A few minutes later, Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Madara appeared in the bathroom of the small house, standing face-to-face under the shower.
The bathroom was designed in a curious way.
It was almost like those side-by-side squat toilets at internet cafes—two showerheads installed directly opposite each other on opposite walls.
It looked deliberately prepared for two people.
Hashirama and Madara were definitely NOT taking a "couple's bath."
As mentioned before, with an Edo Tensei body, clothes were literally part of the body.
Even if clothes were torn, they'd reform along with the body because of the nature of the technique.
So the two of them were just standing there fully armored.
Rather than bathing, it was more like getting hosed down at a car wash.
While getting rinsed off, Hashirama began trying to persuade Madara to ditch the Infinite Tsukuyomi plan.
"So you even know that term now. Did another version of me tell you, or…"
"Neither. Madara, do you know this? What you saw on the stone tablet had all been tampered with! You always called me naive, but in the end, you were the truly naive one—the idiot who so easily believed someone else! Give it up, Madara. The world outside is already full of Ōtsutsuki."
Hashirama tried earnestly to reason with him.
"Tampered with? By who?!"
"Black Zetsu."
"…Ridiculous. Black Zetsu is something I created. How the hell would it go back to before I created it and alter the tablet?"
"Because it wasn't created by you at all! It was created by Kaguya Ōtsutsuki! You were just a damn tool for reviving its mommy!"
"Impossible. Absolutely IMPOSSIBLE! Unless you bring Black Zetsu here to confront me face-to-face, i don't believe it!"
"…"
At that point, Madara finally revealed his real purpose.
He just wanted to find a way to get Hashirama to contact Black Zetsu or Obito for him.
As for Hashirama's crazy story, Madara heard it, but didn't buy a single word of it.
'After all, if I could fool Hashirama, then any random scrub could fool Hashirama too.'
"Black Zetsu cooperated with us for a long time, but ever since the last Ōtsutsuki incident ended, it started acting weird. It hasn't shown up for a while now. It might even be gone."
Hashirama hadn't looked deeply into Black Zetsu's situation, he only vaguely heard some gossip along those lines.
'Black Zetsu, gone?'
Madara almost wanted to laugh from sheer irritation.
"Hashirama, you're actually still trying to bullshit me?" Madara questioned coldly.
Black Zetsu was born from his Yin-Yang Release, the embodiment of his very will.
How could it possibly cooperate with a fool like Hashirama?
And what was this "might be gone" crap? Either it was gone or it wasn't damnit!
"Might be gone" was exactly the kind of vague phrasing an honest guy who sucked at lying would accidentally use while trying to run a scam.
"I'm really not lying to you, Madara! You have to trust me!" Hashirama looked utterly wronged.
Everything he said was true, so why wouldn't Madara believe him?!
"Hashirama, you really are terrible at lying. Just be honest and bring Black Zetsu to me. Let me give it a few instructions, and after that, whatever you want to do, I'll help you with it." Madara's tone took on a coaxing note.
"I may be bad at lying, but weren't you still the one I fooled at the Valley of the End, right before I stabbed you in the back with one strike?"
"…"
"You even pre-cast Izanagi in advance so you could fake your death and run away! Doesn't that prove that, deep down, you already accepted you weren't my match? Otherwise, with your prideful personality, why would you make cowardly backup plans like that?"
"…"
Madara never expected Hashirama to know even that!
A moment earlier, he almost blurted out that he faked his death on purpose.
Fortunately, he swallowed the words in time.
Still, he never expected Hashirama to know.
And just listen to that!
Was that really the sort of thing an honest, simple man would say? That was downright sly.
A smiling, backstabbing schemer!
"Madara, just give it up. You've already become abandoned by all again—huh? Why did I say 'again'?" Hashirama put on an innocent, foolish expression.
"…"
'Why "again"?! Don't you know perfectly well why?!'
"In any case, Madara, it's useless no matter who you look for. Even if Black Zetsu is alive, it represents Kaguya Ōtsutsuki's will. It won't listen to you at all! And that masked man won't help you either. He only borrowed your name because it made things easier. He wants to become the second Sage of Six Paths himself! And as for the White Zetsu, there's even less need to mention them. They used to listen to Black Zetsu, and now they listen to Makoto!"
"And your Rinnegan too! Didn't you notice just now that Nagato was standing right there on the scene? That kid completely mastered your Rinnegan! He can even use Limbo now!"
"You don't have any allies left! The only old friend you still have is me! We're both dead now. I've already let go of the hatred. Why can't you let go too?! Do you really think you can still personally take back everything with this garbage body you have now?"
"How much effort did it take you just to kill a few scrub bandits earlier? With the current state of your Edo Tensei body, even climbing onto a bed would be a struggle, so stop dreaming! Why not just enjoy seeing the light of day again and leave everything to the next generation?"
Hashirama poured out that whole speech in one breath, using everything he learned in his life to talk some sense into Uchiha Madara.
And to be fair, it actually had some effect.
Madara wanted to doubt him, but Hashirama seemed to know literally everything.
He even knew about the Rinnegan, and about Madara transplanting it into Nagato!
As for Nagato actually being present just now? Well, to be honest, Madara genuinely didn't notice.
First, his sensory ability was currently so trash it was practically nonexistent.
Second, the moment he opened his eyes, the only people he saw were Hashirama and Tobirama.
Third, by the time he wanted to look at anyone else, Hashirama blasted him in the face with a fertilizer hose, totally blocking his vision!
Just as Uchiha Madara fell silent and began thinking over how much of Hashirama's bullshit could be trusted, he suddenly noticed a bizarre change in his body.
With his senses crippled so severely, Madara barely detected any changes in his reanimated body.
Earlier, he even walked around covered in fertilizer for quite a while before realizing it.
But now…
He could actually feel HEAT!
He was standing under a hot shower, so if he were alive, feeling heat would be perfectly normal.
But he was an Edo Tensei body.
He shouldn't be able to feel a damn thing!
"Hashirama, what exactly did that bastard Tobirama do to this reanimated body of mine?! What did he put inside me?!"
Uchiha Madara reached out with a trembling hand, gripped Hashirama's shoulder, and stared at him with eyes full of sheer fury and despair.
"I-I don't know! Tobirama promised me that after reanimating you, he absolutely wouldn't lay a hand on you!" Hashirama was stunned too.
For a moment, he genuinely couldn't tell whether something went horribly wrong with Madara, or whether Madara was just putting on an Oscar-worthy performance.
Seeing the pained look on Madara's face, Hashirama hurried out of the bathroom, grabbed a communication device sitting in the hallway, and quickly contacted the lab, reaching his younger brother Tobirama.
"Tobirama, what exactly did you—"
"Aphrodisiac. I added aphrodisiac."
Before his elder brother could even finish the question, Tobirama cut him off with a deadpan answer.
"Tobirama, stop joking around! That kind of thing wouldn't work on an Edo Tensei body! What was it really?!" Hashirama froze for a second, then quickly realized the joke.
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