I held Angel's shoulder, "You should go to the bed room."
She stared at my face, holding my sleeve. After a moment she looked down, before letting go of my sleeve. Then she nodded and slowly walked to the bed room.
Talor stood there looking at the direction before sighing and leading me to the dining room.
Carl was already there, He sat next to him, I sat on the other side of the table.
A moment of silence passed. I was wondering whether it was a good idea. Can I be trusted after that? How much could I share?
The silence and my thoughts were broken by Talor, "Can't share your situation with her, huh?"
Carl nodded, "Y'know we wouldn't use anything you say against you. Anything you seem to feel so guilty about, is in the past. And seeing her, you are more than capable of thinking about others. But I do get its hard to talk about something you haven't talked about with anyone before."
They looked at each other before saying together, "People like you tend to judge yourselves more harshly than others would. And talking about difficult things can lessen the burden."
I stared at them for a moment. Before closing my eyes and breathing out. How long can I keep everything to myself? That's the question that filled my mind for a moment. I looked back at them, finally making up my mind.
"I don't want to give her more to worry about, than she already has."
They nod.
I started with the bus accident and how Angel went through a similar accident.
Going through each event that led to the terrorist attack. They listened patiently letting me talk without interruption.
Then I paused. Again right before I entered the room... that room.
After a moment, they asked together, "You sure you can talk about it? You... you are crying."
My eyes widened, I touched my cheek, it was soaked. I chuckled, "It-it's hard to recall. I... she..."
The words won't come. I couldn't form the sentence, not yet.
Talor said, "Ar-are you okay? You don't have to if-"
I raised my arm before he could complete his sentence, "No... I can't always just stop shy of that. I have avoided it long enough."
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and continued, "A terrorist was standing behind her. Her sky blue eyes, more dead than normal. And then... she just fell down, her sky blue hair turned crimson slowly. The moment almost froze... and then the rest is blurry. The last thing I remember after before waking up at the hospital was me facing her in a red room..."
After a moment of silence I continued, "I woke up at the hospital right after. I was in a coma for 3 days... A nurse was taking notes near my bed, seeing me waking up she leaned closer, asking how I'd felt. Looked around before realising what had happened and immediately asked about my sister. She looked away before getting out of the room without saying anything..."
I paused again.
They said together, "I-I see. Did you get to see her, one last time?"
I shook my head, "She was already buried. I visited her grave when I was able to. I had strained my muscle. The doctor said it was probably adrenaline due to the anger I'd felt at the time. I used too much force and almost tore muscles in my hand. It took another week before I was discharged."
They nodded.
I then explained how I got into the submarine division. And then about the nuclear bomb. And I stopped there. I expected them to be disgusted. Or afraid. But when I looked at them, they had a familiar expression. The same expression Major had when he told me she was gone. The look of pity.
"It wasn't your fault alone." said Talor.
"You were angry at them too. You shouldn't have been the one ordered to attack the country you had a resentment toward." said Carl.
They shook their heads together, "You blame yourself both for the bomb and the terrorist attack. We can't say you had no blame in the bomb. But would our current situation be so different if you didn't choose what you did? Even your country was attacked with similar force wasn't it?"
I nodded slowly.
"And look at you now. Protecting a child. Protecting us."
They smiled before Talor continued, "Hopefully you can tell her about your sister someday."
Carl continued, "You said she had sky blue hair and eyes, so do they look similar?"
Talor looked at him with an irritated look. I chuckled, "Yeah, that's why I call her Angel. Her name is Angelica Aliot. My sister's was Angel."
They said together, "That's a nice name, and she seems to like it."