◆
Judging from the fact that my expression hadn't changed, Mother seemed to realize I had discovered the unofficial records.
She pressed her trembling lips tightly together before slowly lifting her gaze to meet mine.
"So... you truly are relentless. I never imagined you'd uncover that much already."
"Don't worry. I'll continue pretending I know nothing."
"...That girl, Seonmi... is not His Majesty's child."
I wasn't sure whether I should feel relieved.
No expression seemed appropriate.
"Even so, the fact that he devoted that much care to a child who wasn't his own speaks of an extraordinary affection."
Mother slowly traced the rim of her teacup with her fingertips, a faint smile touching her lips.
"As for whom that affection was truly meant for... even I cannot say with certainty."
A trace of sorrow lingered in her eyes.
Their marriage had been a political one from the beginning, devoid of love.
Both of them had accepted it, expecting nothing from each other.
At least, that was what I had always believed.
But Mother...
She had been different.
When I was young, I often wandered into Father's study.
That day, I pushed open the door with a sparrow I had caught in the hills stuffed awkwardly into my pocket.
The moment the door opened, Father hurriedly shuffled the papers on his desk.
It was painfully obvious.
Unlike my stern grandfather, he had always left little openings.
I noticed every one of them.
Even the maid standing beside him, cheeks flushed crimson as she awkwardly arranged flowers in an empty vase...
I could no longer bring myself to look Mother in the eye.
Silently, I turned my face away.
"Tomorrow morning, the engagement between the two of you will be announced officially."
Mother's voice, now composed again, carried none of the hesitation from moments before.
"Lady Hong Yeonhwa already knows. We cannot delay any longer."
It was only natural.
In fact, I had been expecting those words to leave her lips eventually.
"Public opinion has grown increasingly hostile. More and more voices are questioning why the constitutional monarchy should continue to exist. They call it an institution left behind by history."
"Those opinions have existed for years."
"They're different now."
Her eyes fixed squarely on mine.
"The Anti-Monarchy Alliance has begun moving in earnest. Even within the National Assembly, more and more lawmakers are siding with them."
I already knew.
I knew the royal family's position was becoming more precarious with each passing day.
That was why I had spent the last several months traveling abroad, searching for answers.
I wanted to see how other monarchies had survived.
I had hoped there might be another path through this crisis.
But every road led to the same conclusion.
I already knew the simplest—
and the most certain—
solution.
A marriage with the Hong family.
To protect the royal house, it was the most realistic choice.
"Crown Prince."
Mother called softly.
"What we need now is not justification."
"It's power."
Silence settled between us.
"Only by joining with the Hong family can the royal house preserve its political foundation."
"..."
"And only with that foundation will you be able to inherit the throne safely one day."
"I'll think about it."
After a brief pause, I looked directly into her eyes.
"But..."
"No matter the reason, I will never cast that girl aside."
Mother's brows knitted together.
"I have no intention of letting her leave my side."
At last, her voice rang sharply through the room.
"Crown Prince! Have you forgotten how far you've come to stand where you are today?"
It was the first time I had ever seen her like this.
"Mother..."
"Why are you doing all of this for a girl who should mean nothing to you?"
The veins along her neck stood out as she spoke.
"Can you truly say she means nothing?"
I found myself unable to answer.
She should have meant nothing.
But not to me.
"Please..."
"Don't repeat the same foolish mistake your father made."
At that instant—
one phrase pierced my mind like lightning.
The same foolish mistake your father made.
Along with it came echoes from the past.
"Forgive this weak mother... Your Highness."
"No! Mother!"
The memory of watching her struggle to end her own life flooded back with painful clarity.
Before my thoughts could sink any deeper, I turned and left Mother's residence.
◆◆
The relationship between Go Chaeha and me remained undefined.
At night, we sought each other like lovers.
By morning, we behaved as though nothing had happened, carefully maintaining an appropriate distance.
I recognized the longing in his eyes.
Yet during the day, he never tried to cross that invisible line.
Still, whenever work required me to remain close to Gowon, I would catch a fleeting shadow of unease crossing Go Chaeha's face.
Perhaps that was why.
A few days later, he came to me carrying news he knew I wouldn't be able to ignore.
"Is it true?"
I asked, hardly daring to believe him.
Without a word, he nodded.
"We found the last place where your mother stayed."
"Seonmi..."
"This time, I think you may finally meet her."
For a moment, my heart seemed to drop.
The truth was, more than the tangled relationship I had with those two men, what I wanted most was to find my mother.
I wanted to find her as soon as possible.
