"Would you like to enter the game using your default character, Uchiha Obito?"
Once Obito opened his eyes, the glitching Sasuke NPC finally stopped repeating his cursed audio loop and delivered a system prompt.
"Default character? Does that mean the real-world version of me? If I can enter using my default character, then I can choose someone else too?"
Obito rubbed his chin and began analyzing the digital interface.
The legendary wisdom of the foolish Uchiha was operating at maximum capacity!
"Can I enter the game as Hatake Kakashi?" he asked experimentally.
"Would you like to enter the game using Hatake Kakashi?"
"It actually works?" Obito hesitated, then selected No.
He boldly proceeded to test whether he could use Uchiha Madara or the Sage of Six Paths.
"Uchiha Madara and the Sage of Six Paths are SSR-Rank limited characters. Please enter the game and explore the world to unlock them."
"?"
What the hell did that mean?
Obito didn't understand the gacha terminology.
What did it mean to "explore and unlock" them after entering the game?
Could he switch characters later?
After struggling with the decision for a while, Obito ultimately chose to enter as Kakashi.
He knew almost nothing about video games.
However, he had occasionally seen people playing those clunky arcade machines back in Amegakure.
According to his shallow understanding of the medium, game characters could revive endlessly after dying.
If that was true, his defensive intangibility might not be particularly useful here.
Kakashi's Kamui, which specialized in lethal long-range attacks, would help him clear the game much faster and escape the genjutsu.
Unfortunately, Obito had relied on his overpowered Mangekyō for so long that he developed the supreme illusion that his actual combat skill was impressive.
A burst of brilliant digital light flashed.
Obito materialized inside a familiar wooden bedroom.
'This was... Kakashi's house?'
When they were children, Obito and Rin had often come here to freeload on Kakashi's grilled fish.
He knew the layout extremely well.
At the same time, a glowing virtual screen popped up before him.
[Beginner Quests: Complete the beginner-village quests "A Father's Guidance," "A Friend of the Uchiha," and "Defeat Your Rival."]
[After completing the Beginner Quests, you will leave the beginner village and receive the reward: Bond Resonance - Kakashi, permanently unlocking Kakashi's corresponding skill set.]
[Current Quest: A Father's Guidance]
[Quest Details: ...]
"ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!"
Before Obito could even finish reading the quest description, a murderous whisper hissed directly behind him.
A bolt of agony shot through his asshole.
His entire body launched straight upward like a rocket, slammed brutally into the ceiling, and then crashed heavily back onto the floorboards.
"Kakashi, you failed again! It appears your battlefield vigilance and reaction speed are still severely lacking."
Hatake Sakumo pulled out a tissue, wiped his fingers, and walked coldly over to Obito, staring down at him with the chilling gaze of an elite assassin.
Only then did Obito finally see the full quest description load on the screen.
[Quest Details: Pass your father Hatake Sakumo's survival test by successfully dodging the White Fang of Konoha's 'One Thousand Years of Death' once.]
"..."
Obito's face went deathly pale.
Was this the hellish domestic training Kakashi had endured as a child?!
Had he known, he would have proudly chosen his own character instead!
Although Obito had brought all his real-world ninjutsu knowledge and combat experience into the game, his physical stats were still restricted to those of the young Kakashi.
His elemental affinities also differed.
He could not use a single one of Kakashi's signature Lightning Release techniques.
At most, he could awkwardly perform some basic Fire Release.
Not that ninjutsu would be particularly useful for this absurd mission anyway.
The objective was not to exchange a few blows with the White Fang in a direct battle.
It was to successfully dodge One Thousand Years of Death just once!
Honestly... forget using Kakashi's frail childhood body in this digital illusion.
Even in the real world, if Obito could not spam his intangibility, he would severely struggle to avoid more than a few assassination attempts from the legendary White Fang of Konoha.
The only comforting fact was that his current identity was Kakashi—Sakumo's beloved son—and not an enemy combatant.
Sakumo would not use his full strength or try to actually kill his own child.
That gave Obito a tiny sliver of a chance.
"Come on. Let's go eat." Hatake Sakumo's terrifying aura vanished.
He smiled warmly and pulled Obito to his feet.
"Mm."
Obito immediately began racking his brain for a way to break through the situation.
Temporary physical training would be completely useless.
This could only be solved through strategy!
Still distracted, Obito followed Sakumo to the dining table, knelt on a cushion, and prepared to eat.
He had to admit, the illusion felt incredibly realistic.
Back in the dark prison cell, he hadn't felt hungry or thirsty at all. The moment he arrived here, both biological sensations returned immediately.
He even suddenly felt the urgent urge to take a shit.
Obito ate his rice while brainstorming survival ideas, then excused himself and headed toward the bathroom.
...
A few seconds later—
A miserable, bloodcurdling scream echoed from inside the bathroom.
"This is too much! This is completely inhuman!"
Close to tears, Obito emerged from the toilet while heavily supporting himself against the hallway wall.
The mighty White Fang of Konoha had ruthlessly attacked him while he was using the bathroom!
Sakumo had used the Earth Release: Double Suicide Decapitation Technique to drag himself beneath the plumbing, where a carved wooden dummy hand had already been precisely positioned to perform One Thousand Years of Death from below the seat!
"Kakashi, don't blame me. The sheer cruelty of the battlefield exceeds anything you can possibly imagine. The more suffering you endure now, the less you'll suffer in the future." Hatake Sakumo approached with a warm towel and gently, lovingly wiped the cold sweat from Obito's pale face.
"..."
Debatable.
Obito admitted the words sounded profoundly reasonable at first, but in reality, they were complete bullshit.
Kakashi had not suffered any less in the future!
This was clearly a twisted case of: As long as you're willing to suffer, there will always be endless suffering waiting for you.
...
After being struck by One Thousand Years of Death several more times throughout the afternoon, Obito finally gathered some useful intelligence.
First, Hatake Sakumo genuinely loved Kakashi.
The fatherly comfort he offered after every devastating sneak attack was completely sincere.
It was not deliberate mockery or crocodile tears. That meant Obito could emotionally exploit it.
Second, what he needed most was a reliable way to know where Sakumo was hiding and when he intended to strike.
Only then would Obito have enough warning to react.
But how could he do that?
'Got it!'
Obito suddenly remembered his current avatar.
He was playing as Kakashi!
Only Obito, with his extraordinary childhood insight, had ever recognized that the young Kakashi was secretly a shameless degenerate hiding beneath his mask.
Kakashi would not reveal his true perverted nature to everyone else for another ten or twenty years.
At this point in the timeline, everyone in the village viewed the boy as a perfectly obedient, stoic genius.
Obito could absolutely take advantage of that pristine reputation!
Once he finalized his master plan, he acted immediately.
Obito sneaked out of the house, went straight to the Hokage Building, and requested a meeting with the Third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen.
"Hehe, Kakashi. What brings you here?" Hiruzen took a long puff from his pipe and smiled kindly at the village's brightest young prodigy.
"Lord Third, could you use the Telescope Technique to strictly monitor my dad and lend me the crystal ball for a while?" Obito stated his absurd request with a perfectly straight face.
"Huh? Why? Did something happen to Sakumo?" The Third Hokage froze, asking in genuine confusion and mild alarm.
"Yesterday, I accidentally found a hidden swimsuit photo of Chiyo from Sunagakure tucked inside my dad's bedroom drawer. I strongly suspect my mother's death traumatized his psyche and awakened some highly disturbing preferences, so I need the crystal ball to investigate him."
"Pfft—WHAT?!"