Jay ✧
I don't stop walking.
I don't look back.
I don't say anything.
I just—
leave.
The moment I step out—
the noise fades.
The voices.
The tension.
The way they were all looking at me—
Gone.
But it doesn't help.
Because now—
it's just me.
And my thoughts.
Which is worse.
I walk faster.
Then faster.
Until I don't even know where I'm going.
I just need—
space.
Air.
Something that doesn't feel like it's closing in on me.
"…Why now?"
My voice comes out shaky.
"Why did he come back now?"
Why didn't he come before?
Why didn't he say something earlier?
Why—
I stop walking.
Because my chest feels tight.
Too tight.
I press my hand against it.
"…This doesn't make sense."
It doesn't.
I was starting to—
I close my eyes.
No.
Don't go there.
But the thought comes anyway.
I was starting to be okay.
With Ren.
With everything.
With moving on.
And now—
Everything is back.
Messy.
Confusing.
Unfair.
A laugh escapes me.
Soft.
Broken.
"…Of course."
Of course it had to be like this.
I sit down on the nearest bench.
My phone is still in my hand.
I don't even remember holding it.
I stare at the screen.
At nothing.
And then—
slowly—
the truth starts slipping in.
"I never moved on."
The words feel heavy.
Real.
And for the first time—
I don't fight it.
Because what's the point?
If I moved on—
why did it hurt when I saw him?
Why did I care about those photos?
Why did my heart—
I press my lips together.
"…Why is it still him?"
The question comes out softer now.
Less angry.
More… tired.
Because I already know the answer.
I just didn't want to admit it.
A tear slips down.
Then another.
I wipe them away quickly.
But they don't stop.
Because this isn't just about him.
It's about—
everything.
Ren.
My chest tightens again.
Because that—
that hurts differently.
"…What am I doing?"
I whisper it to myself.
Because I know.
I know what I'm doing.
I'm standing between two people—
One who stayed.
And one I never let go of.
And somehow—
I'm hurting both.
That realization hits harder than anything else.
"I'm so selfish…"
My voice breaks.
Because it's true.
Ren—
He's been nothing but good.
Patient.
Kind.
Careful.
He gave me space when I needed it.
Stayed when I didn't ask him to.
And what did I give him?
Half of my heart.
Maybe not even that.
I cover my face with my hands.
"I don't deserve him…"
The words come out muffled.
Because I don't.
Not like this.
Not when I'm still—
Him.
Always him.
Another wave of emotion hits.
Stronger this time.
Because now—
I can't pretend anymore.
Not to them.
Not to him.
Not to myself.
And that's when it breaks.
Not loudly.
Not dramatically.
Just—
completely.
I let myself cry.
No holding back.
No pretending.
Because for once—
there's no one here to see it.
No one to stay strong for.
Just me.
And the truth I've been avoiding.
✧ A Few Moments Later ✧
"…Jay?"
I freeze.
No.
Not now.
I quickly wipe my face.
Turn away slightly.
"…I'm fine," I say automatically.
Footsteps.
Closer.
Of course.
He didn't listen.
"Don't say that."
Ren.
Of course it's him.
I close my eyes for a second.
Then turn.
He's standing there.
Looking at me—
like he already knows.
Like he always does.
"…You followed me?" I ask quietly.
He shakes his head.
"You left too fast."
That's not an answer.
But it's enough.
Silence.
I don't know what to say.
Because I can't lie to him anymore.
And I don't know how to tell the truth.
"…Do you want to talk about it?" he asks gently.
And that—
that almost breaks me again.
Because he's still being careful.
Still giving me a choice.
Even now.
I shake my head.
"I don't know what to say."
"That's okay."
Always okay.
I let out a shaky breath.
"…It's not."
Because it's not okay.
None of this is okay.
But I don't say anything else.
Because if I do—
everything will come out.
And I'm not ready for that.
Not yet.
But I know—
That moment is coming.
And when it does—
Everything will change.
✨ END OF CHAPTER