"Oh…"
It was the next day. And the moment Rai fully woke up, he felt it, that lingering weight from yesterday, dull and persistent, like something unfinished clinging to his chest. He shut his eyes for a second, silently wishing today would be better.
But then came the thought he couldn't shake.
Had that bastard already ruined today too?
Rai scoffed under his breath, dragging a hand over his face. It shouldn't matter. He could ignore it. Pretend none of it got to him.
And yet… the curiosity stayed.
Annoyingly so.
"Well… it's not avoidable anyway," he muttered.
He had to pass the living room regardless.
With a quiet sigh, Rai pushed himself out of bed and headed toward the bathroom. But just before that, his steps slowed near the living room entrance. His eyes flickered toward it, hesitant for only a moment before he leaned slightly, peeking inside to check its condition.
As if he needed to confirm whether the chaos from yesterday had truly settled… or if it was still waiting for him.
Rai was dead set on seeing the living room a mess, the bastard probably joining it too somehow…
And to his 'shock',
The living room was a MESS.
Cans still laying around.
One can that must not have been finished had spilled onto the floor, leaving a sticky mess there, the smell of beer lingering so strongly in the air that Rai immediately scrunched up his face.
"Shit. Dirty bastard."
'Ugh… why did I believe that bastard for a second?'
Rai clicked his tongue and turned back, walking straight to the bathroom, already so triggered by everything that he almost broke his toothbrush while brushing his teeth.
He shouldn't be so bothered.
The bastard will clean it later maybe.
And he shouldn't be thinking whether the bastard is doing fine.
Because the bastard is always doing fine.
'I guess he wouldn't go to work today.'
Now in the kitchen, Rai had taken the final decision to not clean up Zade's messes.
So he chose to ignore it and go on with his day, though at the back of his mind, it bothered him a little.
More than a little maybe.
"The drunkard must be having a hangover…"
Rai muttered to himself while opening the fridge.
"I do have things for soup."
His hand paused.
Rai bit his cheek as he pondered about making something for Zade, then immediately tried to ignore the thought.
Why should he?
Why should he care?
And yet…
'I will make soup.'
Yeah.
He was nice like that.
Not because he cared.
Absolutely not.
But he just have this pity for Zade he has no idea come from where...
As he cooked, Rai was so focused on what he was doing, but at the same time, his mind was filled with various things.
Mostly one thing.
One person.
And in the middle of everything, he realized something.
He had been thinking about Zade all the time.
At school.
On the way home.
At home.
Before going to sleep.
Even right after waking up.
But the thing was…
It had always been like that...back then.
When they were students...
Now, Rai found it reasonable that he kept thinking about the bastard because they lived together.
See each other.
Literally live in the same house.
Of course he would be on his mind.
But back then?
Rai had maybe seen Zade's house once.
Never been inside.
He would talk- well, argue with Zade at school and that was it.
They only ever met at school.
And even then, Rai always had Zade on his mind.
Whether blaming him.
Or just feeling disappointed.
Or irritated.
Or strangely aware of him.
It was honestly weird.
He thought about the bastard Zade more than anyone ever.
Rai just randomly realized it.
'Is it just me?'
He frowned slightly.
'Or does the bastard do the same too?'
A pause.
'Maybe I am too obsessed with this whole rivalry thing?'
Rai had to admit...
He was very different from Zade.
Obviously below Zade when it came to social skills.
He had no friends.
No relatives he kept in touch with.
No colleagues he shared more than a word with.
He was so alone in this world.
But now,
There was Zade.
And Rai had the terrifying realization.
Zade had become such a big part in his life.
Again.
Zade was the only person he was this close to.
So known to.
So aware of.
'I would rather be and die alone than having him next to me.'
Rai immediately frowned at his own thoughts.
'Gosh, why am I thinking this nonsense?'
'Zade is nothing to me.'
'We will be parting ways again.'
'And… we might never see each other again.'
'And I will be fine still.'
'I am going to be fine.'
'I have always been fine with it.'
Rai told himself.
So convincingly.
But…
Rai was well aware of himself.
He does feel lonely.
He does feel a little envious sometimes, though he reasons with himself why he shouldn't be.
He does feel disappointed in life when he sees his contact list.
His empty gallery.
His social media accounts randomly signed into only for work-related stuff.
He is at a corner.
Everywhere.
And that's what he wanted too.
Even though it was exactly why he had become all alone.
He was older now.
At the age where, when he was young and full of hope, he had dreamed of getting married.
Having his own kids.
Then adopting another two kids.
Getting a cat.
And living happily.
Now look at him.
Nothing.
But…
This is what he likes.
Now.
He doesn't want to marry anymore.
Maybe it was in his early twenties, for whatever reason, that he lost even the slight interest he had left about finding a partner.
It didn't feel tempting.
It didn't feel important.
Or needed.
He doesn't need kids either.
He is awkward with them.
Maybe one day, he would be able to adopt an older kid he can help spend life better.
Later.
He isn't ready for it yet.
Life had been so full of hope once.
Till he lost it all at one point in life.
'Haa… why did I think about them again? Now my day is already ruined.'
Rai, thinking of a ruined day which immediately reminded him of Zade, turned to glare at the living room again,
But was startled when he saw Zade standing there.
Staring right at him.
His expression unclear from the distance.
'When did he come there? I didn't even hear a sound.'
Rai patted his chest and turned back to focus on his thing, but then paused as he heard the footsteps.
Then the warmth.
Of him.
He was right behind him.
Their bodies almost touching.
"You are so loud, Rai. Why are you sighing so much?"
Zade's hoarse voice, which Rai had already heard a few times before, still made him feel a little intimidated for whatever reason.
"Back away, Zade. You are too close."
Rai protested and ignored the guy standing behind him, hovering over him..
But then instantly threw a punch when he felt the hand on his waist.
Big.
And definitely not belonging there.
"Woah! Chill!"
The bastard dodged it.
"Guess I had ruined your day."
Zade smirked, and being the jerk he was, squeezed a good chunk of Rai's waist instead of letting go.
"Is that why you are so moody in the morning, hm?"
"...Get your hand off, Zade."