Flat Rabbit slowly swept his gaze across the familiar faces gathered around him, the corners of his lips twitching upward into a weak but unmistakably smug grin.
"Heh… heh… this rabbit… is back again."
At that exact moment, Li Dao Xuan was crouched beside the box, casually munching on spicy Geleshan chicken like a man watching live drama in ultra HD. When he saw Flat Rabbit wake up, he did feel a bit relieved. But the moment the guy started acting cocky right out of the hospital bed, Li Dao Xuan simply could not resist.
"Yiye," he said lazily, "tell everyone this. This kind of person is what we call 'good people die young, disasters live for a thousand years.'"
Gao Yiye was in an excellent mood to begin with. Hearing Dao Xuan Tianzun deliberately mimic San Shier's exaggerated tone while quoting a proverb made her burst into laughter. She turned to the crowd and cheerfully announced,
"By the decree of Dao Xuan Tianzun, good people die young, disasters live for a thousand years."
The room exploded in laughter.
"So Flat Rabbit is a disaster, huh."
"Wait, we needed confirmation for that?"
"That has been public knowledge for years."
"Certified village-level menace, no appeal."
Flat Rabbit blinked, still a bit dazed. "I'm… back in Gao Village Family? Then… Bai Yuan? Is he alright?"
Everyone waved their hands dismissively.
"He's fine."
"Alive and kicking."
"Still shooting arrows like a madman."
Li Dao Xuan continued, voice calm but loaded with mischief. "Flat Rabbit fought bravely and rendered great merit. Reward him with one hundred taels of silver. However, since his previous penalty for overturning the grain cart has not yet been fully deducted, the reward shall be confiscated and returned to the village treasury."
Gao Yiye relayed the decree loudly, then immediately failed to hold it in and burst out laughing.
Flat Rabbit, however, did not care in the slightest. Money meant very little to him. As long as he could eat, sleep, and continue playing hero in the jianghu, his spiritual fulfillment bar was already maxed out. Fine him all they wanted. He would still be here causing trouble tomorrow.
Then his expression suddenly shifted.
"Wait… the four brothers who were on guard duty…"
The room went quiet.
No one needed to explain.
Flat Rabbit's hand slowly clenched into a fist. "Who was it?"
Gao Chuwu answered bluntly. "Wang Zuogua."
Understanding flashed across Flat Rabbit's eyes.
"So it is about the horse raid. He wanted revenge, but he did not know who we were, so he targeted Bai Yuan of Bai Family Fort instead."
"Exactly," Cheng Xu added from the side. "Dao Xuan Tianzun is furious. A mobilization order has already been issued. Once preparations are complete, we march into Huanglong Mountain and wipe Wang Zuogua and his gang off the map."
Flat Rabbit's eyes lit up instantly. "I'm going too."
"Of course you are," Gao Chuwu snorted. "But not in that half-dead state. Heal first before you start dreaming about heroics."
"Medicine," Flat Rabbit said urgently. "Give me more medicine. Double the dosage. This rabbit needs to recover immediately."
Everyone collectively rolled their eyes.
"Double dosage will kill you faster, not heal you faster."
Li Dao Xuan shook his head. He knew this guy had the patience of a caffeinated monkey. Let him lie still and recover quietly? Impossible. Left unchecked, he would definitely run around and rip his wounds open again.
"Make him a wheelchair," Li Dao Xuan ordered. "Like Zhuge Liang. Let Zheng Gouzi push him around so he can at least cause trouble in a controlled manner."
For Gao Village Family's current industrial capacity, building a wheelchair was laughably easy. By the next day, it was ready.
Flat Rabbit was carefully lifted into it, and Zheng Gouzi pushed him out of the sickroom.
The moment he breathed in fresh air again, his spirit immediately perked up.
Then he saw it.
Outside the barracks, a group of men were throwing grenades.
Well, training grenades. No explosives inside, just sand packed into iron shells. Same weight, same shape, same deadly confidence.
At the front stood Gao Chuwu and Zheng Daniu.
Both of them swung their arms and hurled their grenades in wide arcs that sailed over twenty zhang without breaking a sweat, leaving the recruits behind them staring like they had just witnessed two siege catapults disguised as humans.
Gao Chuwu grinned broadly. "Alright, your turn. Dao Xuan Tianzun has spoken. Anyone who cannot throw beyond fifteen zhang is rejected. Whether you become a glorious armored grenadier depends entirely on your own strength."
