Italian accent..."
Everyone wore knowing smiles.
Then Chandler reached the part where Aurora casually mentioned...
...that she was already married.
"Oh..."
The group collectively sympathized.
Then came the next revelation.
Aurora also had another boyfriend.
"WHAT?!"
Everyone shouted at once.
Ethan couldn't help asking,
"Hold on."
"If she already has a husband..."
"...and a boyfriend..."
"...what exactly are you?"
Chandler shrugged.
"She said..."
"...ours is mostly a physical relationship."
Monica looked at him sympathetically.
"That's terrible."
"I'm sorry your date didn't work out."
Chandler frowned.
"What do you mean didn't work out?"
"I'm seeing her again tomorrow."
"Weren't you listening?"
Monica stared at him in disbelief.
"No."
"I think you weren't listening to yourself."
She raised her voice.
"This is ridiculous!"
"Why would you keep dating a married woman who's already seeing someone else?"
Chandler answered earnestly.
"I couldn't understand it at first either."
"But then I realized..."
"There are literally no downsides."
"I have companionship."
"I'm happy."
"I get laid."
"And best of all..."
"...I don't have any responsibility."
Leaning back comfortably, he declared,
"Honestly..."
"...it's every man's dream."
Phoebe immediately tilted her head.
"Oh?"
She turned toward Ross and Ethan.
"Ross?"
"Ethan?"
"Is that your dream too?"
The two answered almost simultaneously.
"No."
"Of course not."
Two seconds later, Ross cleared his throat.
"...Actually."
"...Yes."
Ethan coughed awkwardly.
"Morally speaking..."
"...it's obviously problematic."
"But..."
"...in real life..."
"...it might be difficult to turn down."
Monica stared at them in disbelief.
"What?"
"So you'd honestly be okay dating someone who's already involved with other people?"
Joey suddenly raised his hand.
"I wouldn't."
Monica's eyes lit up.
"See?"
"Joey's the good man here!"
Joey nodded matter-of-factly.
"When I'm with a woman..."
"...I need to make sure I've slept with more women than she has men."
Silence.
Ross cleared his throat and automatically slipped into museum lecturer mode.
"Well..."
"Strictly speaking..."
"Monogamy is actually a very complicated social construct."
"From an anthropological perspective, it wasn't humanity's original system—"
Everyone immediately collapsed dramatically across the couches.
Chandler pretended to fall asleep.
Monica rested her head on the table.
Joey began snoring loudly.
Ethan looked around...
Then simply leaned onto Phoebe's shoulder and closed his eyes.
Ross stopped talking.
"...Are you all serious?"
Nobody answered.
Ross sighed helplessly.
"Fine."
"Then you'll never learn this fascinating piece of knowledge."
Monica instantly sat upright.
"We were kidding!"
"Tell us!"
Ross ignored her.
Now everyone pleaded together.
"Please!"
Ross finally nodded with satisfaction.
"As I was saying..."
"In early hunter-gatherer societies, many human groups practiced relatively loose pair-bonding structures..."
"Because resources were shared, biological parentage wasn't considered particularly important—"
"Zzz..."
This time...
Including Ethan...
Everyone simultaneously collapsed again.
The sound of exaggerated snoring filled the coffee shop.