On my way to my dorm, my mind wouldn't stop.
It kept jumping from one problem to another like I was in permanent survival mode. That crappy mission with Maxine… the insanity of figuring out what the hell Carlotta wants… avoiding letting my relationship with the heroes progress…
And… oh, right.
AVOIDING THOSE CRAZY CHICKS FROM KILLING ME!
Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Even so, it was eating up so much of my attention that I didn't notice my surroundings at all when I turned the corner and-
Tuck!
"Ugh!"
"Ouch! My chest…! Argh… damn… that hurt…" I complained as I dropped to my knees.
Even though novels never mention it, getting hit there actually hurts like hell. Even more when you've got things this big like Kathryn does…
No, wait… not the time for dumb thoughts! Who the heck did I just hit with my boobs!?
When I looked up, I froze.
Great.
Lying on the ground, rubbing her nose with an annoyed pout on her small lips, the one I hit was the minion-sized villainess, Clementine!
…Wait. Isn't this the second time this has happened with her?
"Oh my god… are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mea-"
"Silence! I'm perfectly fine!"
…Uh oh. She's mad. Very mad.
As she stood up, fixing her uniform with sharp movements and puffing her cheeks like an annoyed child, something clicked in my head.
What if…?
What if this was my chance?
I mean… isn't this the perfect situation to start smoothing things over with this half-yandere obsessed girl!?
Like Maxi said, I should start getting along with them before they try to kill me… more than they already do.
"L-Listen, Clementine; Clemy, is it okay if I call you that?" the redhead didn't answer, she just puffed her cheeks and crossed her arms; I'll take that as a yes, "Clemy, babe, I think we started off on the wrong foot… actually, the whole damn leg, right? But what if we put that aside and move on to busi-"
"Forget it?"
Her voice cut through the air.
"I don't think you understand the severity of your degenerate actions."
I took a small step back.
"You exposed me in front of MY Elion when I wasn't even wearing a bra worthy of being seen."
"Huh?"
I blinked.
"W-Wait… all this mess was because… you weren't wearing a better bra?"
Seriously! I thought it was pretty cute… though, to be fair, with those nuclear weapons she's carrying, anything would look amazing…
Sh*t, I got sidetracked again! I swear this damn game is messing with my brain…
Okay, brain, forget the boobs and get back on track!
…Never thought I'd say that sentence…
"Okay, I get it, I messed up, but in my defen-"
"In your defense, nothing."
Her tone changed.
And that feeling…
That chill running down your spine when you know you're about to die.
"We haven't settled that debt yet, you wretch."
She raised her hand.
"Connect: Creation Magic — Construct Sorcery…"
…No. The moment I saw what that psycho was summoning, chills ran through me.
No, no, no, no! Not again!
She was trying to throw that damn giant bear at me again.
I still have nightmares about the time I had to run through the hallways while it kept swiping at me.
My body reacted before my mind.
I backed away, waving my hands like crazy trying to come up with something to stop her from killing me.
"Wait, wait! Before you summon that damn two-meter teddy bear with freaking machine guns for arms, lemme talk!"
The memory of those claws grazing my back…
My tail almost getting ripped off… I didn't want to go through that again.
"I did it 'cause I wanted to help you get closer to Elion! Like… I totally ship you guys!"
"…You… what?"
It worked.
Thank you, terminally-online nerd vocabulary.
"Yeah! I ship you, totally! Like… uh… I want you two to date… or something like that?"
"Why did you say that like a question?"
"For no reason!"
Damn my nerves! I've always been such a terrible liar.
"It's just embarrassing to say it out loud! I didn't want people thinking I'm some weirdo."
"And your idea of not being weird was showing my chest in public!?"
"…Yeah… I'm not the brightest, okay… Still, I'm serious! I just want to get along with you and watch Elion fall for you so you can have a happy family!"
Or whatever the hell this crazy girl wants, as long as I don't end up dead!
Clementine wrinkled her nose a bit while cracking her fingers.
"Let me see if I understand… you're saying you don't want anything with my Elion, right?"
