Then he bends down a little and I know what he is going to do, I really know his style, but before he can proceed further I stopped him midway. His hands are in the air like he is going to lift me up, but thankfully I stopped him at the right time.
"Yuan, please you can't lift me up," I said.
"Why? If this is that same your weight chronology, then I am not gonna buy it anymore," he said.
I looked down at myself and was very confused because I didn't even know how I can explain my situation to him. I know it's today's world, these things are normal to say and explain, but it's my inner personality that makes me think twice before speaking about it. I think this in my mind and then he looks at me with the expression that he really becomes tired of me, but still he has the patience in him that he asks me again,
"What happened to you? The moment I entered the home, you behaved very strangely," he asked me.
Then he bends down at my level and sits on the floor, same as me.
"Yuan, you'll catch a cold," I said to him.
He smiles faintly and said, "This is what I was telling you for hours, but you didn't even listen to me," he said.
I look somewhere else because I can't look at him and say lies to him. This is not in my hands, I said to myself.
Then I said to him while looking somewhere else in the kitchen. Then he touched my cheek with his right hand, the most gentle and soft touch in this world that I always asked for, I said to myself.
"Look, you look quite pale too. How did I not notice it? Maybe… maybe I have done something wrong. Maybe I have done something to you that you didn't find right, but why didn't you say it to me, you silly girl? Didn't we become that close that we can share our problems with each other?"
Then he cups my cheeks with both of his hands and said, "Did I do anything wrong? Did I?" he asked me while looking straight into my eyes.
And look at me… just look at me… I am so bad, so bad. I made him think that he has done something wrong just because of my hesitation and shyness. I made him feel that bad.
I think this in my mind and then I have finally decided to myself that I can't… I can't make him feel bad on something which he didn't even do.
And then finally I beat the hesitation in me and speak,
"Yuan, actually it's not you, it's me who had done something wrong. I mean it just happened and I didn't even prepare for it, which is very embarrassing to feel… I mean to say it to you, but I just found out that you are blaming yourself for something that you didn't even know about, and I can't let you blame yourself for something that you didn't even know," I said.
Then I closed my eyes tightly because I am going to say this to him finally as I gathered the courage in me.
When I was about to say it, he stopped me while putting his hands on both my shoulders and then he said,
"Don't need to say it, it's okay, it's really okay. In fact, it's just a normal thing that can happen anytime to anyone. It's not something that makes you feel ashamed of. I know that you are feeling it very awkward in front of me, but trust me, I didn't mean to make this situation awkward for you. In fact, I am sorry, I am really sorry that I was keep pushing you and keep asking you. I needed to understand it on my own, but you know what, while I am the one who is calling you silly girl all the time, it looks like I am the one, the silly boy here," he said.
He said it to me with his most calm and composed deep voice, which always handles me whenever I needed it and even at the times when I didn't even ask for it.
Then I laughed… I laughed while hearing this from him and said, "Okay, you silly boy," in a bit teasing tone.
He smiles and said, "Yes, your silly boy, always and always your silly boy," he said to me.
Then we both laughed a little together and then I said,
"But I am so silly. See, we are living in today's world and still I behave like this with you, which makes things awkward for both of us," I said.
"But Yuan, how were you able to know it, that what I was going to say? I mean how did you figure it out that I am… I am on—"
I was about to complete the sentence, but he again stopped me in my mid sentence and said,
"Because some things don't need to be said, don't need to be asked for, they are just meant to be felt… just felt," he said.
"You are so good with words, I literally got lost in your words," I said.
"Just lost in my words? Not lost in me?" he asked innocently, very very innocently.
"Yuan, stop making these puppy eyes, it's not gonna work on me," I said.
Then he smiles and said, "But why do I think so that it's working on you?" he said to me in a bit teasing tone.
"Yuan, you are really really very too much," I said.
"Of course I need to be when my girl is so much much," he said.
"Much much what?" I asked him.
He smiles and said, "Much much pretty, of course, what else it could be?" he said.
I smiled and said, "Hmm."
"Just hmm?" he asked me.
"Yes," I said.
"Why hmm?" he asked me.
"Isn't you are the inventor of this hmm? Haven't you seen your videos that your fans made specifically on your hmm that you do in your dramas, which is very famous now? Don't tell me that you are not even aware about it," I said to him.
"I did, I really did aware about it," he said to me.
"Then what's the need of asking?" I said.
Then he didn't reply to this question of mine and instead of replying, it seems like all his focus is really on somewhere else, so I shake him a little on his shoulder and asked him,
"Yuan, what are you thinking about so deeply?"
