Chapter 4
Nathan's POV
The party was loud.
Too loud.
The three of us walked in together, Brian reluctantly tagging along. He kept saying he was only there to keep Bianca under control, but the moment we stepped inside, they were already arguing again.
Still… there was something about them.
They bickered a lot, but it was obvious they cared about each other.
A lot.
The room was dim, lights flashing in different colors, music vibrating through the walls and into my chest. People were everywhere—dancing, drinking, laughing. Some were making out openly like no one was watching. Others didn't even bother pretending.
At one side, a guy bent over a girl, taking a shot from a glass balanced on her stomach while people cheered.
It was chaotic.
Overwhelming.
A random guy tried to dance with Bianca, but Brian immediately pulled her back, his grip firm.
Bianca rolled her eyes and grabbed my hand instead.
"Come on, let's dance."
"I don't know how," I said.
"Just move your body."
She dragged me to the dance floor anyway.
Brian stayed back, watching like a guard.
"Ignore him," Bianca said, already moving to the music.
I tried to follow. Awkwardly.
She turned and placed my hands on her waist.
I pulled away immediately.
She didn't mind. She just laughed and placed her hands on my shoulders instead.
Then I looked up.
And saw him.
Kieran.
He stood across the room, a girl pressed against him, their lips locked together.
Then his eyes met mine.
I looked away quickly. Too quickly.
Bianca noticed.
"I have to use the bathroom," I said.
I didn't wait for her response before leaving.
The hallway outside was quieter. Not silent, but better. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.
Then I saw a guy handing a small pouch to a girl. She slipped him money.
I looked at them confused.
The guy looked up and caught me staring.
"What you looking at?"
"Nothing," I said quickly.
I started walking faster, but I ran into someone.
"Nathan?"
I looked up.
Zane.
"Careful," he said, steadying me. "I didn't know you came."
"Yeah… I came with friends. I just needed fresh air."
He smiled softly.
"Come with me."
Before I could respond, he took my hand and led me away.
Upstairs.
Away from the noise.
Away from everything.
The rooftop was quiet. The breeze cool against my skin. For the first time that night, I could breathe.
"So…" he started.
I looked at him.
He hesitated, like he didn't know what to say.
"so what's your major?"
"Art," I said. "I want to focus on painting."
"That's nice. So you paint?"
"I try. I'm not that good yet… but I want to be."
"You will be," he said, his voice certain.
He was looking at me in a way that made my chest feel tight.
"So… do you paint people?"
"Not really. I usually paint wildlife. But I guess I could try."
He smiled.
"Would you paint me?"
There was something in the way he said it.
Something that made it hard to look away.
Our hands rested on the railing. Close.
Too close.
His fingers brushed mine.
Then stayed.
I looked down.
Then back at him.
He was closer now.
I should have moved.
But I didn't.
He leaned in slowly.
His face inches from mine.
I could feel his breath.
My heart was racing.
I couldn't move.
Didn't want to.
The door opened.
He pulled away immediately.
Kieran stood there.
Jasmine beside him, barely steady on her feet.
"Zane…" she slurred. "We've been looking for you…"
She stumbled forward and fell into him.
Zane caught her.
"How did she get this drunk?" he muttered.
He looked at Kieran.
"K?"
Kieran didn't respond.
He was looking at me.
Zane lifted Jasmine into his arms.
"I'll take her downstairs."
And then he left.
Leaving me alone with Kieran.
A cigarette hung between his lips.
His eyes didn't leave mine.
I turned to walk past him.
He grabbed my arm.
"You never learn, do you?"
My chest tightened.
"Let go of me. what are you talking about?" I tried to pull away.
He leaned closer. I could smell the smoke.
"Already reaching for someone you shouldn't be touching."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't you now?"
His grip tightened slightly.
Then he spoke again.
"Does Raventon ring a bell?"
Everything went still.
My head snapped toward him.
"What—"
"Yeah," he cut in. "I thought so."
He let go of me.
Just like that.
Then he turned and walked away.
I stood there, frozen.
Raventon.
How did he know?
Does he know anything?
My head started pounding.
I couldn't breathe.
I needed to get out.
Now.
I rushed downstairs.
--
Nathan's POV
I got downstairs.
I couldn't see him.
Kieran was gone.
That made it worse.
My chest felt tight, like something heavy was pressing down on it. I couldn't breathe properly.
Someone asked if I was okay, but I didn't respond. I just kept walking, past people, past the noise, past everything.
I needed air.
I pushed the door open and stepped outside. The night air hit my face, cold and sharp, but it didn't help. My head was spinning.
Raventon.
I heard my name being called, but I didn't stop. I couldn't. Footsteps came faster behind me, then a hand caught my arm. I flinched immediately.
Zane let go.
He asked if I was okay, his voice softer now, careful.
I told him I was fine, but the words felt wrong even as I said them. My voice didn't sound like mine.
I just needed to go home.
He looked at me for a moment, like he didn't believe me, but he nodded anyway and told me to come with him.
The drive was quiet.
Too quiet.
I stared out the window, watching the lights blur past, trying not to think, but my mind wouldn't stop. I could feel his eyes on me sometimes, like he wanted to say something, but didn't know how.
I wouldn't have heard him anyway.
My thoughts were louder than anything else.
When we got to the mansion, he told me we were there and stepped out first, coming around to open the door for me.
I thanked him quietly.
He hesitated, asking again if I was sure I was okay, if I wanted him to stay, to keep me company.
I shook my head.
I needed to be alone.
He nodded slowly and said he would see me tomorrow before getting back into his car and driving off.
I stood there for a moment before walking inside.
The house was quiet.
Too quiet.
I needed to see my mom.
I needed to tell her.