"Believe me, if I could, I wouldn't even walk on the same street as him-"
"WHAT!?"
Suddenly, she lunged at me, pushing me with her chest, which felt pretty soft against my abdomen.
It was like getting hit by a pair of really comfy pillows… that's not the point!
In other words, she cornered me against the lockers.
Because of how close our bodies were, I could clearly feel Clemy's heavy breathing. She seemed really angry. I glanced around—yep, all the NPCs are ignoring us. Though honestly, I'm not sure if it's because they're NPCs or because no one wants to get in Clementine's way.
"What is that supposed to mean? Do you think you're too good for him? You? Please, you're lucky to breathe the same air!"
"No! It's just an expression! I meant… not getting in your way or his. That's all!"
"Mmmh…"
I think I said the right thing, because the pressure of her chest against my abdomen lessened.
"...So… I want to help you. Like I said, I want to see you two together!"
"And how exactly could you help me, huh? Last time you offered your unwanted 'help,' I ended up practically naked in public."
"I'm sorry! I swear it won't happen again!"
Think.
Think.
THINK!
"Ah… w-well… you haven't really made much progress on your own, right? Elion doesn't seem very interested in you romantically. And, well, let's be honest, the guy's pretty popular with the ladies, so… I think you need to be a bit more assertive. Otherwise, you might lose him!"
"…"
"See! And on top of that, please don't get offended and throw the homicidal two-meter teddy bear at me, but… well… you're not exactly the definition of sociable or flirty… or, uh… emotionally and mentally stable."
As I said that, I covered my face, ready to get hit—or worse, mauled by a bear.
"W-What do you mean?"
"Girl… you chased me riding a FREAKING BEAR THAT SHOOTS ALL OVER THE PLACE. Do you seriously think that's stable or that it wouldn't scare Elion? Sure, I had it coming, but damn, you went overboard. It looked like you were trying to kill me. Now imagine what Elion would think of you if you did that to every girl who gets close to him!"
I slowly lowered my hands.
"You really think that wouldn't scare Elion?"
Clementine puffed her cheeks.
"…It wasn't that bad."
"You're seriously telling me Elion didn't scold you for that? And it's not the first incident like that, right? I bet those other girls didn't do… well, the dumb thing I did. Their only crime was probably talking to Elio."
"W-Well! Their crime was approaching him with mundane intentions! A-And… he didn't… he didn't…" suddenly, all the determination in her voice vanished when she remembered the scolding Elion must have given her "...E-Elion scolded me really badly! Even worse than other times!"
Tears streamed down her flushed cheeks.
Clemy completely stepped away from me, rubbing her eyes under her hair.
I have to admit… the way she lowered her head, the little hiccups she let out, the way her lips trembled… It melted my heart. She may have tried to attack me with a bear, but I can't deny this urge to protect her.
So I comforted her with some pats.
…Damn. I think I'm starting to spoil her.
But maybe I can use this situation!
"See? You need me. E-Even if it doesn't look like it, I'm kind of a Romeo, y'know~"
"A what?"
"Ah… commoner term, my bad! I mean I'm an expert at romance."
That was a complete lie… honestly… I've never even had a boyfriend… For some reason, Mariel's face popped into my mind… No! N-Not at all! W-We were just really good friends…
"Anyway, I just want to help you, okay?"
"Even so… not yet. We're still not even, and I still don't trust that you won't get close to Elion."
"Huh? Then what… what do we do?"
"Strip."
She went from crying to flashing a completely innocent, childlike smile.
Her tone sounded spoiled, like she expected me to obey without question.
…Yeah, all the warm feelings I had just now when she was crying? Gone.
"Excuse me!?"
"Strip. Then we'll be even. After that… maybe, just maybe, I'll trust you."
Ha! Like I'd do that. I might be desperate to get along with her, but that AND stripping? Hell no!
[Protagonist Mission: Fanservice time! Time remaining: 00:05:10]
...
... NO WAY!
MY ******* LUCK SUCKS!