Then he looks at me and said, "Come, let's go to the convenience store."
"Convenience store?" I asked him.
"Yes, come," he said.
How can someone be so gentle, so thoughtful… only my Yuan could, only my Yuan. Yuan… I think this in my heart.
Then he stands up from that place and said, "Come, let's go," but I didn't get up. He looks down at me where I am still sitting on that floor.
Then I said, "Yuan, you go first, then I'll come later."
And he understands everything, whatever I say and whatever I didn't even dare to say. My Yuan understands everything, everything about me.
Then he bends down a little and placed both his hands on his knees and looks into my eyes and said,
"Leaving you in a situation when you needed me the most, then sorry for disappointing you Miss Zhao, I am really not gonna do this, so did you expect me that I'll do it?" he said.
I got a little confused by his words and was just processing what he is trying to say to me, but at that span of time he took his coat from the couch that he placed there when he came back and then asked me to stand up.
"Yuan, I cannot," I said while looking somewhere else.
Then he said, "Didn't you are the one who said to me before that I am the whole definition of your trust?"
I looked at him when he said this.
"Then please trust the whole definition of trust that exists in your world," he said.
Then I did what he said, I tried to stand up and at the moment I tried to stand up, the cramps hit me again and I lost my balance, but before I hit the floor he catches me like he always does, becoming my shield whenever I needed it.
And then I saw into his eyes, his eyes are closed, tightly closed, and this is something that only my Yuan can do for me.
Then he steadies my balance on the floor while his eyes are still tightly closed and then he placed his coat around my waist. While his eyes are still closed, he ties both sleeves around my waist and asked me after doing it,
"Tell me if I tied it too tightly, then I'll loosen it," he said to me.
I smiled while looking at him, his eyes still tightly closed, and I nodded my head, but look how foolish I am that I nodded when I know his eyes are closed.
Then I said, "No, it's alright, no need to tighten it or loosen it," I said to him.
Then the first thing he does is that he asked me, "Can I?"
And I know what this "can I" really meant, it means that he is asking for permission, whether he'll open his eyes or not.
Then I said, "Yes, you can," while looking at the kitchen cabinets just to avoid his gaze and this embarrassment.
Then when he opened his eyes, he just holds my hands in his like it meant to be there forever like this, but I won't spoil this feeling by questioning it that till when. No, I won't, I said to myself.
Then he takes me outside the house while holding my hand in his and then he stopped in the midway of the lobby and turns around at me and said,
"We'll take stairs."
"No, no need to… we can go by lift," I said.
Then he exhales slowly and said, "But I am not familiar with seeing you stuck inside there like that," he said.
Then I look away and said, "Okay, whatever you find most suitable, we'll do that."
Then he nodded his head and we went to the staircase, and there he again stopped and looked at me.
"What?" I asked him curiously.
And without even replying, he just lifts me up in his arms in a single swift motion so easily that I can't even imagine it, because it was always my dream to be lifted like this by him.
Then he starts stepping downstairs while holding me in his arms.
When I was about to ask him something, he said it before me,
"I know you are forty four point six kilograms, and you know pretty well that I am sixty two kilograms, so you don't need to worry about it," he said.
But I said in my tiny small voice, thinking something in my mind.
Then he shakes me a little while holding me in his arms.
"Yuan, I'll fall, what are you doing?" I asked him.
Then he continues walking while holding me and said, "I shake you because I want you to throw out that thought from your mind," he said.
"What thought?" I asked him.
"Don't pretend like you don't know which thought I am talking about," he said.
"Then if you know that much, then you can say it by yourself," I said.
"Okay then listen, your thoughts… but I am giving the answer to your thoughts, so listen very carefully, you SILLY GIRL," he said in his usual tone, but even his usual tone is enough to make my heart skip a beat.
Then he continues walking and said,
"No matter how much weight you put on, I will always and always be the only one in this world who can still lift you with my one hand, because my silly girl will always remain my one-hand thing."
And then my heart melted… just like an ice cream melted in a Shanghai summer.
Then I said in my little and tiny voice that I was thinking of skipping meals and exceeding my workout.
"Don't you dare think like that, otherwise I'll really punish and scold you," he said.
"Punish and scold both?" I asked him.
"Yes, with these types of silly thoughts in your mind, you need both treatments," he said.
"Silly… how much silly I am," I said.
"Yes, very much. The lesser you think, the less silly you are, the more you think, the more silly you are," he said.
Then I chuckled.
Then he stopped.
"What happened? Why did you stop?" I asked him.
Then with the creativity of his eyes, he gives an expression asking me to see in front…
And what I saw in front is...