Jay ✧
"You're dressed up."
I look up.
Ren is leaning against the door, arms crossed.
Watching me.
I glance down at myself.
"…Am I?"
He nods slightly.
"You usually don't try this hard."
I pause.
"I'm not trying hard."
A small smile forms on his lips.
"You are."
I roll my eyes.
"I just didn't want to look bad."
"You never look bad."
That—
catches me off guard.
"…That was smooth," I mutter.
"I wasn't trying to be."
That makes it worse.
I look away quickly.
"Are we going or what?"
He nods.
"Yeah."
✧ Later ✧
The place is quiet.
Not too crowded.
Not too loud.
Just… right.
"You chose this?" I ask, looking around.
Ren pulls out the chair for me.
"Yeah."
I sit.
"…It's nice."
"You don't like loud places."
I freeze for a second.
Right.
He notices everything.
Again.
"Thank you," I say softly.
He nods, sitting across from me.
For a while—
it's easy.
We talk.
We laugh.
He tells me something about MJ embarrassing himself earlier.
I laugh more than I should.
"You're enjoying this," he says.
"I am."
And I mean it.
I really do.
That's the problem.
Because this—
this feels good.
Safe.
Simple.
And for a moment—
I forget everything else.
But then—
my phone lights up.
I don't even check it.
I don't need to.
Because I already know.
And just like that—
the moment breaks.
"…Jay?"
I look up quickly.
"Yeah?"
Ren is watching me.
Not confused.
Just… aware.
"You left," he says quietly.
"I didn't—"
"You did."
I stop.
Because I did.
I was here—
and then I wasn't.
"…Sorry."
"You don't have to apologize."
There it is again.
That soft voice.
That understanding.
And suddenly—
it feels like too much.
"I hate this," I blurt out.
Ren goes still.
"I hate that I'm here with you…" I continue, voice shaking slightly,
"…and my mind keeps going somewhere else."
Silence.
I look down at my hands.
"This isn't fair to you."
My voice is quieter now.
"You're doing everything right."
Too right.
"And I'm still—"
I stop.
Because I don't want to say it.
But it's already there.
Unspoken.
Ren exhales slowly.
"…Jay."
I don't look up.
Because I'm scared of what I'll see in his eyes.
But when he speaks—
his voice is still calm.
Still gentle.
"Look at me."
I hesitate.
Then slowly—
I do.
And that's when it hurts.
Because he's not angry.
Not even a little.
Just…
soft.
"I asked you to come," he says.
"You didn't force this."
"I know."
"So don't act like you're doing something wrong."
"I am," I whisper.
Because I feel it.
Every second.
He shakes his head slightly.
"You're just being honest."
Honest.
That word again.
"…What if I can't give you what you deserve?" I ask quietly.
There's a pause.
A small one.
Then—
"I think I already knew that."
My chest tightens.
"Then why—"
"Because I wanted to try."
His answer is simple.
Too simple.
And somehow—
that hurts more.
"I thought…" he pauses, then smiles faintly,
"…maybe I'd be enough."
That breaks something in me.
Because he is.
He is enough.
More than enough.
Just—
not for the right part of my heart.
"I'm sorry," I whisper again.
He shakes his head.
"Don't be."
A small silence settles between us.
Not awkward.
Just…
heavy.
But not broken.
And somehow—
we stay.
We finish dinner.
We talk again.
We even laugh.
But now—
I feel it.
That small distance.
That quiet truth sitting between us.
And I know—
This won't last.
✨ END OF CHAPTER
Im so sorry for the late post 💗