"I'll need to leave the palace this weekend. Would you help me?"
I asked out of courtesy, though I had naturally assumed he would nod just as he had before.
Without realizing it, I seemed to be growing more cunning by the day.
Na Jeong, who was in the dormitory, handed me one of her thick black coats and told me to wear it.
"You never took a break when everyone told you to, and now you're using your leave on a freezing day like this."
"There's something urgent I need to take care of."
"People usually save their leave for Christmas or the end of December…"
She muttered as though speaking to herself, leaving me unsure whether the words were meant for me.
This time, Na Jeong held out a vivid pink cashmere hat that reflected her personal taste.
"Don't you need a hat?"
"I'm fine."
She fussed over me like a mother.
It was both annoying and comforting.
"Still, it's a relief. I thought you'd been marked so badly that they wouldn't let you take leave at all. How did you manage to get two whole days? You didn't kneel down and beg that woman, did you?"
"Thankfully, no. I worked overtime before, and lately I've been volunteering for tasks no one else wanted to do."
"Is that so? Well, the head maid does like people who work hard. That's why even if someone is pretty, she secretly dislikes them if they're bad at their job."
She paused.
"Like me."
I let out a small laugh, and Na Jeong shot me a haughty glare.
A tiny dimple appeared beneath her full lips.
Jeong Na Jeong truly was an endearing girl.
"The head maid may not like you, but I think my mother probably would."
"Your mother? You met your mother?!"
Her expression was even more shocked than mine had been when I first heard news of Mother.
"I might be able to meet her soon."
This time, the journey was quite long.
The place where Mother was said to be staying was a small town far from the palace.
Darkness fell quickly outside.
A bitter wind blew, cold enough that it was difficult to keep our bare hands exposed.
Everyone we passed was bundled in thick coats, walking with their hands shoved deep into their pockets.
"Do you think I'll really be able to meet her this time?"
"My information should be more reliable than Reporter Woon's."
"I suppose so."
As time passed, the wind grew colder.
The house where Mother was staying had been hidden so thoroughly that no one could seem to find it.
Had she concealed herself in an attempt to withdraw from the world?
Or had someone hidden her away as though she had never existed at all?
Go Chaeha's hand stopped as he tried to hail a taxi.
Then he abruptly took hold of mine.
The moment his warmth touched me, my gaze fell to our hands.
My fingertips had already turned pale from the cold.
"This won't do. We should stay at a nearby inn tonight and try again tomorrow."
"I don't think it's much farther from here."
"Even if we can't find a taxi tomorrow afternoon, we can take a bus. We'll still be able to get there."
"…"
I wanted to insist on pressing forward so I could meet Mother sooner.
But when I saw the white mist escaping his lips each time he spoke, I gave up.
White snowflakes settled one after another on my hair and shoulders.
Strangely, I didn't want to leave.
The cold air had already numbed my fingertips, and only the faint clouds of our breath drifted through the air.
"You'll catch a cold if you stay like this."
He enclosed my hand with his other one as well, surrounding it with warmth.
When I turned my head, I saw Go Chaeha smiling softly.
A tiny snowflake had landed on the bridge of his nose.
At the sight of that single white, weightless flake, my lips parted.
"It's snowing."
I said it while looking at the snow on his nose.
I could feel his gaze on me.
Go Chaeha was not looking at the countless flakes falling from the sky.
He was looking into these dark eyes of mine.
At my pupils.
The way his brown eyes rested on me so steadily made me feel as though I might be the first to fall into them.
"What are you thinking about?"
I had only asked to ease the awkwardness, but his answer left me even more flustered.
"I was thinking it might be nice to live somewhere like this with you, Seonmi."
"…"
"And whether we should run away from the palace together."
The light from the streetlamps reflected in his brown eyes, making them sparkle like stars.
A tender warmth suddenly spread through my chest, and heat rose faintly to my face.
I quickly pulled my hand from his grasp and shoved it into my pocket.
Perhaps because I was so close to meeting Mother, my heart seemed unusually easy to stir.
For a moment, his words painted a picture in my mind.
Mother and I cooking together affectionately in the kitchen.
Go Chaeha carrying plates of food to the table.
The three of us sitting together, laughing and talking as we shared spoonfuls of well-made kimchi stew.
It seemed like a surprisingly fitting scene.
I looked ahead.
Snow was falling heavily now.
It continued to land and melt, never quite accumulating.
"If it keeps snowing like this, there may be a great deal of it piled up by tomorrow morning."
"I hope so."
Pretending indifference, Go Chaeha reached out and gently brushed the snow from my shoulder.