I deactivated the Haki. The black metallic sheen faded from my fist, returning to normal skin color.
"Useful," I grinned. "Very useful."
I crawled back into the burrow. The air inside was thick with the smell of damp earth and Sasuke's feverish sweat.
Karin was sitting exactly where I left her, knees pulled to her chest, staring at the entrance. When I crawled in, her eyes snapped to me.
"Kenji-kun..." she whispered. "Your chakra... it felt hard just now. Like... armor."
"It's a new trick," I sat beside her, checking Sasuke's temperature. He was burning up, thrashing in his sleep.
"Is he... going to turn into a snake?" Naruto asked, poking Sasuke's cheek.
"No, he's just downloading a software update," I swatted Naruto's hand away. "Don't poke the emo. He bites."
Sakura was changing the wet rag on Sasuke's forehead. She looked exhausted. Her eyes were red from crying.
"Kenji," Sakura sniffled. "We have to protect him. Orochimaru said he would come back... or send others."
"Don't worry, Sakura," I leaned back, resting my hands behind my head. "I bought insurance."
Suddenly, Karin stiffened.
She gasped, her glasses sliding down her nose.
"Enemies!" Karin whispered, her voice trembling. "Three of them! They're right above us!"
"Fast," I muttered. "The Sound Village delivery service has arrived."
[Observation Haki: Ping.]
I felt them. Three signatures. Spiky. Aggressive.
Dosu. Zaku. Kin.
"Sakura, Naruto," I said calmly. "Stay here. Guard Sasuke. Karin, keep your head down."
"Where are you going?" Sakura asked.
"To take out the trash."
I crawled out of the tunnel just as a massive explosion rocked the earth.
[The Clearing - Surface]
BOOM.
The camouflage bushes were blown away by a blast of pressurized air. Dirt rained down.
I stood in the center of the clearing, dusting off my shoulder.
Standing opposite me were three ninjas wrapped in bandages.
Dosu Kinuta (The Mummy with the speaker). Zaku Abumi (The Guy with holes in his hands). Kin Tsuchi (The Girl with the bells).
"Found you," Dosu hissed, his voice distorted by the metal speaker on his face. "We are here for Sasuke Uchiha."
"Take a number," I yawned, picking my ear. "The line starts behind the snake, the fangirls, and his brother. You guys are currently number... seventy-two."
Zaku stepped forward, smirking. "You're the guy Orochimaru mentioned. The one with the pepper spray. He said you were annoying."
"I prefer 'memorable'," I corrected.
"Hand over Sasuke," Dosu commanded, stepping forward. "Or we will kill you."
"You know," I looked at them. "You guys are the Sound Village, right? Oto-nin?"
"Correct."
"Then why do you dress like you raided a hospital's dumpster?" I pointed at their bandages. "Is that a fashion statement? Or are you just unraveling?"
"Die!" Zaku roared.
He raised his hands. Air tubes protruded from his palms.
"Decapitating Airwaves!"
A blast of supersonic air pressure shot toward me. It was enough to shatter rock.
In canon, this would blow me away.
But I wasn't canon Kenji.
[Skill: Armament Haki (Hardening)]
I didn't dodge. I raised my right arm.
SHING.
My skin turned jet black.
BOOM.
The air blast hit my forearm. Dust exploded around me. The ground cracked.
But when the dust settled...
I was standing there. My arm was still raised. Not a scratch.
"What?!" Zaku's jaw dropped. "He blocked it?! With his bare arm?!"
"That tickled," I grinned, checking my Haki. It held up perfectly against C-Rank wind jutsu.
"My turn."
I flickered.
[Skill: Body Flicker + Elastic Chakra]
I appeared right in front of Zaku.
"You have holes in your hands," I noted. "That seems unsanitary."
I pointed my index fingers at his palms.
[Bungee Gum.]
I shot two wads of pink gum directly into his air tubes.
Splat. Splat.
"What the—?!" Zaku tried to shake it off. "Get it off!"
"Try firing now," I dared him.
"You think gum can stop me?!" Zaku yelled. He channeled chakra. "I'll blow your arm off!"
He fired.
But the exit was blocked.
The air pressure built up inside his arms. It had nowhere to go.
CRUNCH.
"GAAAAAHHH!"
Zaku screamed as his own jutsu backfired, blowing out the back of his elbows. His arms hung limp, smoking.
