After a while of letting what Yeshua said sink into my mind, He suddenly asked, "Care to tell me who Matthew is?" while He's looking at me. I raised both my eyebrows, making my eyes widen. "What?" Oh, I heard Him alright. I just can't process it. My brain is still loading. "I know you heard me, Maria," said Yeshua with a smile on His lips. "Matthew. Right. But I'm pretty sure You already know who he is and what he does." I answered Yeshua with a hint of confusion on my face. It's extremely hard to hide the subtitles that my face creates.
"Do you think a relationship can deepen without communication with one another?" asked Yeshua again as He raised both His eyebrows. I shook my head as an answer. "It doesn't, right? Even though I already know who Matthew is, I want to know him from your perspective, Maria." I now looked at Yeshua puzzled. My thoughts are all in chaos right now. I can't form a question to ask Yeshua. "Your face asks the question 'why', Maria. You're easy to read." I just blinked.
Yeshua chuckled. Mind you, we're still inside the church. "Do you think that Abba sent me into your life physically only to save you and not deepen your relationship with our Abba?" I nodded slowly as an answer to Yeshua's question. He sighed. "You are putting me on a pedestal here, Maria," said Yeshua in a sad tone. This is the first time I'm seeing Yeshua without His smile.
"Please, do not place me there." His sad expression made my chest hurt. My chest is getting heavier and heavier the longer I look at Him. My hands suddenly reached for Yeshua's left hand and I looked at Him with my now teary eyes.
"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Yeshua. Please, tell me what I can do to not make you sad." I apologized to Yeshua while still holding His left hand and my tears began to fall like waterfalls.
"Do not treat God as a being who condemns you when you make mistakes nor treat Him as something to be placed on a pedestal which makes Him hard to reach. Treat God as an Abba, as an older brother, a friend, and a guide that will lead you to the path of righteousness."
I nodded while I'm still looking at Yeshua but I couldn't see Him clearly due to my teary eyes. Yeshua used His right hand to wipe the tears from my cheeks.
Yeshua sighed then smiled subtly while looking at me. "My sheep, I will lead you to still waters. You do not need to be worried." Yeshua said as He now held my left cheek. I smiled as I could finally see Him more clearly. Then I closed my eyes and leaned toward His right hand while still smiling. "Home." the only word I uttered.