Refusal was not an option.
As a Loyal subject of the crown I did not have the right to refuse. I knew the reason for his decree. The New King just came to power after the death of his older siblings, His power and influence is Delicate and he needs a support which can solidify it. And I was his best bet.
But, That did not make it any better, It does not the fact that I have to or rather, am forced to marry a woman whom i barely knew. But Refusal was betrayal.
And So, I had to go through with it. I stood at the altar with a woman I did not love, wearing the mask of a loyal subject.
But... I could not give up on her, either.
So, i continued my relationship with Naty. Fortunately, she did not push me, a now married man, away either.
People can Call me a Cheating Scum, a man without honor. But i could not give up, I did not care. If the price of honor, the requirement for Honor requires me to keep my distance from her, Then such honor has no use for me. I reject such an honor!
I even offered her the position of second wife. It was a shameless proposal, I know. It was my desperate attempt to give her a legal Position for my selfish desire to have her by my side, in open public.
And also, making a commoner my second wife would not bring as much trouble.
But as usual, she refused again.
And, just like that my life of a Dishonorable cheating scum went on.
Soon Gilda became pregnant. The palace cheered. The people celebrated. But I... I could not find happiness in it.
I did not know exactly why but i could not be happy. It felt like a further tether to a life I never wanted.
A few months later, Naty also got pregnant.
This time too, I was not happy or rather, I was unhappy. I was ...afraid.
But not for the reasons that one might imagine.
The reason was her body and her illness. Her terminal illness was a ticking clock, and a pregnancy was a massive drain on a constitution that was already failing. Every day she grew heavier with child was a day she grew lighter in spirit.
If not for that, i knew i would be happy. As happy as Naty.
Soon, the matter of Naty and me was exposed to Gilda. It seemed like a servant had ratted us out. But, i couldn't find out who.
I expected Gilda to make trouble and even use the Royal family's name but she did not make any mess.
She didn't say anything. Nothing at all.
"I do not blame You. I was the Uninvited guest, after all." That was all she had said.
Not long after, another Royal decree arrived ordering me back to the borders again.
At some point, I suspected if this was a move from Royalty by Gilda's plan to harm Naty when I would be absent.
So, I took no chances. i prepared an entirely different mansion for Naty and told Hema to put only the most trusted servants in the mansion. Only then did I ride for the North.
I went to the battlefield and after seeing the situation, i understood that the Decree, perhaps had nothing to do with Gilda and was genuinely due to this difficult situation.
I spent half a year on the battlefield. At this point I was already an S-Rank powerhouse.
Quite an achievement for someone of my age.
A few days after returning home, Gilda gave birth. It was a son and this time, Adrien. His name was Adrien.
Despite my coldness toward the marriage, when I held the boy, a genuine spark of fatherly joy flickered in my chest. He was innocent of the politics that created him.
I was genuinely happy when i saw the little one.
And after a few months, it was Naty's turn to give birth.
******
I sat on a hard wooden bench in the hallway, the shadow of the evening stretching long and jagged across the floor. The mansion was quiet—unnervingly so. Except for the noise of Commotion and Screams of Naty, coming from the room opposite of me.
I was nervous. It was a cold, vibrating dread. I was Way more nervous than when it was Gilda's turn But I know.
I know that This was not a nervousness for the baby or for being a father. It wasn't the healthy anxiety of a father awaiting his child.
It was my nervousness for what's to come later, After the birth. It was the terror of the aftermath. I was a man watching a candle flicker in a gale, knowing the wick was almost gone.
Then, through the heavy oak door, came a sound. A sharp, thin cry. The first breath of a new life, The crying of a Baby.
"Duke! It's a girl..." Soon A maid came out of the room and said but her voice didn't carry any excitement or anything as such.
Her expression was gloomy, her eyes darting away from mine. "But Nalia..."
Nalia was the fake name that Naty has been using during her time as a maid.
I know what she wanted to say.
I entered the room, ignoring the maid. the smell of iron and medicinal herbs hitting me like a physical blow.
The room was unnervingly silent. Even the newborn had fallen into a quiet, exhausted sleep right beside her mother. The only sound was the frantic, shallow wheezing of a woman who had given everything she had left to bring a soul into the world.
"Theo, She..." Hema stood by the bedside, her hand resting on the silk sheets. She looked up as I entered, her eyes red-rimmed.
I raised a hand, a sharp, silent gesture that cut her off. I didn't want words to understand the situation.
I took slow steps, as if afraid of making a sound and waking up the only asleep living being, in the room, mercifully unaware that her first breath was her mother's last.
"You're ...here." Naty who was lying with a pale face whispered looking at my approaching figure. Her voice was a dry rasp, stripped of its usual melodic tease.
Yes, this is the moment for which I've been mentally preparing myself for.
For the past more than a year time, that she has spent here with me, I've been searching for a cure of her illness but failed.
This was also the reason I was not happy at the news of her pregnancy.
Because both of us expected this. She would not make it out through the delivery day.
There's a high-level priest beside Hema who is trying to hold her life by supplying her with divine power or Shen. But i can tell by his pale face that even he is about to give up.
I had made the offer, even pleaded, to end her pregnancy multiple times during the first month but she had refused. And I didn't want to press my Will on her with force.
And I am paying for it Now. For not being selfish enough.