"Basic plumbing," I tutted. "If you plug the pipe, the pressure bursts the weakest point."
"Zaku!" Kin screamed.
She threw senbon needles at me. Bells rang, creating a genjutsu distortion.
[Genjutsu: Ringing Vision.]
My vision blurred. Multiple Kins appeared.
"Genjutsu?" I laughed. "Cute."
[Passive: Gamer's Mind - Immunity.]
The illusion shattered instantly. I ignored the clones and looked at the real girl hiding behind a tree.
"Found you."
I extended my hand.
[Skill: Steal.]
Yoink.
Kin felt a draft.
She looked down.
Her flak jacket and mesh armor were gone. She was standing there in her bandages and underwear.
"KYAA!" Kin shrieked, covering herself. "MY CLOTHES!"
I held up her armor. "Trade? You stop throwing needles, I give you back your dignity?"
"PERVERT!" She threw another needle.
"Have it your way," I sighed.
I flicked a pebble.
[Skill: Elastic Chakra - Snap.]
The pebble accelerated like a bullet.
THWACK.
It hit her right in the forehead. She rolled her eyes back and collapsed.
"Two down," I dusted my hands.
I turned to Dosu. The leader.
Dosu wasn't panicking. He was analyzing.
"You..." Dosu's visible eye narrowed. "You possess a bloodline limit? That black skin... Earth Release: Diamond Body?"
"Something like that," I lied. "So, Mummy-Man. You're the smart one. Do you really want to do this? Your friend blew his own arms off, and your girl is taking a nap."
Dosu raised his gauntlet. The speaker hummed.
"Sound is unblockable," Dosu stated calmly. "Even diamond can be shattered by resonance. My Melody Arm attacks the inner ear. You cannot harden your eardrums."
He rushed me.
"Die."
He swung his gauntlet at my head.
I didn't dodge.
He hit me.
GONG.
A massive sound wave erupted point-blank against my skull.
Sasuke (in canon) threw up from this. Rock Lee was incapacitated by this.
But me?
I smiled.
[System Item: High-Fidelity Earplugs (Noise Cancellation 100%).] [Cost: 50 SP.]
I had bought them the moment I sensed them.
I stared at Dosu. He stared at me.
"..."
"..."
"Did you do something?" I asked loudly. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Dosu froze. "Impossible... you took a direct hit to the equilibrium..."
"MY TURN!"
I coated my fist in Haki again.
[Busoshoku: Hardening.]
I punched his metal gauntlet.
CRUNCH.
Metal crumpled like paper. My fist went through his speaker weapon and connected with his face.
POW.
Dosu flew backward, spinning in the air before crashing into a tree.
"Strike!" I cheered.
I stood over the three defeated Sound Ninja.
[System Notification] [Combat Complete: The Sound Trio.] [Rating: S (Flawless Victory).] [Reward: 2,000 Shameless Points.] [Reputation: The Mummy Breaker.]
"Too easy," I sighed, cracking my neck.
Suddenly, I heard clapping.
"MOST YOUTHFUL!"
I turned around.
Standing on a branch above the clearing was a boy in green spandex with eyebrows thick enough to be endangered species.
Rock Lee.
"That was magnificent!" Lee jumped down, landing in a pose. "You defeated them with such vigor! Such passion! Especially the part where you plugged his tubes with gum! Genius!"
"Yo, Lee," I waved. "You're late. I already cleaned up."
Lee looked at the unconscious ninja. Then he looked at me. His eyes burned with flames.
"Kenji-kun! I challenge you!"
"Not now, Lee," I groaned. "I'm tired. And I have to interrogate the mummy."
I walked over to Dosu, who was groaning, trying to stand up.
I crouched down.
"Hey," I whispered. "Orochimaru sent you, right?"
Dosu glared at me. "I... will tell you nothing..."
"Wrong answer."
I held up a bottle.
[Item: The Transparency Spray.]
"If you don't talk," I threatened, "I will spray this on your bandages. They will become invisible. You will be naked. And I will take pictures and post them on the Bingo Book."
Dosu's eye widened in sheer horror. To her, bandages were like skin.
"You... you are a demon..." Dosu trembled.
"I will take it as a complement," I said. "Now, tell me everything. What is the snake planning?"
[Shameless Points: +500 (Intimidation Success).]
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