But as I reached the stairs, I stopped.
What would I even say?
That everything we ran from was here again?
That I had ruined everything… again?
No.
Everything had already been my fault once.
I wasn't going to destroy this too.
I turned away from the stairs and walked to my room instead.
I closed the door slowly behind me, then slid down against it and sat on the floor.
My hands were shaking.
I dropped my head, trying to breathe.
But the memories came anyway.
Raventon.
That night.
I had told myself it would only happen once.
Just enough to fix things.
Just enough to help.
We needed money.
The people from the loan shark won't stop sending us threat.
After everything that happened, after the scandal, after I was expelled, no school would take me. My mother lost her job. People whispered when we walked past, stared at me like I was something dirty.
Something used.
I couldn't stand it.
The way she cried at night when she thought I was asleep.
The way everything fell apart because of me.
So when the offer came, I didn't say no.
He was older.
Much older.
The kind of man who smiled too easily, the kind that made my skin crawl.
He looked at me like I wasn't a person.
Like I was something to be bought.
I told myself it didn't matter.
That it was just my body.
That it meant nothing.
The first time, I couldn't even look at him. I just closed my eyes and waited for it to be over.
When I got home, I scrubbed my skin until it burned.
But I could still feel it.
I could always feel it.
And I went back.
Again.
And again.
Because we needed the money.
Because I didn't have a choice.
Because I thought I deserved it.
Until that night.
The door opened.
She had followed me.
And she saw everything.
My mother.
I could still see her face.
Shock.
Disbelief.
Then something worse.
Her hand hit me before I could even speak. The sound echoed in the room, but I didn't react. I just stood there.
She kept asking what I was doing, her voice shaking, breaking, but I couldn't answer.
I didn't know how to explain something I didn't even understand myself.
Everything fell apart after that.
Faster than I could fix.
Faster than I could stop.
And now…
Kieran knew.
My hands clenched, my breathing uneven.
No.
I wasn't going back there.
I couldn't.
But deep down, I already knew.
It had followed me here.
------
Nathan's POV
I don't remember falling asleep.
One moment I was on the floor… and the next—
I opened my eyes.
And he was there.
Kieran.
Sitting on the bed.
Too close.
Far too close.
My breath caught as I jerked up, my heart slamming against my chest.
"What are you doing here?"
My voice came out rough, unsteady.
The last thing I remembered was the cold floor beneath me. Now I was on the bed.
He didn't answer.
He just watched me.
That smirk on his lips like he already knew something I didn't.
"What are you doing here?" I asked again.
His gaze didn't move.
"This is my house," he said calmly. "I can be anywhere."
Something in his tone made my stomach twist.
I tried to get off the bed.
He moved faster.
His hand caught mine, pulling me back before I could even react.
I landed against the mattress, breath knocked out of me as he hovered over me, trapping me beneath him.
Too close.
I could feel his breath.
Warm.
Steady.
Controlled.
My own breathing turned uneven.
"What do you want?" I asked.
He leaned in slightly, his voice dropping.
"You know what I want."
My chest tightened.
His eyes flickered to my lips for a second too long.
Then back to my eyes.
Like he was testing me.
Like he was waiting.
I swallowed hard.
My body felt frozen, but not in the way I expected.
There was fear.
But something else too.
Something I didn't want to name.
His hand came up, brushing a strand of hair away from my face.
Slow.
Deliberate.
His fingers were cold against my skin.
Rough.
Unfamiliar.
He touched my lips lightly.
And I didn't move.
Didn't stop him.
Then he kissed me.
Soft.
Unexpectedly soft.
For a second, I forgot to breathe.
He tasted like red wine.
And something darker.
Something I couldn't understand.
I should have pushed him away.
I should have stopped him.
But I didn't.
My fingers tightened slightly against the sheets instead.
The kiss deepened.
Slowly.
Like he was taking his time.
Like he knew I wouldn't run.
His hand moved, resting against my side, then higher.
My breath hitched.
Reality snapped back.
"Wait—"
The word barely left my lips before he silenced it with another kiss.
Stronger this time.
More demanding.
My thoughts blurred.
My body betraying me in ways I didn't want to understand.
His lips moved from mine, trailing lower, and I felt my head fall back slightly, my grip tightening.
Everything felt too intense.
Too fast.
Too much.
And yet—
I wasn't stopping him.
That scared me more than anything.
He pulled back just enough to look at me.
His eyes darker now.
Satisfied.
Like he had already won something.
He took off his shirt.
Then he pressed against me, moving slowly.
He knew the effects it was having, and he loved it with the look in his eyes.
His hand moved to unbuckle my trousers.
"Wait," I said again, in between breaths, trying to stop him.
I sat up, but he only pushed my hand away. He pulled my trousers down, putting his hands in my boxers. I threw my head back. I tried so hard to stop myself from moaning, but I couldn't.
He took off his own trousers as well, then he kissed me, pulling off my boxers. My hand instinctively tried to cover myself.
"Don't hide yourself from me," he whispered into my ear, biting my earlobe.
I shivered.
He removed my hand and went down. I held the bedsheets tight. A little tear escaped my eyes.
He finally came up again. "Say my name," he said over me, looking down.
I was out of breath.
He pulled my legs up. "Say my name," he said again.
Then he thrusted. I could feel him. He kept moving fast. "Say my name," he said.
"Ki…er…an," I said, out of breath.
It went on for a while. I couldn't remember how many times we did it.
It blurred into one long, overwhelming moment—I lost track of time, of everything, of how many times we went. All I knew was that when it was over, a quiet certainty settled in my chest.
what have I done?
A slow smile formed on his lips.
And in that moment—
I knew.
This wasn't a mistake.