The crowd immediately erupted.
This was not just a recruitment test. This was a masculinity certification exam.
The newly formed Armored Grenadier Battalion required men who were tall, strong, capable of wearing heavy armor, and most importantly, able to throw grenades like human trebuchets.
In other words, getting selected meant one thing.
You were officially recognized as a beast.
Men from the standing army, young villagers, and even recruits transferred from Cheng County militia all treated this as a proving ground. Pass this, and you were a man among men.
A burly fellow stepped forward. "Brother Chuwu, let me try first."
"Go ahead."
He took the training grenade, roared like he was summoning ancestral spirits, and hurled it with all his might.
The grenade shot through the air and cleared the twenty-zhang marker.
Cheers erupted instantly.
"Nice throw!"
"Absolute monster!"
Gao Chuwu nodded approvingly. "Pass. Next."
The next man stepped forward, but he looked much slimmer, the kind of build that suggested speed over brute force. Even before throwing, his confidence bar was already blinking red.
He still gritted his teeth and threw.
The grenade landed short.
Gao Chuwu did not even hesitate. "Fourteen zhang. Eliminated."
The man dropped to his knees like his life had lost meaning.
Flat Rabbit watched all this with burning excitement. "Let me try. This rabbit is unmatched. Casual throw, at least fifty zhang."
Zheng Gouzi immediately broke into a cold sweat and pinned him down. "Do not even think about it. One exertion and your wounds will burst open like overfilled dumplings."
But stopping Flat Rabbit was like trying to hold water with a net.
He twisted his body, slipped out from under Zheng Gouzi's arm, and fell to the ground with a thud, then began crawling forward with sheer determination.
"Let this rabbit… throw…"
Li Dao Xuan watched the scene unfold and nearly choked on his chicken. This guy truly had no survival instinct, only performance instinct.
Zheng Gouzi finally snapped. He grabbed Flat Rabbit, dragged him back, tied him securely to the wheelchair with rope, then clapped his hands.
"Now try something."
Flat Rabbit struggled weakly. "I can do it."
"Say one more word and I stuff your mouth with cloth."
Flat Rabbit immediately fell silent.
Peace, at last.
Zheng Gouzi pushed the wheelchair past the grenadier selection field and toward the other side of the barracks.
There, a large group of musketeers were training with flintlock muskets.
Their routine was mind-numbingly repetitive.
Load. Fire. Load. Fire.
Again and again, like machines chasing perfection.
No one knew how many days they had been at it, but their movements were already smooth and synchronized. Each man could fire a shot roughly every thirty blinks, which in this era might as well have been sorcery.
And among them stood a particularly eye-catching figure.
Dressed in flowing white robes, looking like he had wandered out of a poetry painting instead of a battlefield, Bai Yuan was holding a flintlock musket, diligently practicing the exact same sequence.
Load. Fire. Load. Fire.
Scholar meets industrial warfare.
The aesthetic clash alone was enough to give historians a headache.
Flat Rabbit's eyes lit up the moment he saw him.
"Bai Yuan! You are safe!"
Trivia Notes (Wikipedia-Style)
• Gele Mountain Spicy Chicken – A famous dish from Chongqing known for crispy fried chicken tossed with dried chilies and Sichuan peppercorn. Historically associated with military rations and frontier spice culture.
• "Good men die young, disasters last a thousand years" – A Chinese aphorism meaning annoying troublemakers somehow survive everything. Often used jokingly in martial fiction.
• Zhuge-Liang Wheelchair Reference – Refers to depictions of Zhuge Liang being wheeled around in folklore and opera when too ill to walk, symbolizing wisdom even in frailty.
• Zhang (丈) – An old Chinese length unit. 1 zhang ≈ 3.33 meters.
Twenty zhang ≈ 66 meters. (An insane grenade throw. These guys are monsters.)
• Armored Grenadiers – Historically inspired by Ming–Qing heavy infantry who threw thunder-crash bombs while wearing lamellar armor. Strength requirements were extremely high.
• Flintlock Training – Early Chinese modernization era saw repetitive musket drills to standardize firing rates. Thirty blinks per shot ≈ roughly 5–6 seconds per cycle, elite level.
• "orz" – Modern internet slang representing a person kneeling in defeat.