Shu's mind raced, frantically trying to guess what kind of bombshell Kiana was about to drop. Meanwhile, Kiana stared blankly at the spoon in her hand for two seconds, then suddenly took a deep, shuddering breath.
She ducked her head. In a flurry of motion, she spun around, dug the spoon into the cake, and using her other hand to steady it, brought the loaded spoonful right to Shu's mouth.
"Shu! Here, eat this!" The nervousness in her voice was becoming impossible to hide.
She knew exactly what was hidden in that spoonful of cake.
Lower his guard... confuse him so he won't know which bite is the real one... make him take it himself...
Kiana couldn't think straight anymore.
Her entire body was wound tight as a spring. Her palms were slick with nervous sweat. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, yet she was forced to watch every minute shift in his expression.
Eat it... I have to make him eat everything on this spoon!
Her abnormality was written all over her face. No matter how much Shu's mind was muddied by the thought of 'Kiana has discovered one of my secrets,' he could still sense that something was deeply wrong with her.
Very, very wrong!!
Not even for a prank would Kiana get this nervous!
Did something terrible happen, and she's hiding it from me because she doesn't want me to worry? That kind of cliché soap opera plot wasn't entirely out of the question...
Or did she make some kind of mistake that I haven't noticed, and now she's trying to compensate for it so I won't get mad or find out?
Impossible. Kiana wasn't the type to hide her mistakes. At worst, she might be too scared to confess immediately, but she would definitely probe his mood and test the waters first.
So what else could it be?
Shu's increasingly serious expression looked to Kiana like a bloody, looming character for "DEATH."
In that moment, she finally seemed to realize just how monumentally stupid her plan was—trying to shove a doctored bite of cake into Shu's mouth!
Who was Shu? He was a genius! He was super-duper smart!
Even without all his fancy [Wish] and [Hope] powers, he was still Shu!
Her desperate, clumsy movements had definitely tipped him off! Did this mean... she had to resort to force?
Sure, Kiana could pin Shu with one hand and stuff whatever she wanted into his mouth. The problem was...
She...
She couldn't bring herself to do it... She was in the wrong!!
Even if her actions were justifiable from both an ethical and greater-good standpoint, deep down in her heart, when it came to Shu, she...
What do I do?
What am I supposed to do?
Maybe...
...I should just give up?
I tried, right? Shu is just too smart. He saw right through my brilliant plan and my flawless disguise!
And... and he's just so pitiful! Look at how empty his life is! He can't take care of himself, he doesn't know how to enjoy anything. If I leave, what will happen to him?
I know... my mission, my duty, the greater good... these things are mountains, they are oceans. They are uncrossable chasms, they are the oncoming storm of blood and steel.
I can't escape it. I shouldn't escape it. I must not escape it!
But... but—
I think... I can be... a little selfish...
Right?
A little more selfish... a little more despicable... a little more ugly...
Like...
...staying here?
It felt as if her soul was being ripped from her body. The "Kaslana Honor" she had believed in and upheld her entire life was being carved out of her, raw and bloody, and placed right in front of her.
She stared with hollow eyes at the "heart" that had once beaten so fiercely within her soul, watching it lie there, limp and fading.
If she pulled back her hand now, if she threw away that piece of cake, this heart would die completely.
Would anyone blame her?
No one... Not Siegfried, not Kallen, not even Francis—not a single member or ancestor of the Kaslana family would ever fault her for this. They would only stroke her head and say with aching sympathy, "You've worked so hard."
A butterfly cannot cross the vast, churning ocean... Who could bear to blame it for trying?
Kiana would.
She felt she would never be able to forgive herself.
Ah...
She suddenly remembered the story of how her mother and father had met.
So... when her mother was brought back to the family, when she stood at the window and closed it shut, was this what she felt?
Knowing full well that no one in the world would ever blame her, knowing that everything she was doing was correct and reasonable...
She had only lifted her hand to close a window, yet it must have felt like she was carving out her own heart... murdering herself.
And now, before her... both paths were wrong. No matter which one she chose, it was wrong. And since it was wrong... Kiana could never forgive the "her" who chose the wrong path.
A butterfly cannot cross the ocean... but the butterfly would blame itself all the same.
When her mother made that choice, her father came to save her.
But now... what about her?
Who would come to...
The spoon in her hand suddenly dipped.
Kiana looked up, startled, her face a mask of disbelief as she saw Shu lean down and take the entire spoonful of cake into his mouth.
Shu's thought process had been simple.
After running through a thousand convoluted theories, a single thought had cut through all the suspicion.
Is Kiana really going to hurt me?
So he ate it. Without a single moment of hesitation.
"You should have some t—" Shu bit down on the spoon, pulling it from Kiana's stunned hand. He mumbled, trying to give her the other, clean spoon.
He felt the most important issue right now wasn't whether Kiana was hiding something, but that he needed to protect her personal boundaries.
Sleeping in the same bed was already pushing it. Now they were sharing a spoon?
Have they no shame?!
"Ngh?" But the moment the cream melted in his mouth, Shu's expression froze. His pupils contracted instantly.
There's something in the cake!
Was it really just a prank?
No—
VWOOM—!!!
It felt like a pulse bomb had detonated inside his skull, turning his brain into soup.
His vision erupted in a blizzard of static. A piercing shriek of tinnitus threatened to shatter his eardrums. He had never been so acutely aware of his own heart, which was now hammering against his ribs. His stomach spasmed violently, threatening to vomit up lunch, dinner, and all the acid in between.
Before his body could even register the world spinning, his balance completely gave out. He felt himself slam hard against something, and for a split second, all the negative feedback just... stopped—
I'm going to die...
I think I'm going to die...
No... wait...
The one who's dying...
...isn't me.
...
["But... I've never seen Shu take any medicine."
"That is because... he wants to keep you here."
"If he takes the medicine, you will be gone."
"Why?"
"Because... he believes the only way he can ever see you... is through his delusions. The moment he takes the medicine, even if he just holds it in his mouth, you will disappear."]
...
Watching Shu abruptly collapse in front of her, Kiana's first instinct was to catch him.
But her hands passed right through his body. Powerless, she could only watch him fall, watch him struggle.
Kiana's arms remained outstretched for a moment, then fell limply to her sides.
"Shu..." she whispered his name, offering him her final blessing.
"Goodbye forever."